Love with no sexual attraction?

Hi there,

what do you think could be the reasons for a man (I'm referring to the male case since I'm a man and the answer for the women's case is different since their sexuality is) feeling deep affection for a woman, I could say love, but not sexual attraction to the point he couldn't even have fantasies (also masturbate) about her and him together.

It doesn't disgust him since the woman is also very pretty, but it just leaves him stone-cold; at the same time this is not the case with other women, to whom he doesn't feel even the tiniest grain of affection, but find them arousing. How would you call his feeling for this woman?

Thank you.

Hi there,

what do you think could be the reasons for a man (I'm referring to the male case since I'm a man and the answer for the women's case is different since their sexuality is) feeling deep affection for a woman, I could say love, but not sexual attraction to the point he couldn't even have fantasies (also masturbate) about her and him together.

It doesn't disgust him since the woman is also very pretty, but it just leaves him stone-cold; at the same time this is not the case with other women, to whom he doesn't feel even the tiniest grain of affection, but find them arousing. How would you call his feeling for this woman?

Thank you.

A close friend?

 

Sexual attraction is a pretty big prerequisite for romantic relationships.

 

I guess there are some very asexual people that have some kind of relationship but no sexual attraction.

 

If you were a bit less ambiguous in the scenario I might be able to answer better.

A platonic friend....

 

I mean the difference between a friend and a romantic relationship IS sexual attraction. Of course you can have a deep emotional connection, respect, regard and even love for your friends, but it's platonic in the sense that there is no physical/sexual component to it. In a romantic relationship you have all that and you want to rip their clothes off and have hot monkey sex too and btw, genuine sexual attraction doesn't die off with time either. At least not in my experience.

Or a type of love similar to what you would feel for family (and please... no... don't bring up incest).

 

There are many different types of love - the love you show to your kids and family, friends - the love associated with sexual attraction - love of self - love of principles (wanting to do the right thing despite personal inconvenience)- etc etc.

Thank you Alchemist for the answer.

Yes, I was speaking about myself, and I agree that if there is not sexual attraction there can't be love, but at the same time I always kept thinking about her, wanted her only for me etc. She's not a close friend, we hanged out together some weeks (no sex) but then we went both our ways, and looking at some of her pictures now I realized how much beautiful I always have found her but not ... hot.

Also, I'm not asexual. Could it be a self esteem issue?

Thank you DancingFool and AtItAgain, this thing made me sad because I couldn't cope with the ghost of failure in the bed, with the woman I wanted so much. Too bad it finished before anything like that could even happen.

So you have very strong feelings for a woman yet they aren't sexual in nature at all?

 

If you want her for yourself in what way is that?

 

Like you want her as a best friend forever but not have sexual interactions with?

 

Are you just really lonely and are falling back to this girl because of the strength of the connection?

Like you want her as a best friend forever but not have sexual interactions with?

 

Are you just really lonely and are falling back to this girl because of the strength of the connection?

It could be. I liked her because I found her special, the kind of woman you'd like to be engaged with for the longest possible.

Hi there,

what do you think could be the reasons for a man (I'm referring to the male case since I'm a man and the answer for the women's case is different since their sexuality is) feeling deep affection for a woman, I could say love, but not sexual attraction to the point he couldn't even have fantasies (also masturbate) about her and him together.

It doesn't disgust him since the woman is also very pretty, but it just leaves him stone-cold; at the same time this is not the case with other women, to whom he doesn't feel even the tiniest grain of affection, but find them arousing. How would you call his feeling for this woman?

Thank you.

 

I think the bolded is very telling.

 

So let me ask you a question. What type of woman "do" you feel sexually attracted to?

 

On one hand, there is a woman you have tons of affection for, everything you could ever want in a woman, a woman you could see marrying and perhaps the mother of your children, virtuous, but you feel NO sexual attraction to her.

 

On the other hand, there are women that you feel NO affection for, who you DO feel sexually attracted to.

 

Yeah it would be interesting to know the type of women you do find sexually alluring and attraction for, other than you have no affection for them.

 

Have you heard of the madonna/wh*re complex?

That's what I was thinking, madonna/wh*re complex.

It won't work...otherwise you are just friends....Why not just be her friend and find yourself a woman that will knock your socks off?

Also, just one last point to take into consideration.... Is this woman really feminine or more in her masculine? I strongly believe there needs to be a polarity in feminine and masculine energies for there to be a spark...

 

For example, I am a pretty masculine guy and naturally I am attracted to super feminine women (ie. they are really open, fun, flirty, like to connect with other people, etc. etc. )....there is no way in hell I could ever date a woman who acted like a drill Sargent (super masculine)...

 

Say you are a typical guy that is more in his masculine, then a woman who is more like a guy will actually be a turn of sexually. If she is always trying to plan dates, take control, and be a leader....then that would actually turn ya off....so if this is the case and you want to be attracted to her, just tell her to relax a bit, you are a man and can handle everything and she can just relax, let her guard down and be more feminine....

I think the bolded is very telling.

 

So let me ask you a question. What type of woman "do" you feel sexually attracted to?

 

On one hand, there is a woman you have tons of affection for, everything you could ever want in a woman, a woman you could see marrying and perhaps the mother of your children, virtuous, but you feel NO sexual attraction to her.

 

On the other hand, there are women that you feel NO affection for, who you DO feel sexually attracted to.

 

Yeah it would be interesting to know the type of women you do find sexually alluring and attraction for, other than you have no affection for them.

 

Have you heard of the madonna/wh*re complex?

That's what I was thinking, madonna/wh*re complex.

This madonna/wh*re complex is very interesting, thanks! I never heard about this, and now that I know it exists I'll read more and more about it, and I this makes me think about my parents. Very deep.

Anyway, the kind of woman I find both sexually and mentally alluring:

1) has to show the least interest for me, so that I know I can court her,

2) must be able to keep a sober conversation for longer that 10 minutes, so that I know I won't be bored and I will not bore her after the spicy moments are ended

3) there must be signs that she is loyal and mature, think about the future and not too much about the past (NO drama also)

4) she definetely has to be feminine and submissive, and a little sensual (not vulgar). I do not like the "strong and independent woman" thing, or the butch style.

Also, she could be the sexiest girl in the world, but if she behaves like a b***h (bad manners, bad words, egocentric etc) then she's invisible in every way to me.

Honestly I think I have pretty average tastes.

Also, just one last point to take into consideration.... Is this woman really feminine or more in her masculine? I strongly believe there needs to be a polarity in feminine and masculine energies for there to be a spark...

 

For example, I am a pretty masculine guy and naturally I am attracted to super feminine women (ie. they are really open, fun, flirty, like to connect with other people, etc. etc. )....there is no way in hell I could ever date a woman who acted like a drill Sargent (super masculine)...

 

Say you are a typical guy that is more in his masculine, then a woman who is more like a guy will actually be a turn of sexually. If she is always trying to plan dates, take control, and be a leader....then that would actually turn ya off....so if this is the case and you want to be attracted to her, just tell her to relax a bit, you are a man and can handle everything and she can just relax, let her guard down and be more feminine....

Yes, I thought the same of you. It's interesting the fact that this happened to me with two women, one very masculine (actually a young girl at the time) and the other very feminine, the former when I was a very young man (18 yo) and the latter few months ago, as an adult. The fact that now having/looking for sex with women I don't actually like (and the time/effort spent for that) and the frustration arisen because they were interested in me made ask myself if I have some sort of a "complex".

Yes, I thought the same of you. It's interesting the fact that this happened to me with two women, one very masculine (actually a young girl at the time) and the other very feminine, the former when I was a very young man (18 yo) and the latter few months ago, as an adult. The fact that now having/looking for sex with women I don't actually like (and the time/effort spent for that) and the frustration arisen because they were interested in me made ask myself if I have some sort of a "complex".

 

You and wildation are missing the part where OP said he has tons of affection for her, holds her in high regard and esteem, the type of woman he sees having a RL with, but feels no sexual attraction.

 

If she were "masculine" as you suggest and he's only into feminine woman, then why would he be feeling so much affection for her and want a RL with her?

 

It's the women he feels NO affection for and does NOT want a RL with that he feels sexual desire for.

 

Madonna/wh*ore complex, clearly.

Have you had an experience with a woman that you felt both an emotional and physical connection with?

It's the women he feels NO affection for and does NOT want a RL with that he feels sexual desire for.

Well, actually I never said that: I said that only when speaking about this particular woman.

 

Madonna/wh*ore complex, clearly.

Hhhmmm ... I think only psychologists can use the word "clearly" in this context, I don't know if you're one, anyway thanks for the hint.

 

Have you had an experience with a woman that you felt both an emotional and physical connection with?

Yes, but it lasted for a very short time, and was a quite a weak connection.

 

Thanks to all of you guys, your opinions have helped me with connecting the dots, now I have enough material to meditate on.

Feel free to use this thread for your own or other's similar experiences, bye!

Yes, I thought the same of you. It's interesting the fact that this happened to me with two women, one very masculine (actually a young girl at the time) and the other very feminine, the former when I was a very young man (18 yo) and the latter few months ago, as an adult. The fact that now having/looking for sex with women I don't actually like (and the time/effort spent for that) and the frustration arisen because they were interested in me made ask myself if I have some sort of a "complex".

 

AWR, I had read this earlier but at the time didn't realize you were the OP!!

 

Sorry 'bout that.

AWR, I had read this earlier but at the time didn't realize you were the OP!!

 

Sorry 'bout that.

No problem, it happens.