I need help.

About 3 weeks ago, my relationship ended.

From day one, I made mistake after mistake, stupid decision after stupid decision. But I never truly understood what I had done until now.

3 weeks ago my girlfriend had decided to message my children's mum about meeting my children without speaking to me about it first. I questioned her about this, asking her why she didn't speak to me first. It turned into a row and I ended up telling her I "needed some space". Bear in mind that we live quite a distance apart and we didn't see each other as much as we would like.

In saying that, I put myself first instead of her, just as I always did. I never realised this until now. A couple of days went by and she said we should think about splitting up and asked me what I thought about it, for some reason...I said "i don't know". I knew I did mean this and it was essentially a brain fart. And here we are, 3 weeks down the line separated, she's started speaking to other people.

I never wanted this to happen and it's absolutely broken me.

During the course of the last few days, I've been speaking to some old school friends, they've given me some harsh words, but words I truly needed to hear.

I now fully realise what I've done. I emotionally abused her, I made her doubt herself, doubt me and lose all trust in me. I took her for granted and didn't treat her as she deserved.

I have to have her back, I have to prove to her that I can be the man she always believed I could be. She just won't listen to me.

Please can someone help.

Will she take your calls? Have you explained to her what you have said on this thread?

She won't answer my calls, she speaks to me through text messages but barely. I've explained everything to her.

We have broke up in the past, due to my bad decisions. But it has never gone this far before.

OK, so you have to see it from her perspective amigo and she obviously doesn't trust you at this point after giving you multiple chances. You can't blame her for that and it's a hard earned lesson for you. I would recommend holding off and maybe focusing on yourself for a few weeks. Maybe see if she comes to you at all.

I don't blame her for one second.

She told me she still loves me but isn't in love with me. She told me she will always care about me, but she just doesn't feel the same.

I've had more than enough chances, but as I said in my first post... I never fully understood how I had been, I do now and I know that if she gave me the opportunity that I would do everything the right way. I need her to take a leap of faith

She told me she will always care about me, but she just doesn't feel the same.

It's over. That is the "I'm done with you" in kind fashion.

I feel your pain amigo. I've been there with a girl I still think could be the mother of my children and it was extremely hard to accept.

The thing is, she has said this to me before. But we've managed to figure things out.

People that know us both keep telling me that it seems as though she's playing games with me, getting me back for the things I've done to her. I don't know what to think

Send her a card or flowers- Tell her- You have finally realized how bad you have been. You have finally realized all the mistakes you have made. You have finally realized the pain you have caused her. You also realize you love her- she is your soulmate and love of your life. Say I understand you are hurt. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me- Give me 1 more chance- This time I will not let you down. I will not bother you with calls or texts if you do not want me in your life. So Im telling you how I feel- If you still love me and feel you can give me another chance, please call me.

leave the ball in her court- I hope she contacts you. Leave her alone to think- You dont contact I wish you the best of luck

What mistakes have you made in the past that lead to break-ups?

And why did she speak to your ex instead of you about meeting your children? In my opinion, that wasn't appropriate of her at all.

i broke up with her, near the start because i felt like we werent going anywhere. during the break up....i made the monumental mistake of sleeping with my kids mum. i never intending on doing this.

atfer that, i realised what i had lost with her and tried my best to win her back. this, added to all the emotional stress i put her through, has resulted in where i am today.

What mistakes have you made in the past that lead to break-ups?

 

And why did she speak to your ex instead of you about meeting your children? In my opinion, that wasn't appropriate of her at all.

Yes, I agree with this. It really WASN'T her place to contact your ex about your children, and I don't blame you for being annoyed about it.

atfer that, i realised what i had lost with her and tried my best to win her back. this, added to all the emotional stress i put her through, has resulted in where i am today.

Agreed, sleeping with your ex was not a good idea when you were trying to build up a new relationship, but she either needed to get beyond that or leave at the time. I know which I would have done!

That apart, what was the 'emotional stress' you put her through?

That apart, what was the 'emotional stress' you put her through?

I didnt realise I was doing it at the time. But after speaking to some old friends who were very harsh, but said things I needed to head, i've realised what i did.

I made her doubt her worth, doubt herself, doubt me and lose all trust in me. I bailed on her when she needed me, saying I needed space after a row. Even though we didnt get to see each other much anyway.

I've been horrible to her, I realise all this now and I have to rectify it

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? Wow she had zero boundaries calling Your ex to talk about Your children.

That's really over the top, no? Total deal breaker you did the right thing calling her out on it and ending it. What possessed her to pull a stunt like that? The jealousy? Distrust? Being on/off and back with your ex are also red flags.

You dodged a bullet if this is an example of the end runs around you she plans to pull. Very controlling. Plus an LDR is always more difficult.

3 weeks ago my girlfriend had decided to message my children's mum about meeting my children without speaking to me about it first. I questioned her about this, asking her why she didn't speak to me first. It turned into a row and I ended up telling her I "needed some space". she said we should think about splitting up.

I didnt end it Wiseman2, she did. after 2 days of me saying i needed space (stupid mistake), she said we should think about breaking up and i said i didnt know. i did know, i knew i wanted her. i dont know why i said what i said.

it was almost 2 years, but in my 30 years on the planet i have never felt anything like this for anyone but her. i would literally do anything for her.

She told me she did it because she didnt trust me and a part of her wanted to see how id react, apparently i reacted exactly how she predicted.

She told me she did it because she didnt trust me and a part of her wanted to see how id react, apparently i reacted exactly how she predicted.

This is very destructive game-playing; it has no part in a healthy relationship. It's all the more unforgivable because she was involving your children. This is a major no-no.

If you genuinely abused her emotionally, you need to look at your own behaviour. It's just that abusers typically won't acknowledge it at all, let alone admit their mistakes and wish to apologise - which is why I'm wondering if it's actually true in your case. Way, way back I was in an abusive relationship where I thought I was the bad guy; it was only when I went into therapy that I realised that yes, one of us was indeed very controlling of the other - but it wasn't me in charge!

After two years, neither of you is likely to be putting on any kind of act for the benefit of the other and you will be getting a real handle on what's going on. So her ending it may turn out to be a blessing in disguise....