Grief from across the country

Okay, where to start on this. I met my girlfriend while I was living on the West coast. We've known each other for less than a year. She is divorced, but believes everything should be talked out and a relationship with someone you love should always be worked on. This has led to a lot of arguments, as we are different people and don't see eye to eye on a number of things. I had wanted to move back to my home on the other side of the country since prior to meeting her, and told her this before we even started dating, though I was told she would consider moving with me if there was love between us. I chose to stay and try the relationship.

Fast forward to now. We are back in my home state. I am working for the first time in over a year - only 5-days in to the new job. Finances are a little rough due to this, the moves back and forth, and taking care of her and her teenage son the last few months. Her cousin and father were ill in the hospital, and this past Friday she chose to drive back across the country to see them. I chose to stay because of the finances and the new job. Her cousin passed away on the second day of her drive, and she is seemingly lost over her father. I am now being told that, if I cared for her, I should have forgotten about everything else and just driven with her, because she would have done the same for me. I feel like she is holding it against me that she moved away and was away for this, and now she's placing blame my way - though she'd never describe it as blame, just 'sharing her feelings'.

I suppose the question is this: what level of guilt and responsibility should I be feeling for not physically being there with her every step of the way? Under other conditions, it would likely be different - I certainly care for the woman. However, I'm trying to get my life back in order for the first time in a long time, while certain aspects of hers seem to be falling apart. If I just left and drove with her, I would lose the job, as well as likely lose the opportunity for the home we are trying to rent.

She is being unreasonable. I'm sorry you've fallen in love with such a bleeding Princess. Does she want to nag you and vomit her feelings onto you until you're so guilty that you're jobless from catering to her petulance and living in a van by the river?

She doesnt see worth all the angst she's causing. You were not obliged to drive back cross country with her. You have a new job, you are living where you want to be, so keep doing what is right for you. If she doesnt come back I dont think you've lost much in the end.

I agree: She has very little to zero common sense and thinks with emotional immaturity. A woman worth having, who wanted you t do well would never put that guilt on you like she has. To her, life is all about HER. She's a me, me, me'er. I don't even know you but I can see that you're trying to do your best by you and her. Thing is she only wants you doing what she thinks is best for her in-the-moment.

Does she work?

You are being responsible. Do not feel any guilt.

She chose to move with you. It was not forced.

She most likely is under duress, and she is using displaced anger on you.

Talk with her about it. If she cannot understand, she is being unreasonable.

You are being responsible. Do not feel any guilt.

She chose to move with you. It was not forced.

 

She most likely is under duress, and she is using displaced anger on you.

Talk with her about it. If she cannot understand, she is being unreasonable.

She is divorced, but believes everything should be talked out and a relationship with someone you love should always be worked on. This has led to a lot of arguments, as we are different people and don't see eye to eye on a number of things.

I think it's beyond "displaced anger." They've been having many arguments because she has a need to tell him how unhappy she is all the time.

Yes, true. I was referring to the current situation only.

Having been in a relationship like he describes, it doesn't get better.

OP, she is being very narrow-minded and immature. You made the responsible choice not to accompany her. Does she really think your new employers would have okay'ed you taking time off immediately? What kind of Fantasy-Land does she live in?

When you say you've been taking care of her and her son over the past few months, what does this mean, exactly? Were you financially supporting them, and if so, why?