How to get out of a 4yr relationship.

I’m 20, my gf is 22, and we’ve been in a 4 year relationship as of today and I want out but I don’t know how to end it? There’s only a few problems I’ve got but none such as cheating or disloyalty or anything

Here’s the problems

1. She’s not sexually open enough and won’t open or budge at all.

2. Shes been living 1.5 hours away for the past year, then next month will be moving to another city that’s 2.5 hours away.

3. She doesn’t drive so I’m always expected to go to her(even though I work 12 hours a day M-F and 7 on saturdays). So I usually only end up seeing her once a month or twice maybe.

4. With me working. 6am-6 or 7pm and my gf working 12-9PM I usually want to sleep by 10 so we don’t get much time to talk so she’s always complaining about me being sleepy and not putting in effort to talk.

I’ve also started chilling and riding around with an old friend (from middle school) and we “Netflix and chill” from time to time. We really vibe heavily. And it doesn’t feel right knowing my gf is by my side. Sometimes when I get to go be with my gf, we don’t really vibe it turns into sex and eating. It’s starting to get hard to find topics to talk about on the phone and there’s many times we will sit on FaceTime in silence while we both watch tv or do something else. Just feeling as if the vibe is being lost. But I feel as if it’s wasted time if I just break up with her out of no where. What do I do, and how?

Dude, you are SO young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Your 20s/30s is all about exploring/dating/experiencing all kinds of (platonic and romantic) relationships.

It really sounds you're at a dead-end here. You haven't listed anything "spectacular" about the relationship, and sounds like you've completely checked out and lost interest.

The number one thing you pointed out is sexual chemistry - It's SO important - If you've been communicating honestly about your sex lives, and she's not "budging" (as you put it), you will consistently be dissatisfied.

Don't worry about whether you're breaking up "out of the blue". Many people start to withdraw/disengage/sabatoge the relationship for the sole purpose of "warming" their partner up to the breakup. This is very cowardly and dishonest approach.

Please don't wait much longer. It's better to bring it up out of the blue, and be 100% honest - You're doing it out of love and respect for her ... Simply state that your heart is not in it anymore, and this will be for the better. You can also google "how to breakup" from a reputable site - Most articles will coincide with what I've stated.

You'll grow so much from this and start a new life from this.

Hang in there man.

I don’t think this sounds like it’s “out of the blue”. It sounds like this relationship has run it’s course.

I would just go ahead and tell her the truth (except the sexual stuff - that’s kind of unnecessary at this point, IMO).

I would tell her that you care about her but that the distance and the long work hours has really taken a toll on the relationship. That you feel like you don’t have much to say anymore, that you can’t see each other often, that you feel that it’s a lot of effort to maintain and that you feel it would be best to go your separate ways.

Not all relationships have to end in an argument.

Honestly, from what you describe I do think it’s best to probably end it. And if you end it on a good, honest note - who knows? Maybe one day you will reconnect if the time is right. But right now, you are both so young, I don’t think it makes sense to try to hang on to a relationship that is not working. You should go and explore!

Just live by the golden rule. Think about how you would want her to end it with you if she were feeling the same way and treat her with honesty and respect as you explain why it needs to end.

This break-up won't be out of the blue. It's been a long time coming.

You have outgrown the relationship. You've been with her since you were 16, and you know you're already moving on. People who begin dating their partner so young very rarely stay with that person forever, simply because you haven't explored and truly learned about yourself yet. Be kind to your girlfriend when you break the news to her, but firm that this has met its end and you don't see a future together.

Don't hang out with this other girl again until after you have broken up with your girlfriend. If your girlfriend gets wind of the fact that you are essentially already seeing someone else, you are going to have a whole new set of problems on your hands and it will get messy and painful very fast. Do the right thing and break up.

Stop stringing your gf along, cheating on her and end it with dignity and go chill with your "friend".

I’ve also started chilling and riding around with an old friend and we “Netflix and chill” from time to time. We really vibe heavily.

Stop stringing your gf along, cheating on her and end it with dignity and go chill with your "friend".

Yes. That was enough for me. It's over. Man up and tell her.

Funny how when someone new is in the picture things change...

End this so she can meet a guy that she can trust and have things in common with, preferably close to where she lives and then you can bang the new girl all you want.

Do it in as kind of way as possible but be firm and final. Don't offer to be friends or stay in touch.

Lost

It will be out of the blue if you haven't sat down and explicitly said, I'm on the verge of ending this relationship, and here is why...

Tell her all of the things you have listed here. Be up front, be a human being. If she doesn't know that all these things have piled up and you haven't talked to her about all that is bothering you about the relationship, then it is out of the blue.

I'm not saying you have to stay in it, but if you want to be an upstanding person then you have to give her a chance to hear all that bothers you and what is not working.

I apologize if this sounds harsh, but I am a dumpee. My ex came out of the blue with a break up text that had non-sense in it after a 2 1/2 year relationship. I assume she had been thinking about breaking up with me for a couple months. I'm sure she talked to her friends and "triangulated" on me, but never sat me down and said, "Mitch I'm going to end this. I'm going to break up with you and not go forward with every future plan we ever talked about." She never told me what was wrong, just that she wasn't happy. I never got any of that.

Don't be that person after a 4 year relationship with this person.

Finally, when you end it do not play with her heart and get all wishy washy. Do not contact her and leave her alone. Be a good person.

Mitch

Mitch has nailed it 100%.