falling for my boyfriend's best friend

I'm starting to develop feelings for my boyfriend's best friend... I'm attracted to him in every way , everything that he is and well... he is actually really handsome. All I can think is him , I can't even make love to my boyfriend anymore because all I think is that is not him that I want to make love to. And honestly I think he feels attracted to me as well. The way he looks at me and how he always try to be close to me, he is very caring and nice to me... I don't even know what to do about it, and I can't really tell anyone because I'm ashame of it...

Well, here are the possible scenarios:

1. Pursue your BFs BFF, he turns you down due to being your BFs BFF and you lose both your BF and the BFF.

2. Pursue your BFs BFF, he takes the bait and

A. You sleep with him a few times and he dumps you.

B. You live happily ever after with the BFF.

Both scenarios, A and B, your BF loses his BFF.

3. Break up with your BF since you're not in love with him. Cut ties (no contact) with him AND his BFF. BF and BFF retain their friendship and you stay single for a while. If after a while (not talking day, weeks or even a month here), the BFF pursues you, then maybe give it a shot.

You can't have either, now. You don't love your bf, so break up with him. You can't pursue your bf's friend. It's highly unethical. Time to move on. Your fate lies with some other guy.

I mean I think friends of girlfriends have historically been most of my crushes. It's a very easy thing to happen and not necessarily a bad thing, you just recognize it for what it is-- a crush. That said, it getting to the point you can't even have sex with your current partner makes it much less about a crush and much more you being unhappy in your relationship.

Make no mistake there is no future between you and this friend. Even if he were to be a terrible best friend and date you after you left his friend to date him, he wouldn't be an idiot and think he could trust you not to treat him the same. You would be a lay and that's about it.

I'd take a good look at your relationship and whether it's right for you. If not, I'd leave both him and his friend behind.

It sounds like a silly little crush turned into a full blown case of The GIGs (grass is greener syndrome.)

Unlike j.man, I don't really seem to get crushes on friends of girlfriends. However, I've had more than one crush on girlfriends of my friends. There is just something about people we know we can't have...

...but I never once acted on one of those crushes.

OP, there is no scenario in which going after the bfs friend ends well. Even if you two end up together, your "love" will be forever tainted by doubly betraying and no doubt devastating your boyfriend.

This crush really isn't about the friend. It's about your relationship with your boyfriend. Turn your attention back to that and end it if need be.

Whatever you decide, your boyfriend doesn't need to know about this.

Bros before ho@s. There's a reason that line exists. Unless there really not friends you will end up with nothing.

Fantasy is always better than the reality.

Matt. You poet, you!

OP - what is your home run hope, here?

Truly, if you had a wand or a pair of glittery red heels, what do you think is the best case scenario you could hope for?

I don't see any possible conclusion here that doesn't involve a great deal of tears and shrieking.

I mean I think friends of girlfriends have historically been most of my crushes. It's a very easy thing to happen and not necessarily a bad thing, you just recognize it for what it is-- a crush. That said, it getting to the point you can't even have sex with your current partner makes it much less about a crush and much more you being unhappy in your relationship.

 

Make no mistake there is no future between you and this friend. Even if he were to be a terrible best friend and date you after you left his friend to date him, he wouldn't be an idiot and think he could trust you not to treat him the same. You would be a lay and that's about it.

 

I'd take a good look at your relationship and whether it's right for you. If not, I'd leave both him and his friend behind.

Your absolutely right. The reason why is because you have an opportunity to meet them and befriend them for a long time without the pressure and drama of being in a relationship and/or having sex with them. You can literally see them as just a friend and often times I have realized that I am more into a girlfriend's friend than her.