help im so confused

Ive bn engaged now for almost 9 years. My fiance and i have gone thru loss of parent and many conflicts. He says he loves me and still wants to marry me. We have a 3 yr old. I found him on chat sites and porn sites years ago and we dealt with it. But i fear its not over. Hes got lots of secrets, isnt honest about little things and basically ignores me and "doesnt have time" for me. We havent been on a date or anywhere aline since i was pregnant 4 yrs ago. But he promises the world.......we live seperately so i only see him when hes dropping off or picking up our son. We have sex maybe every 3 or 4 months. He does have chroans disease and has been sick. I found boxes of male sex enhancement pills that r being used every day in his car, for months and months however hes not having sex with me. In fact rejects me regularly. Then when i google his email or phone number it connects me to these escort/porn sites where u call his number that is linked to certain videos and an entire file. Ive seen and confronted him b4 and he convinces me that its spam or he doesnt know what im talking bout. But he still has profiles for and other sites. Which he denys or says theyre old. I dont know what to believ anymore and when he feels im pulling away and finally fed up with the arguments and lies then he convinces me of his love and acts lime he meansit this time. What should i do? And what does it mean if those sites r coming up linked to him? I feel like i need to know the truth and if its really nothing or something? Is there something bigger than i couldve guessed going on???

Why are you putting up with this? Do you really think he'll change if you ever get married? He's a liar and a cheater and you know it. He's not treating you well at all. So what's so wonderful about him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Is there something bigger than you could've guessed going on?! What is bigger than everything that is already going on? It sounds like you are not even together. Saying that you only see him "when he's picking up or dropping off your son" sounds like you are separated and co-parenting, not in a relationship ready to get married.

Please be done with him as any boyfriend/fiance. Go see a family law attorney. Only deal with him when is has to do with your son.

Be done with this. You are no longer in a relationship, but an occasional convenience for this guy.

Why have you put up with this garbage?

Break up break up break up break up! Being alone would be better than this unmet expectations machine!!!

OMG please leave. This is horrid!

Everyone that responded is right and i appreciate all the responses. I dont know why i still love him? I guess its hard to just leave and i keep thinming if i could just bist him amd see it with my own 2 eyes i could. Im scared that ill leave never knowing truth. Which, i know, shouldnt matter anyway. The way he treats me should be reason enough. Hes so manipilative and makes everything my fault, puts me down and then the next day is mr perfect. And as long as there is a lil doubt and small chance he isnt doing anything, then i habe a hard time letting go. Thats why i keep trying to figure out how to catch him and give me the strength and push i need to want to leave. I know thats stupid. I know that if i did finally get evidence it would be what i need to break it off and not get pulled in to his game again. I obviously cant do it and havent been able to so far. Hes so good at convincing... why am i not strong enough and so scared??? Ahhhh! I knnow what id tell a friend but its easier to think it than do it.

You barely even have a relationship at this point, OP.

You need to go out and find your self-worth so you can move on from this. It's not going to be your Happily Ever After.

Everyone that responded is right and i appreciate all the responses. I dont know why i still love him? I guess its hard to just leave and i keep thinming if i could just bist him amd see it with my own 2 eyes i could. Im scared that ill leave never knowing truth. Which, i know, shouldnt matter anyway. The way he treats me should be reason enough. Hes so manipilative and makes everything my fault, puts me down and then the next day is mr perfect. And as long as there is a lil doubt and small chance he isnt doing anything, then i habe a hard time letting go. Thats why i keep trying to figure out how to catch him and give me the strength and push i need to want to leave. I know thats stupid. I know that if i did finally get evidence it would be what i need to break it off and not get pulled in to his game again. I obviously cant do it and havent been able to so far. Hes so good at convincing... why am i not strong enough and so scared??? Ahhhh! I knnow what id tell a friend but its easier to think it than do it.

Why aren't you living together if you've been engaged for 9 years?

Does he pay child support?

Why do you want to marry this guy other than the fact that he is your child's father and you have given him 9 years of your life? Which isn't a good reason.

Are you really going to waste more of your life waiting on him and being mistreated?

His actions speak LOUDER than his words.

Sounds as though you are his backup plan. You deserve better.

Everyone that responded is right and i appreciate all the responses. I dont know why i still love him? I guess its hard to just leave and i keep thinming if i could just bist him amd see it with my own 2 eyes i could. Im scared that ill leave never knowing truth. Which, i know, shouldnt matter anyway. The way he treats me should be reason enough. Hes so manipilative and makes everything my fault, puts me down and then the next day is mr perfect. And as long as there is a lil doubt and small chance he isnt doing anything, then i habe a hard time letting go. Thats why i keep trying to figure out how to catch him and give me the strength and push i need to want to leave. I know thats stupid. I know that if i did finally get evidence it would be what i need to break it off and not get pulled in to his game again. I obviously cant do it and havent been able to so far. Hes so good at convincing... why am i not strong enough and so scared??? Ahhhh! I knnow what id tell a friend but its easier to think it than do it.

You don't have to catch him doing anything. The fact that he is mistreating you is reason enough to end the relationship. You state you are scared. Why and of what??

We have lived together in past and right now im living w my mom and hes living w his. Shes south Korean and has a lot of rules and he feels obligated to take care of her after his dad died and idk if he will ever leave. We share custody 50/50. Hes a good dad. Not a good boyfriend.

I know. I dont know whats wrong w me