The talk

So I’m in a complicated situation right now. Me and my girlfriend are right around the 4 month mark and things have been going pretty good up until about a week ago. Things have changed and I guess we arnt talking as much. Long story short I think it’s time me and her talk about our future together and if we want to keep this up. I know it’s time to talk about this because she’s been subtly avoiding me and all sorts of things. I can’t get her to talk to me anymore and communication has just kinda gone away. We are right around that time when problems happen. I think it’s time me talk, but I’ve never done anything like this I’m not sure how to go about bringing it up, but I know I still am in this, but she maybe isn’t so much. All I know is we need to talk. So the problem I face is one when should I do it. Prom is this weekend and people have said I should wait and really see how she acts because it’s a good test of our relationship. Suspense is killing me though and I feel like I should do it beforehand, but if it goes a bad way then prom is a no go. When should I do it soon or the day after prom? Also please give me tip on how I should go about this talk.

Just have a conversation. Then bring it up slowly. I don't think timing matters much. Its important to you then do it soon as you can. Though really she could just be in a bad mood.

Agree with your friends. Go to the prom and enjoy it. Relationships are in real-time, in person, not facetime and talks or generating drama because she's been busy or doesn't feel like videochatting as much as you do. Don't undermine yourself through anxiety. And don't dump her after the prom because she won't videochat as much as you want to. Play things by ear. If things feel weird at prom ask her what's up a few days later after you have reflected on it, then relax and see what she says.

Prom is this weekend and people have said I should wait and really see how she acts because it’s a good test of our relationship.

I would not have a "talk about the future". I would just go to prom and have a good time. you have only been dating 12 weeks. At that point - if you aren't communicating well anymore, you find someone who you click better with. If she is avoiding you -- then you go to prom and decide if you want to date her after that. If you call her and she never calls you back, etc, then you should move on to someone else who is interested.

Dude, you're 17. You need to relax.

I can tell you where this is going. You're going to break up when you graduate high school and go your separate ways.

Try to enjoy what you have while you can. You're way over thinking this and not enjoying the moment at all.

Dude, you're 17. You need to relax.

 

I can tell you where this is going. You're going to break up when you graduate high school and go your separate ways.

 

Try to enjoy what you have while you can. You're way over thinking this and not enjoying the moment at all.

I agree with Iggy on this one. Lighten up. Go to prom and have a good time. Her behaviour at prom may tell you all you need to know.

If you think she's going to act stupid at the prom or treat you badly/leave you by yourself to go dance with other guys, etc. (or not show up to go with you), then end it before the prom.

If you honestly think this is just an awkward conversation moment, then go enjoy the prom together and have this talk after. Just be straightforward with what your intentions are.

But yeah, you're right at the point where weak relationships fail. If she's already acting like she's not into this, then try to stop investing so much of yourself into this until she shows reciprocal interest.

Maybe she doesn't want to go to the prom with you. That would explain her being distant.

Maybe she doesn't want to go to the prom with you. That would explain her being distant.

Thats the talk you need to have - not a talk about "getting serious about your future as a couple." Bring up the idea of prom and ask if you are still on - and if she rather go with someone else - find another date. But if she has only been avoiding you for one week - maybe she really isn't and is just busy and you are reading into things.

I agree that many people take prom too seriously, including myself 9 years ago. It sounds like you two probably have a solid relationship going, but you don't need to worry intensely about this so early on in your life. Enjoy the time you can spend with her, go to prom, and then have a talk when both of you are ready and comfortable.

As to when and how to go about it, I might suggest waiting until she is in a better mood, or having the talk after you two have been at a fun event and are in lighter spirits. Can you think of a time when she might be more willing and open to talk? Would a coffee shop work better for her personality, or just going on a walk together? Best to get it over with sooner rather than later and build a foundation of honesty with each other if things do continue. Hoping for the best.

Dude, you're 17. You need to relax.

 

I can tell you where this is going. You're going to break up when you graduate high school and go your separate ways.

 

Try to enjoy what you have while you can. You're way over thinking this and not enjoying the moment at all.

This^.

I didn't even know what "the talk" was when I was 17!