Ex broke off the relationship the day after Valentines day...

Hello everyone,

So on February 15th, my girlfriend first texted and said we need to talk and she doesn't think she sees us working. Then proceeded to call, and confirm that we need to break up. Backstory of us, we've been together for a little over a year. She is 29, and I am 23. We both work at the same company. When she started, I was assigned as her trainer for a portion of the overall work. During that time, she became use to me, and liked how I trained, so I became her personal trainer, both with work, and on the phones. Time went on, and we began to talk about our personal life. She was a mother of a 2yo(at the time) living in the same apartment as the baby father. She really had no where else to go as everything, work, school, was so near. Without having babysitters, the father would watch over the child while she was at either work, or school. The baby father works from home. Time went on, and she would tell me awful stories about how he treated her, and degraded her. One day, we began to go out to her car, and continue the stories away from coworkers. We did this on the regular, every lunch, and it then started after work for ~15 minute talks. Well one day during lunch, I leaned in for a kiss, and she did as well. Those talking moments turned into make out sessions. This continued for awhile, until we were caught by someone who we still do not know to this day. We had to stop doing that immediately. Well one day came when she came to me and said she had enough living at the apartment with the baby father. So I jumped in and said I would help anyway possible. We then had searched for apartments at the same complex, but a few floors below. We found one, I cosigned, and we had found another roommate to split the costs. Well turned out the "roommate" faked, and left us with the payments for two whole months. With me being so inexperienced, that situation was new to me, and I had gotten cold feet at one point, but turned around and made up for my mistake, that being not helping make a payment. The only reason I backed out was because my bank would not do a transfer in time to her account. I had done it before, but it was not working when I needed it too. Well after those two months, we needed to get out of the apartment. We spent an entire weekend looking for apartments, to which we found one a mile away. We moved into it asap. I put my name on that lease as well, my girlfriend had bad credit, due to the baby father using her name on Credit Cards.

Months went by, and she had been living in the new apartment with no worries. I spent a lot of time over with her, and her daughter. I would sometimes watch her daughter, as events came up and daycare/baby father was out of the country, and with my girlfriend at work. Her daughter loved me to pieces. We all spent countless hours together, and during this time I learned a lot. As being the oldest child, I have a younger brother I never really helped out with when I was younger. Never really learning anything about caring for a child. I cherished my time with both her and her daughter. They became my world. I would wake up and go to sleep with either of them on my mind.

Back in September, on a Friday night she messaged me. She wanted what we had to take a break. It was a shocker to me, I had went on a walk for 2 hours trying to get her back via texts. It may have made the situation worse, but I was determined. Well the whole month past, I was depressed, but had motivation to get my license, as in the past I was scared. Too many bad stories/events had happened to making me not wanting it in the past. I proceeded to get my permit 2 weeks after she wanted that break. The following month, October, was her daughters birthday. She sent out a group text to a bunch of people inviting them to the princess party. I responded saying I would love to be there, and to give me some ideas at presents. She accepted me coming, and gave me a few ideas. I ended up buying the girl some princess related items, and a castle she could play in with a sleeping bag. I was so excited to be apart of the event. The week of the event arrived, and my girlfriend came to me at work asking if I could help with finding a cake. We searched for designs, and ended up at a grocery store, who personally made the cake for us. On the evening before the party, I came over to spend some time with them both, my girlfriend was doing her daughters hair, and through that time, we talked about us. We talked for hours. On the day of the party, I spent the day at their house, helping my girlfriend prepare food, and make goody bags for the event. Everything was going right, I felt like we had reconnected. I helped take the food over to the baby fathers house, where the party was being held, and my girlfriend and I both went to pick up the cake. We decided that it may be best for me to stay at her apartment as me being their at the baby fathers it could start trouble. I agreed, and spent the night there. Hours went by, around 1AM I received a phone call from her asking if I could come help take some things from the car. As I got outside she ran into my chest crying. She told me that the end of the party was terrible, that the baby father degraded her in front of her best friend. It was terrible, we took everything upstairs and put her daughter to bed. She spent the next ~30 minutes telling me what happened. I promised her that she never will have to deal with that outside of his house when I am around. I will always be there for her etc.

Months go by, we ended up getting a turkey from Boston market for thanksgiving. I came over thanksgiving night, and spent the weekend with them as we had black Friday off. Then came the second week of December, we were at work. My girlfriend had taken a Facebook quiz, that said "what will Santa bring you for Christmas" and her answer was a rich boyfriend. Well one of my coworkers said "wow you're going to be driving around in a Ferrari" a brief silence occurred, and I spoke up saying she may not know what that is, jokingly. Well this angered her, I received a message asking if we could talk. I went with her, and she exploded at me saying why would I say something like that, that I think she doesn't know what cars are based off her country of origin. I tried explaining myself to her, but it was unsuccessful. Then this is where she really went off, throughout our time together we had our moments. I don't have too many friends I express myself too. There is a coworker, who is like a brother to me. We have been through a lot, went out clubbing, drink festivals, was in a car accident. I went to him in moments where I needed to express myself, or was looking for advice. After the quiz incident, I texted that coworker saying that what was done in our convo was over the line, and she didn't like the jokes, so don't bring it up. Word got back to her that I told him that, and she sent a message saying why can't I keep our discussions private, that everybody doesn't need to know when we have a dispute. I was appalled as I never knew she would came at me the way she did. She ended that fight over messages, by saying "you should go [insert coworkers name]" This attitude is nothing I had ever seen from her, the whole time I had been with her. I decided to back off and give her space. Well the two weeks go by and it was Christmas. I had already got gifts for her, which I had wrapped and placed under her tree after Thanksgiving. She invited me over so I could be there when they opened presents. She ended up getting me a belt, which was a very nice one, and I use it to this day, and nothing else, as I didn't hint or ask for anything. Which was fine, as I did just that. She was ecstatic at her gifts I got her. On her very first present she opened, it was a sports jersey in the color she hinted at all year. She said thanks babe, and gave me a kiss. The other gifts she was happy for too. I got her matching bottoms to the jersey, underwear in the style she had been looking at, and a blanket with her team on it. Well after that it seemed like we were back together, without any major problems.

New Years came, and we spent the weekend together. New Years was our "official" anniversary. For 2016, we missed the ball drop as we were doing "other things" throughout that time frame. We made it a mission to watch it this year, and count down. For this one, we actually had her daughter with us as well. We watched the ball drop as a family. We kissed for a while at midnight, and toasted. It felt amazing being in her company.

A few days passed, and she started having this weird feeling in her throat every time she swallowed. This feeling kept intensifying over the weeks, to the point on the last week of January, she called me that Friday night, and wanted me to be by her side as she was scared. I rushed over, and we spent the entire weekend together. We ended up calling off on Monday, and Tuesday to go to Urgent Care. On Monday, they weren't able to do anything, and pumped her with potassium and water. Tuesday we had an appointment scheduled with a ENT. We went and saw one doctor, who said he didn't see anything, and maybe there was a membrane causing the feeling. Backstory, my girlfriend said that back in her country, there is this thing where the feeling she described, was an operation where they would cut something in their throat which held tiny bead like things, which if done incorrectly or swallowed on their own could kill them. This explained her fear factor. With meeting with the first doctor, she was not satisfied, so we ended up asking to see another doctor. We had to wait a few hours as he was doing an operation. We spent that time at a local mall, we tried to have lunch, but the feeling in her throat made it hard, and spent the remainder time shopping. I spoiled her, saying everything was on me as she is in pain and I want to make her as happy as possible at the moment. I bought her a purse, and some leggings. We then went back to Urgent Care, to see the ENT. This doctor though, was from a country near her own. This was great, as he has some understanding to the story she told. His response though was that he doesn't believe it, and most of the time its just folktale, but what he agreed on was to do whatever made her happy. Which was to cut the piece in her throat out that was irritating her. The procedure was 5-10 minutes tops, and the little piece was then sent off to a lab to be tested.

That week went by, and on Thursday, the lack of sleep caught up to me. I decided to leave work early, and then took Friday off as well. On Thursday as soon as I got home, my girlfriend had called me to check up on me. I appreciated her doing that, and it made me feel good. The same thing happened Friday, she called me after her meetings, and we talked through text messages for the remainder of the work day. Saturday her team had played, and they lost sadly. I had called her after the game, just to check up on her, but our conversation didn't last long. At that moment, something felt off to me, but I thought maybe she was just upset as her team lost, and didn't think much of it. Well Monday came, Feb 6, I went back to work. I went to check on her a little bit after she got in and wanted to see if she wanted breakfast. She gave me a quick no, and the awkward feeling arose out of no where. Later I came back and wanted to know if she wanted lunch by chance as I was going to go get something from our favorite place. She gave me her order, and when I came back she gave me a heads up that she wanted to talk, but it wasn't good. When she told me that, I was getting a sick feeling. We ended up going on a walk, and she basically went into detail that her doctor had called on Saturday, but during our conversation she never told me what was said. Just gave me things like "it could be cancer" which was what killed her mom when she was a very young girl. That terrified me. Then she said that I could have given her something, and I asked if she meant STD wise, and she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she wanted space for the time being. That conversation left me with so many questions, and it got the best of me. All she asked for was space, but as soon as I got back to my desk I researched our companies FLMA rules, and decided to give her a heads up about it as it may help her recover. I sent her a text saying my thoughts, and asked if she wanted it emailed. She responded yes, to which I did and texted back that I sent it. I then get an immediate text back saying "please stop texting me!" I ended all forms of communication at that. I actually went silent to the outside world for the reminder of the week. I really should not have done that, but I noticed that she would still go around and talk to random people, but avoided me. That made the silence more intense from me.

Well the end of the week approached, and I had noticed she was going to leave early on Friday. So I sent a text on Thursday asking if she wanted her Valentines day gifts that day or the next, which was Friday. She said she would take them that day, but I needed to run home to get them. So she said the following day would be fine. The gifts I got her were a diamond heart necklace, and a popup card that had flowers in a 3D format. I placed them in her desk on Friday before she got in. When Friday came, she came to my desk first thing, and gave me her keys asking if I wanted to transfer the gifts. I ended up telling her that I left them in her desk actually. She walked away saying nothing more to me the rest of the day. In the card I expressed in detail, that I am always there for her, and the news that she gave me scared me, and I wanted to be there in any way possible. I included pictures that she told me to show her if we ever were in an argument, and it would make her reconsider the situation. She sent me a text after she left thanking me for the gifts. The following day, I had scheduled for flowers to be delivered. I originally was planning on being there when they were delivered. I caved in later that day, and sent a text asking if she received them, and I was worried about her. I never received confirmation from her, only confirmation I got was from an email from the company I bought them from.

Well the next week started, and there were two gifts to be delivered. I scheduled one gift, which was a build a bear, to be delivered on Tuesday, Valentines Day and the other, which were flip flops, was waiting to be delivered to my house. That Tuesday we had a company wide event. I did not get to see her all day that day. Later after work when I got home, I received a picture message of her holding the bear, and a small smile. That gave me so much good vibes, and actually made my day. She told me thanks for the bear, and happy valentines day. This boosted my confidence, but then the next day came. After work, when I got home. She sent a text going into detail that she doesn't think its working, and she doesn't feel reciprocal about the relationship as much as I do. I responded with I can understand her views, but to give me a chance to see how I could fix them. She texted back saying I don't get it, that whatever I do won't be enough. She then called me right after that text. We talked on the phone for close to an hour. She was very calm, and seemed that she had already made her mind up. I was not thinking right, and pleaded for what we had to not end, and that I don't get where it went wrong as we had been with each other, and I had been caring for her. She said that a relationship would not work, as she doesn't have the same feelings for me as I do, but would like to restart our friendship to what we had at the beginning. I agreed to her wishes, but it sent me into a depression state I've never been in before. Our relationship has been my first truly dedicated love relationship I've been in.

The next day, Thursday, I couldn't see myself at work, and called off. I stayed home and my mind was rushing. What threw me off was that moments into my shift, she calls me, and wanted to check on me as she saw I took off. This made me have so many questions, but I told her it was due to what occurred last night. She told me it'll take time, but I'll get over it. Once she said that I went silent, and waited for her to hang up. I texted her a few minutes later, asking why she wanted to check on me, was it as a friend? She replied with yes, and that will never change until the day I decide to not be friends. This crushed me, but at the same time she was the only one at my job to hit me up to see how I was doing. Later in the day, the flip flops were delieverd, and I left them in their box, but wrote a note that I included two questions, which were where did I go wrong, and why invite me over to care for you if you were going to end it a week later. I brought the present to work the following day, and she responded thanks for the gift with a happy face, then a follow up text saying if I don't stop with the notes and questions then she will end what friendship we had. I responded I didn't mean any harm by it, and for her to enjoy her gift.

The following week, this past week, came, and she began to come and say hello to me in the mornings, which I liked, and missed. I have heard from many sources NC is to be done if you want to get an ex back, but in my environment it was hard. On the other hand, I have heard stories that NC makes things worse. In my situation I feel like if NC is used, she'll move on quicker. Well the week goes on, and throughout the week, she asked if I wanted to go on walks to Pokestops as we both loved playing Pokemon GO. On our first walk of the week, she asked if my parents knew if we broke up, which I told her yeah they do, and she said my mom probably hates her now. I told her to not think that way, that my parents never hate anybody, no matter what occurs. They dislike it when anybody uses the word hate. She then went on that she would like to take and replace my name on her lease with her brothers. I didn't know what else to do besides agree, as I really had no say as she is the one living there. We had a phone call come from the leasing office on Tuesday during our walk, and we put in the request at that time. It is still in the works to my understanding. Then Thursday came around, she asked if I wanted to go walk with her to get lunch. I agreed and we both walked up to a Chinese spot. On our way we came to an intersection and we were about to cross, when she went and grabbed for my hand, and we both held hands all the way to the restaurant. She picked up and paid for her food, and we left. As we left, she received an email from a job opportunity she had interviewed with 2 times in the past 3 weeks. They wanted to get some information from her so we stopped while she wrote up that email. Afterwards we walked back to work, while holding hands again. We passed some coworkers who were in our department, and I asked her should we let go, and she said oh who cares about them, so we held on tighter. We got back to work and I gave her her food as I was holding it, and told her to enjoy it.

Friday came, and the usual wanna go for a walk question came up and I agreed, so we went on one. This time we didn't hold hands but just enjoyed the weather, and talked about how one of the job opportunities wants to see her Monday, so she has requested to leave early so she can go see them. I told her that I am happy for her. She then went on to tell me what she had planned for the weekend, which was to finally take down the Christmas tree we set up back in November, and to study material related to the interview Monday. I came up with the question of "do you need help with the tree?" but she responded with a no. During our walks this past week, she has told me that the bear I got her she has tried to keep it out of her daughters possession as its "hers" which made me feel good. I had a recording placed in it of myself, and she told me her daughter will play it before they go to bed each night. She told me she keeps it on her bed at all times.

All of the things that happened this past week has given me hope, but during our walk yesterday, she brought up that the day after our breakup she had received a call in regards to one of the interviews. I was happy for her, but how she stated the conversation, it kinda made me depressed. Later in the evening I had a reminder go off, which she asked me to set earlier in the week. I texted her to remind her of the reminder, which she responded thanks, but she took care of it already. Then told me what she had done throughout the evening, which was taking down the tree, and doing some exercises. I responded that's good, and to not overdo it on the exercises, and never got a response back.

Now questions that I have running through my mind. Why would she want to be in so much contact with me? I know that if it bugs me, then I should avoid contact. Why does she want to keep telling me personal things? I believe it is because she still has trust in me, but that makes me question myself. Finally, Why did she want to hold my hand for that period of time during our walk Thursday, if she doesn't have the same feelings towards me. Could it mean she sees something in the future? I would love that, but have conditioned my brain to not make that top priority, which was extremely hard to do, as from her wishes she wants to focus on her and her daughters future, and her career.

Sorry you got caught in the middle of all this. Is she reconciling with the baby daddy and friendzoning you now?

What did she mean by this: "Then she said that I could have given her something, and I asked if she meant STD wise, and she wasn't sure"?

She was a mother of a 2yo living in the same apartment as the baby father. We moved into it asap. I helped take the food over to the baby fathers house. All she knew was that she wanted space for the time being.

I only got through about half of this. But it seems like you were handy when she needed a co-signer on two (!) apartments and free babysitting and someone to help her pay for things. And of course she wants to keep you around for the next time she needs party things or someone to help her pay for an apartment or a free babysitter.

Well she can not stand the baby father, she always came to me in the past in regards to him. I would say no to her getting back with him. That quote you grabbed, I am not 100% sure, that was when she asked to go on a walk that Monday, and told me that she received results from the doctor. I never got a clear answer on that one, I know I am cleaned, I got tested on the Thursday I called out.

She shouldn't be accepting gifts from you and you shouldn't be sending them to her. You didn't do anything wrong, as it seems to be in your story. She's just not as interested in you and you are her... buying her gifts and writing all these notes will not make her like you more. It seems like she's with you when she feels like it and pushes you away when she feels like it.

If you want her back that's understandable... the relationship doesn't seem abusive or bad. She's just not that into you. So you should stop doing things for her like offering to help with every little thing that she's more than capable of doing on her own and buying her gifts every week. It's not attractive to have someone constantly chasing you after expressing you don't want to be with them. Might make things worse actually.

Yeah that is something a few people have told me. As in I was an accessory for her. I truly don't see that, but then again I am not her. It crushes me to think that way though, as I put so much effort into the relationship.

That's basically how she expressed herself "not as interested in you and you are her" maybe not the exact words, but how I read it. All the gifts were bought the day we came home from Urgent Care, after the surgery though, and I haven't bought any since. I know that would come off as weird.

I do want the relationship back, but I do see her stance. I am trying to stop the help thing, but she is the one coming to me asking for it. I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. I will try and back off from giving help though.

Yeah that is something a few people have told me. As in I was an accessory for her. I truly don't see that, but then again I am not her. It crushes me to think that way though, as I put so much effort into the relationship.

She didn't ask you for anything so it's not like she was using you. You offered her a lot and she accepted them... and she shouldn't because she has no plans of being with you in the future.

And you put in too much effort. Too much effort because she's told you to stop texting her and told you she doesn't wanna be with you... you can't force or convince your way into someone's life by buying gifts and offering your services whenever possible. It comes off as needy and desperate.

That's basically how she expressed herself "not as interested in you and you are her" maybe not the exact words, but how I read it. All the gifts were bought the day we came home from Urgent Care, after the surgery though, and I haven't bought any since. I know that would come off as weird.

 

I do want the relationship back, but I do see her stance. I am trying to stop the help thing, but she is the one coming to me asking for it. I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. I will try and back off from giving help though.

If it grows elsewhere then let it. The tighter you hold on the harder she'll fight to free herself. When she asks tell her your busy. She's not your girl, she's not your problem. You're not some toy she can just pick up and put down when she's done using it. Show her you have some respect for yourself.

I only got through about half of this. But it seems like you were handy when she needed a co-signer on two (!) apartments and free babysitting and someone to help her pay for things. And of course she wants to keep you around for the next time she needs party things or someone to help her pay for an apartment or a free babysitter.

Yup! Totally agree!

Please DO NOT EVER co sign for someone again! This is a great way to screw up your credit and future!!!!!!!

Also, stop acting as her therapist. You should look into co dependency. The 'relationship' is one-sided and unhealthy.

She didn't ask you for anything so it's not like she was using you. You offered her a lot and she accepted them... and she shouldn't because she has no plans of being with you in the future.

 

And you put in too much effort. Too much effort because she's told you to stop texting her and told you she doesn't wanna be with you... you can't force or convince your way into someone's life by buying gifts and offering your services whenever possible. It comes off as needy and desperate.

"I am trying to stop the help thing, but she is the one coming to me asking for it. I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. "

He says himself that she asks him.

So you're afraid if you say "no" she'll leave you?

What does that tell you right there? You must have some suspicion she's using you for money, babysitting and someone to co-sign on apartments. And did I read that you're even giving her money for rent?

If you think a woman might leave you if you stop giving her money...then you already know the answer.

You are actually helping her find someone buzzing around in the friendzone doing all this stuff for her. You need to go no contact so she at least begins to respect you..

I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. I will try and back off from giving help though.

She didn't ask you for anything so it's not like she was using you. You offered her a lot and she accepted them... and she shouldn't because she has no plans of being with you in the future.

 

And you put in too much effort. Too much effort because she's told you to stop texting her and told you she doesn't wanna be with you... you can't force or convince your way into someone's life by buying gifts and offering your services whenever possible. It comes off as needy and desperate.

-You're right, she didn't ask for help, but she did accept it when I offered it. I took your "It seems like she's with you when she feels like it and pushes you away when she feels like it." from your other comment, as what other people have said to me, but they say that it seems like she has "used" me. That was my interpretation of your comment, sorry.

-That's the thing, on the day she expressed herself that she didn't want to continue what we had, I was in denial. After a few days, I was not forcing or trying to convince her in any way, she came back into MY life. How is it that I am putting in too much effort?

"I am trying to stop the help thing, but she is the one coming to me asking for it. I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. "

 

He says himself that she asks him.

 

So you're afraid if you say "no" she'll leave you?

 

What does that tell you right there? You must have some suspicion she's using you for money, babysitting and someone to co-sign on apartments. And did I read that you're even giving her money for rent?

 

If you think a woman might leave you if you stop giving her money...then you already know the answer.

Yeah my bad I didn't see that post until after I posted mine.

Anyway pal, whether she's using you or not she does not want to be with you and is playing with your emotions day in and day out... you allow her to..

"I am trying to stop the help thing, but she is the one coming to me asking for it. I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. "

 

He says himself that she asks him.

 

So you're afraid if you say "no" she'll leave you?

 

What does that tell you right there? You must have some suspicion she's using you for money, babysitting and someone to co-sign on apartments. And did I read that you're even giving her money for rent?

 

If you think a woman might leave you if you stop giving her money...then you already know the answer.

You are letting her use you. Stop being such a doormat.

Someone that cares, does not treat you like this!

-You're right, she didn't ask for help, but she did accept it when I offered it. I took your "It seems like she's with you when she feels like it and pushes you away when she feels like it." from your other comment, as what other people have said to me, but they say that it seems like she has "used" me. That was my interpretation of your comment, sorry.

 

-That's the thing, on the day she expressed herself that she didn't want to continue what we had, I was in denial. After a few days, I was not forcing or trying to convince her in any way, she came back into MY life. How is it that I am putting in too much effort?

Now you're contradicting yourself. You said in your post previous to this one that she IS asking and you're afraid to say no in case she asks for and gets help from someone else.

Is she asking or isn't she? Because that is key.

I am not providing money for rent currently. The only time I assisted with money, was at her previous apartment due to the other occupants never moving in. I am not afraid of her leaving me because of money.

-You're right, she didn't ask for help, but she did accept it when I offered it. I took your "It seems like she's with you when she feels like it and pushes you away when she feels like it." from your other comment, as what other people have said to me, but they say that it seems like she has "used" me. That was my interpretation of your comment, sorry.

 

-That's the thing, on the day she expressed herself that she didn't want to continue what we had, I was in denial. After a few days, I was not forcing or trying to convince her in any way, she came back into MY life. How is it that I am putting in too much effort?

Shes coming back into your life because she knows she can. She can walk in and walk out whenever she wants... it's either she wants to stay for good or leave for good. Don't accept this in between mess.

Sorry, I am moving too fast. She is, but with that comment, I read it wrongly. She comes to ask for help randomly, with his comment I took it as he was mentioning something that happened in the past ex cosigning.

Focus on this:

"I texted her a few minutes later, asking why she wanted to check on me, was it as a friend? She replied with yes, and that will never change until the day I decide to not be friends. "

I am not providing money for rent currently. The only time I assisted with money, was at her previous apartment due to the other occupants never moving in. I am not afraid of her leaving me because of money.

"I am trying to stop the help thing, but she is the one coming to me asking for it. I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. "

I'm not trying to beat up on you (because you're obviously hurting), but you are contradicting yourself.

Did she break the lease on the first apartment? Because if she did, that will really do a number on your credit. I hope it wasn't a broken lease. Otherwise when you're 30 and wanting to buy a house with the nice woman you meet after you finally realize this woman isn't right for you, you will be kicking yourself for ruining your credit over her.

I wonder if you stopped the "help", how much longer you'd keep hearing from her.

"I am trying to stop the help thing, but she is the one coming to me asking for it. I am not sure of how to respectfully decline it, as I am truthfully afraid of her finding it elsewhere, and that relationship grows into something I fear. "

 

I'm not trying to beat up on you (because you're obviously hurting), but you are contradicting yourself.

 

Did she break the lease on the first apartment? Because if she did, that will really do a number on your credit. I hope it wasn't a broken lease. Otherwise when you're 30 and wanting to buy a house with the nice woman you meet after you finally realize this woman isn't right for you, you will be kicking yourself for ruining your credit over her.

 

I wonder if you stopped the "help", how much longer you'd keep hearing from her.

-Sorry, but how or where am I contradicting myself to everyone? The help with rent was over a year ago, before any of this started. So I don't see how that could possibly be applied.

-She did not, we rode out the lease until the complex said we could move out, which was a 3 month period. So nothing negative is on my credit.

-I wonder the same thing, but something inside of me currently, I know it'll pass with time, does not want to know that. I will have to work on that if I want peace of mind, but the constant checking on me, or wanting to go talk has me lost in translation.

You sound like a really nice guy. I don't want to say TOO nice, because the world needs nice people like you. But I think she was taking advantage of you, or at least she sounds very inconsiderate. Not a good match. Find someone who appreciates your kindness and returns it.

Finally, Why did she want to hold my hand for that period of time during our walk Thursday, if she doesn't have the same feelings towards me. Could it mean she sees something in the future? I would love that, but have conditioned my brain to not make that top priority, which was extremely hard to do, as from her wishes she wants to focus on her and her daughters future, and her career.

I don't think that she sees something with you in the future. I do think she held your hand because she cares about you. I think she she knows she took a little advantage of you, she feels bad for that, and she ended the relationship because she didn't want to continue taking advantage of you. That's why she was so adamant about cutting contact.

When was the last time she asked for "help"?

Was it before or after she decided you two should be "friends"? Was it before or after the hand-holding day?