Feeling hurt to the core

hey,

I've been in a LDR for 3 years, we are engaged and I'm currently looking for a place for us to move in together with a viewing of another property again this monday coming.

There have been many ups and downs, my partner seems to blow up over a lot of things, her own makeup for example, not just relationship things. When she does blow up, I get the silent treatment for 1-2 days, called names, belittled like "I'm not a man" "I'm needy" and far more

Anyhow she has become more and more seemingly self absorbed throughout the relationship, at first she was chasing me nonstop, texts with the "I miss yous" "i love yous" and we literally talked for hours and hours per day, its now on something like 10 texts per day and 1 phone call, I feel I can't call her, it has to be her calling me as when I do call her it seems inconvenient all the time no matter when it is, if her mums there its like talking to a brick wall with a low voice that you can barely even hear. She calls me and has it on speaker while she does her makeup, I have to be quiet at points while she checks its over?!

Now its like every conversation has to be about her 90% of the text or calls are about her, example, I had a hospital appointment yesterday for major visual issues, she text me during my appointment to moan about a fb group shes in, I didnt even get asked how I was or getting on.

today, she text me 10 times regarding her diet and food, of which I replied and talked to her about, I tried to talk to her about my artwork (an artist with completely screwed vision - very useful to me) I said I was designing something and that a tattoo artist had started following my work, I got back "cool" and "aye" end of conversation.

Is this me being needy, for wanting actual attention? a tad lost here

By the looks of your other posts about this woman and your relationship, this has been going for sometime now.

You've even questioned whether or not she was abusive.

Why are you still moving forward and looking for apartments with her if you are so unhappy with her?

You do have a choice you know.

I'm actually questioning if its me with a needy problem of her being a narcissist, one min she is posting things about moving on facebook the next I'm treated like I barely exist? I actually have a counselling appointment soon because I'm not coping well with my visual issues, anxiety from the uncertanty surrounding that as I get worse daily with my vision.

I pretty much feel like a zombie version of me, or that I'm not even sure who I am and what I'm doing anymore, I don't enjoy a single thing, with my vision, I don't watch tv, I struggle with lots of things, cripplingly lost is 2 words to describe me right now

Sorry to hear, Iratus, but why are you with someone who don't care about you?

Run away! You're not only in an abusive relationship, but you are equally emotionally dependent on her, both signs of a toxic relationship.

I can't believe you are still with this woman from what you wrote last March.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=531225

It takes her four hours to put on her makeup and she hits herself in the head with a hammer? And now you're engaged? Your life will be a living hell unless you walk away now! Stop taking 7 hour train rides to see her and break up to save your sanity.

Break up with her before it's too late and get a therapist please! You have serious codependent issues and she seems to be a narcissist/abusive person. You'll be much more miserable with her than breaking up with her and facing her temporary backlash. I can also imagine that she's probably kept you away from family and friends like many abusive people do... if it happened please try reconnecting with them and explaining your situation. There's no good in this relationship and she won't change. Believe me!

I am due to see a therapist next month but to do with my anxiety surrounding my visual problems, I lack self belief in a major way now because I can't do things I used to do and I am getting deeper into depression by the day, I take Clonazepam in order to sleep because my visual issues keep me awake at night (neurological visual problems including visual snow) I am literally terrified to open my own eyes each morning as I'm already seeing crazy visuals with my eyes shut.

I got called today by her and during the 40 min conversation got told, I'm not mature, I'm a child and so on, I'm not sure how she expects me to feel confident or secure when I'm constantly told I'm not good enough.

I don't even seem to have friends anymore, I went back to the gym 2 months ago and started training with 2 lads, but like anything I'm interested in or want to talk about it falls on deaf ears and conversation is back about her or dont happen. unfortunately my vision is putting me off going to the gym right now as I'm extremely light sensitive along with the rest.

My parents used to say I was happy go lucky and how everyone said I was easy to talk to, now I seem to be completely alone

So break up with her already!! Are you even listening to what people are saying?? It's time to stop complaining and rehashing, DO something about your situation. You can't change the vision thing. You need to start learning to cope with it.

Getting your life back starts with breaking up with her.

You need to take care of your depression and health problems AWAY from her. It's the most important thing now. It's impossible to have a healthy and supportive relationship with her and maybe you're not in the condition of being in a relationship at all at the moment. She's abusive and you're her punching bag. You'll see that once you leave her for good and engage in therapy everything else will get better.

called names, belittled like "I'm not a man"

I didn't get past this. This woman is not relationship material.