Bf confessed he thinks about other girls in a sexual way but says all guys do?

I am asking all the guys! Please for an HONEST answer !

(This part might be good to read before the actual question to understand where we are both coming from):

I am bisexual and never really had an experience with a woman and my boyfriend doesnt allow me to even kiss a girl because he thinks its cheating. So he told me to have a threesome with him, in that way i can have my experience with a girl and he can too. But i told him that i am only curious about other girls because he is NOT a girl. I am not curious or wanting other guys. Only him. So why is he curious about other girls when he has a girl (me)? We are both 21 years old and both slept with around 5 people before we met. I dont NEED to have a sexual experience with another girl since i am happy with my boyfriend but ever since he found out that i am bisexual, he pressures me into a threesome. I first was okay with one, even wanted it....but as i fell harder in love with him during the months, it hurts me to think about him having intimate sex with another woman and to WATCH him doing that. By now we agreed we wait to have a threesome til we are both ready (i know guys love the threesome fantasy but i dont like to be pressured and i think in a few years it will be hot to spice up our sex life, but its too early). I agreed tho that if we find the right girl sooner, we can give him other sexual favors (like oral sex or something or kiss all three of us). I know since i am bisexual that guys will look at other girls butts when they see a nice looking one on the street (even if they have a girlfriend) so i told him he doesnt have to hide it and we can `check out`other girls together. But he gotten way too far with me being this `cool`about it....

So now my question, here is what happened):

My Boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and we were drunk a few days ago and talked about a woman that we both just met at a party. He asked me if i find her attractive and i was drunk and said that i guess i would do her. I said why do you keep talking about her? You want her? And he said: `Ì would want to have sex with her``. The next day when i was sober, i remembered what he said and was pretty hurt by it. And he said he was very sorry he said that, he would never cheat on me...he only meant it like he would have sex with her but only if he was single. And that i am ofcourse better looking than her (which i agreed). She was just an average looking girl but i dont like that my boyfriend thinks about other girls in a sexual way. Or are all boyfriend/husband doing that and he is just feeling comfortable enough to be honest to me??? We started a huge discussion and he went as far as telling me that that girl at the party wasnt anything special, its just that all guys when they see a pretty girl wonder how they look naked or how their body would feel like. I didnt really want to know this. I asked him if he thinks about his female friends naked and he said yes, he doesnt want to-and it doesnt mean they are hot. Its just intrusive thoughts that he cannot stop. ``he is just a guy and all guys lie when they say they dont think like that``- He told me i should be happy that he is being this open with me. And he even confessed that he would have sex with almost all of his female friends and even told me the names of specific ones. He said he will never cheat but he said if he was single he would every girl pretty much that would let him. I feel really uncomfortable in public or around his friends now because i KNOW WHAT he is THINKING when he sees/meets new girls and what he has thought about his female friends. It disgusts me. I never think about ANY guy naked or am curiious about them in any sexual manner, and he said ALL guys do even in relationships. Its just how they are. IS THAT TRUE? OR Am i dating a jerk?

I thought when a guy loves a woman he only has eyes for her..... He said he never fantasizes about another woman when we have sex or at home...its just when we meets a new girl (no matter how ugly or pretty she is) he will have intrusive thoughts about her naked...or when he sees a hot girl somewhere he thinks about what she could look like naked in detail and how it would feel to have sex with her..but it only lasts for couple of seconds and he will forget about the girl within a minute again. He thinks i am the hottest girl and only wants me but every guy has these thoughts and he cant stop it. Now i just want to know if thats true, guys???

Unfortunately it sounds like he's fishing for a threesome.

Do you think he's only dating you because you are bisexual and he believes that means there's a threesome in this for him at some point?

Yes men find women attractive, but his mentioning it was specifically to press on about a threesome. Why not just ask him if that's what he's after?

I am bisexual . My Boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and we were drunk a few days ago and talked about a woman that we both just met at a party. He asked me if i find her attractive and i was drunk and said that i guess i would do her. he said: `Ì would want to have sex with her

Yes i am scared he is only with me because he thinks i am a good sex partner and because he thinks i will have a threesome with him in the future. He even said that the sex keeps us together because it is so amazing to him. We almost broke up and he wasnt too upset about it and said that he at least wants to be friends with benefits. He said its the best sex of his life and i agree with that but i am confused why he is telling me that he thinks about other woman naked when he sees them and that i should be happy that he is being honest. I told him i will find a guy who only has eyes for me and he laughed and said all guys think like me, they will just lie to your face when you ask them about it because they dont want to lose you.

Also i dont feel comfortable with him having female friends he would want to have sex with (ofcouse only if he was single and they would also want that..but most of his female friends have boyfriends). I asked him if he ever had sex with one of them and he said he only kissed one or two of them but would never have sex with them because their friendship is more important. But based on how they look he WOULD have sex with them. So i asked him you want to have sex with your friend? He said no we WOULD, not WANT. There is a difference he said. ....umm whats the big difference haha

Not a guy.....

Are you dating a jerk? YES.

You are kind of combining several issues all into one. First of all, he is pressuring you at all costs into a threesome. If that is not your thing, then you need to put your foot down and tell him flat out it's not going to happen. Ever. Period. So what if you are bi? Many in your shoes tend to be loyal and monogamous and not into swinging, threesomes, etc, etc, etc. So if that's all he is after, he is barking up the wrong tree and you need to be crystal clear with him about it.

When one partner is not into that, but allows the other partner to pressure them into it, guess what? The relationship ends shortly after because it will inevitably raise all kinds of jealousies, insecurities and other assorted issues that the couple is not equipped to handle. What seems great in the fantasy land can be disastrous in reality.

As for what guys think, well, I think generally speaking we all notice attractive people around us. Being in a relationship doesn't make us dead. As for your bf telling you that he is basically like a dog in heat and ready to hump anything that moves around him....he is an immature jerk. Also agree with the above post that he is pretty much using any tactic possible to pressure you into a threesome. He is not being just so cute and open with you, he is actually being an a hole and pushing your boundaries seeing how low will you go and how much will you tolerate.

Personally, I'd dump him even though I know it's easy for me to say and you love him. Please find a man who actually respects you. This one doesn't and has a lot of growing up to do....if he ever will that is.

Yes i am scared he is only with me because he thinks i am a good sex partner and because he thinks i will have a threesome with him in the future. He even said that the sex keeps us together because it is so amazing to him. We almost broke up and he wasnt too upset about it and said that he at least wants to be friends with benefits. He said its the best sex of his life and i agree with that but i am confused why he is telling me that he thinks about other woman naked when he sees them and that i should be happy that he is being honest. I told him i will find a guy who only has eyes for me and he laughed and said all guys think like me, they will just lie to your face when you ask them about it because they dont want to lose you.

....oh wow.....he is quite the manipulative a hole too.....I'm almost speechless at his audacity....

No, please do not stay with him. Just dump his nasty azz and move on. It will hurt, but not as much as staying with such a jerk. He will destroy your self esteem given enough time and no, not all men are dogs in heat.

Unfortunately it already sounds like fwb and he potentially wants threesomes, so is stringing you along in hopes of that.

Yes i am scared he is only with me because he thinks i am a good sex partner and because he thinks i will have a threesome with him in the future. We almost broke up and he wasnt too upset about it and said that he at least wants to be friends with benefits.

I think all men fantasize about threesomes, no? THAT doesnt really bother me. I dont care if in the future we experience a girl together as long as there are rules and we are both comfortable with each other. What makes me feel uncomfortable is that when i meet his friends from now on, i will think about each girl he said he would have sex with and i know he has thought about it with these girls. He says i am just jealous, but no it just really makes me uncomfortable. Yesterday we were sitting in a bus and i guess a girl was sitting behind me because he kept looking over there. He told me to turn around and tell him if i think she is good looking. I said hmm well just average pretty but nothing special and i asked why? He told me he finds her attractive. So at did point i just knew he thought about her in a sexual way because thats what `all guys do`. It made me feel not at all like i am special to him. I know i cannot stop his `intrusive thoughts`that `every man`has , so i just feel helpless. And he tells me if i leave him, i will be surprised what other men out there are like. They all think like that and i will be very hurt in the future. If you guys tell me that its just how guys are then i guess i can live with it because he did choose me as his girlfriend. But i just need to know if all guys are actually like he describes it or if its an excuse.

1. First of all, yes, all guys think about and are attracted to other women. The smart, non-drunk ones in relationships know to keep their mouths shut about it.

2. He's gotten it in his head that he's going to get to have a threesome. You need to diabuse him of such a notion in a very clear manner.

3. Yes, you kissing another girl would be cheating, just the same as if he did it.

4. I don't think this relationship is quite working out.

He keeps trying to hint to you about women you would both like for a threesome. If there is this much doubt and jealously already, do you really see a threesome going well?

By saying you're ok with threesomes and kissing girls, but annoyed when he hints at who you'd like for that, you are sending mixed messages. Either affirm your monogamy or open your relationship.

He told me to turn around and tell him if i think she is good looking. He told me he finds her attractive.

Well i did make clear to him that i dont want a threesome in the near future. We stopped looking for one...at least i thought that. But i just feel uncomfortable walking with him in public, holding his hand..being a lovey couple....but then he looks at other woman and thinks about them naked while with me. I just think thats super offensive but he will not stop doing that cause he says all guys do that and i am just being jealous. I wouldnt be jealous if only once in a while he looks at someones butt and tells me about it, but i dont need him to look at EVERY pretty girl he sees and especially not wonder what they look like underneath clothes and how they would feel like. I just dont know if thats something to break up over ..when my next boyfriend will do the same and just not tell me about it...you know what i mean?

Don't do it. From what you say, it sounds like you'll feel jealous, regret it, and never get over it.

Tell him that. Let him know he's risking losing you by pushing the subject.

Edit: he's right, all men think about other women in a sexual way. But mature men don't let their women know, and they certainly don't look at other women whilst they're together. You'll always feel insecure unless he completely changes his attitude and becomes very romantic for a while to try to show you that he wants you and only you.

After what happened, you need consistent reassurance from him for a while before you can feel secure again, but that's extremely unlikely to happen because your guy is immature and won't realise that probably until he reaches his thirties. It's a sad situation.

I dont think he cares loosing me if i am `so jealous´- he will probably only miss the sex with me.

I dont think he cares loosing me if i am `so jealous´- he will probably only miss the sex with me.

...then why are you with this guy?????

I dont think he cares loosing me if i am `so jealous´- he will probably only miss the sex with me.

Why don't you test it? If he doesn't miss you, you'll know he's not worth it. Tell him you don't want to have sex for a while because you feel a distance between you ever since he started showing interest in other girls (which isn't a lie). You shouldn't have sex with him when you feel like that

Important edit: say it with confidence and don't cry. You need to show that you know what you want and that you're not reacting purely based on emotion. Be firm

We usually have sex at least 2 times a day. I dont know how to just stay away for a few weeks, also i love him ofcourse or i wouldnt be with him. I guess some distance would be good for us tho. Also i am scared to leave him because he keeps telling me how much worse other guys are....

You can't have it both ways. Insist he erase his mind of sex/women and string him along that you're also into women and threesomes. Stop the games.

It sounds like you're desperate to hang on to him so make believe you're going to be ok with threesomes but when he shares with you if you find this or that one attractive you freak out with jealousy.

It's you who needs to figure it out, not him. He's already told he only cares about sex and fwb with you.

Well i did make clear to him that i dont want a threesome in the near future.

We looked for a girl (for the threesome) on apps or in clubs. That was months ago. Then we decided to stop looking. But all of the sudden he looks at a lot of woman on daily basis on the street or somewhere. I dont think he does that for the threesome..i think he just stares and thinks about them naked...just because he is a guy. But everytime i catch him looking, he tells me look as well. As if it makes it alright if i checked her out as well so its even? But can we forget the whole threesome situation for right now. What bothers me is that he confessed to me that he thinks about every woman he knows naked at some point. So for example we met a girl yesterday Lisa (the girlfriend of our mutual friend) and i KNOW he was thinking about her naked and what she would feel like. And i just feel like thats so weird. I never thought of his male friends naked or anything sexual.

Is it hopeless to ever have a boyfriend who never fantasizes about other woman in a sexual manner ?

Why lead him on with the threesome thing? So you would be ok with him having real-live naked women in bed with you and sex with them together with you, but looking at them throws you into a jealous rage? Ok then.

We looked for a girl (for the threesome) on apps or in clubs...i think he just stares and thinks about them naked...But everytime i catch him looking, he tells me look as well.

We usually have sex at least 2 times a day. I dont know how to just stay away for a few weeks, also i love him ofcourse or i wouldnt be with him. I guess some distance would be good for us tho. Also i am scared to leave him because he keeps telling me how much worse other guys are....

You need to do it for yourself. If you lose him for withholding sex, you'll lose him eventually anyway. Might as well save yourself some heartache by letting fade away early.

He's lying to you to keep the sex going.

i am scared to leave him because he keeps telling me how much worse other guys are....

Why lead him on with the threesome thing? So you would be ok with him having real-live naked women in bed with you and sex with them together with you, but looking at them throws you into a jealous rage? Ok then.

Yes if we both are okay with the woman then i dont mind him looking at her naked body. (He also watches porn once in a while and i am okay with it). Its a threesome where we are all agreed to it and having fun. What i think is disrespectful is that he doesnt only do it with one woman. Or with only a VERY attractive woman where i might look as well. What bothers me is that he thinks about almost all girls he sees naked and fantasizes about my female friends or his female friends. I want a boyfriend that only thinks about me all the time and only looks very rarely at others (like it used to be). Is he just out of love? I just dont feel like his one and only.

Sorry to say this but you sound too immature for threesomes. And you seem to be ok with him only wanting you to that end and sex 2x a day and as fwb. Agreeing to all this is the exact opposite of the "I only have eyes for you" exclusive monogamous relationship.

These statements are mutually exclusive.

Yes if we both are okay with the woman then i dont mind him looking at her naked body

I just dont feel like his one and only.

So...you have told him that you want to kiss/have sex with another girl because you are bi and you want that experience it BUT you are so upset that he has talked about other women. heck, he's giving you a taste of your own medicine. Seriously, if you want to have sex with a woman and think that its "okay" because you are telling your boyfriend you would never cheat because you don't want another man - but somehow wanting another woman is not cheating because you are bi - then your thinking is extremely flawed and you should not be in a relationship with a man - you should go sow your oats like you want to with a woman if that is what you want. Dump your boyfriend. Go sleep with women. You can't have it both ways.

Well, your boyfriend is giving you a chance to have it both ways - to have him AND a woman and now you are upset about that. it could be that your boyfriend does not actually intend to go with a threesome but is basically trying to make you feel exactly how he has felt with you talking to him about how you want to experience a woman and how its not cheating if its a woman.

So either you are committed to your boyfriend and get the nonsense thinking out of your head about having sex with a woman, or you break up with him and do what you want - but you don't get to keep your boyfriend and do what you want.

Your boyfriend has confused bisexuality with cuckold fetish. Best way to end this is to let him know you have a fantasy about being gangbanged by a bunch of really muscled men I bet he will back off a bit when you keep pushing for that.