Wedding dress theory

I told my boyfriend I loved him after 5 months of being together. More like it slipped and he heard me say it. I'm 25 he is 28. He was really happy I told him and never said it back. I told him I understood if it scared him and didn't want to pressure him I'll wait for him.. He said it didn't scare him and loved knowing how I feel. It's 10 months now, I am struggling to wait. I don't understand how someone can talk about a future with me and not feel it.

I tried to explain that falling in love is like finding your wedding dress. You shop around or sometimes get lucky and find the right one the first time, then try it on and just looking at it you just know that is the one. After the experience of having it you never want to let it go. You will do what ever it takes to work hard, care for it and tell the world how wonderful it is because u knew from the start it was the one. And if he didn't know or still doesn't know that I am that hypothetical wedding dress than I am not the one. Am I wrong ?

I saw somewhere that, if they aren't saying ILY by 6-7 months, it's time to let them go (for many possible reasons: fear of commitment, lack of true interest, etc)

Well I like your wedding dress analogy and I think it has some merit. I always have "timelines" for how/when certain milestones I think should be made in a relationship, including the "I love you". I think 5-6 months is a fair amount of time for you to really start falling in love with someone. I think you should know by then if you are getting those deeply rooted feelings for them, and that you've spent enough time with them to know how they are at their highest and lowest points.

The fact of the matter here; it's been 10 months and it sounds like he's never given you a sincere "I love you" back. I think it's time to cut the cord with this guy. What's the point of a loveless relationship? He may be great; you may love him, he may be a great guy. But if he doesn't love you, there's no point in continuing this relationship. You should find someone who feels the same and as strongly about you. Talking about your "future" isn't cutting it. Live in the moment. Find someone else. There are other guys your age single out there (including me). Don't give in for someone who doesn't have true feelings for you. Also, don't be upset/disappointed if he doesn't love you. That doesn't mean you're not lovable or not a great person. Sometimes people just don't click.

I can't help but wonder if your BF has some hidden baggage holding him back. A friend of mine had a similar issue, the exact scenario you describe. She would regularly say I love you and he wouldn't say it back. Turns out he had been through a rough divorce and hadn't fully recovered, but he eventually healed and committed himself to her. Another friend lost his wife to cancer and had to take things really slowly. It took him a few years to really be ready for someone new, and he moved at the speed of molasses when he finally did start dating.

I think a 10 month wait is excessive, and no one would blame you for moving on. It could be as simple as him not being that into you, but he could also be the slow methodical type, taking his time falling in love because he doesn't want to fall out again. I think it's worth having a conversation about what's holding him back, and if it doesn't go well then at least you will be able to walk away knowing you did your part.

Love can be a very, very scary thing for some people -- especially if they've been hurt. If that amazing wedding dress that seemed like "the one" turns out to be a bear trap in disguise, it can be hard to learn to trust again. Even if his new partner is the real deal, it may still take time to repair the damage that was done.

It's very hard, and almost unfair in a weird way, to start thinking there is something wrong with your partner if they don't say I love you. What I mean is, it may not be about commitment issues. It may just be as simple as he does not feel it.

What I would personally find more confusing is him talking about a future with you. So .... Does that mean he is happy just to have a companion? Am I just Ms Right Now and not Ms Right?

Bottom line .... I think if he can't figure out of he loves you in the next couple of months (I.e. Within a year of dating), it's best for you to move on.

He dated a girl for 8 years and the last year they were engaged. He ended things because she didn't want to get a job, she wouldn't be home some night (jobless), racked them up on bills and more. Come to find out she did cheat, but be found out afterwards not during the relationship.

He is still paying his debt off because he took out loans to give her a wedding of her dreams. I did give him hell about how he should have use that money to finish college not pay for a wedding since his reason he didn't finish is because he didn't have money. I offered to help pay for pharmacy school and he decided to go back.

I just don't know what to do anymore. It's messed up my sex life. I use to have sex all the time before I said I love you. Now that I'm waiting to hear it back I don't want to have sex anymore. It's like I'm making love and it's just a screw.

I just don't understand how he could if that's what it is hold on to the bs she put him through when I dated someone for 5 years found out he cheated on me and his mom hated me because my parents didn't graduate from college. The other guy I was dating moved to Korea and was mad because I didn't want to take his money for him to pay my rent and I didn't want to move onto a military base across the world after 8 months of dating. I've been thru too. I don't let the past hold me down.

Why are you talking to him about wedding dresses at 10 mos. if he doesn't even love you? Try to have more meaningful concrete conversations about your relationship.

Trying to convince him to love you, trying to force him to think of you as 'the one' with wedding dress allegories is most likely pushing him away.

You seem in a tremendous hurry to get married, where he doesn't even love you. said it didn't scare him and loved knowing how I feel. It's 10 months now. I tried to explain that falling in love is like finding your wedding dress. I am that hypothetical wedding dress than I am not the one.Same guy?

No what I want to know is if he is wasting my time. I keep telling him if that he needs to let me go if he doesn't feel the same way or atleast truly tell me we are on the same path. I've wasted plenty of time already.

It's now pretty clear why he's cautious.

I think less heart to hearts, and dress stories would be in order.

You too have been through the wash, rinse and spin cycle.

Your experiences should be enough to tell your gut what to do.

No what I want to know is if he is wasting my time. I keep telling him if that he needs to let me go if he doesn't feel the same way or atleast truly tell me we are on the same path. I've wasted plenty of time already.

It wasn't a waste, and only by breaking up will you know the truth.

She's not talking to him about wanting a wedding dress, she's comparing mate finding to dress finding. "When you know, you know" kind of thing.

I think he's wasting your time.

Say "I love you" because that is how you feel, not with expectations to hear it back at any point. As far as other people go, look at what they do. Words are cheap, and he could throw out "I love you"s and it wouldn't necessarily mean what you think it means. What does it mean to you?

People are not at all like wedding dresses. Your analogy doesn't work for me. A wedding dress is for show and ceremony on one day and is all about you. A person to love is a real complex independent other being with thoughts, values, beliefs, history, habits, interests, goals, etc.

It sounds like there was not long between his break up and dating you. Did he have time to heal from the relationship, work through any issues, and learn from it what he needed?

I'm sorry, while your money values make sense, this sounds a bit parental (or even controlling):

He is still paying his debt off because he took out loans to give her a wedding of her dreams. I did give him hell about how he should have use that money to finish college not pay for a wedding since his reason he didn't finish is because he didn't have money. I offered to help pay for pharmacy school and he decided to go back.

That's your decision, not his. Refusing to say i love you is your cue to move out/break up. He doesn't have to keep telling you he can't say it does he? As long as you continue to play house, have sex..why wouldn't he just string you along?

Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" it may give you some tips on identifying when it's going nowhere.

I keep telling him if that he needs to let me go if he doesn't feel the same way or atleast truly tell me we are on the same path.

No what I want to know is if he is wasting my time. I keep telling him if that he needs to let me go if he doesn't feel the same way or atleast truly tell me we are on the same path. I've wasted plenty of time already.

I don't think it works to put it on another person "to let us go" if we are unhappy with them. It's our job to assess our feelings and take action accordingly. If you are unhappy, then you leave, not him.

Did you give him money for school then?

I agree with Journey that it's up to you to decide if this relationship is making you happy and if you want to continue with it. You can't make someone have feelings they don't have.

If you did give him money, that complicates the situation needlessly. Why the heck are you offering that up with someone you are dating?

I don't want to get married any time soon. Just trying to know if someone is on the same path as me. I have an order of how I want my life to be, that being said is with and without being married.

I am happy with him. Just unhappy because it's like we're not completely committed

Come to find out she did cheat, but be found out afterwards not during the relationship.

It can still hurt just as deeply to find out afterwards.

I don't let the past hold me down.

This is key, and it may not be something he understands. Sometimes the smallest thing can hold a person back for years, whereas other people are able to process the emotion and move on. He may not even be aware of his baggage.

You are resentful and he is either oblivious or broken. The situation cannot continue as it is. Either he's in or he's out. Your ability to not let the past hold you down will help you bounce back if you do decide to leave. I am sorry you are in this situation and hope it changes soon, one way or another. You deserve a love that's reciprocated with words and actions.

If he were you would know, you wouldn't have to try to pull it out of him, lecture him on 'the one' etc.

You said you lived together the entire 10 mos. you know each other...how could that be? Are you actually roommates? trying to know if someone is on the same path as me. I have an order of how I want my life to be, that being said is with and without being married

No what I want to know is if he is wasting my time. I keep telling him if that he needs to let me go if he doesn't feel the same way or atleast truly tell me we are on the same path. I've wasted plenty of time already.

"Wasting your time" implies that you expect marriage and forever. If that is the case, why don't you ask him?

If you don't expect marriage and/or forever, and recognize that relationships can end any time regardless of the reason, then it doesn't matter if he says I love you or not from that perspective.

Wiseman.. No we had a brief moment while we were in high school where we talked and kissed. Then we both agreed on how hard it was being in different schools and him working full time that right then wasn't the time. I started dating the guy I was with for 5 years and he dated the girl he was with for 8 years.

They broke up months and months prior and he of course has his flings with some girls. I didn't know he was broken up and I went into the store he was working at and he talked to me for a brief min asking how I was doing but I still assumed he was with her because I didn't keep up with fb or others relationships. Then he added me of course me not being a fb regular didn't see it. He ran into my mom at the store and they started talking and she called to tell me he is single. I didn't believe her looked on fb and he was adding me.

He messaged me and asked if I would like to go to a movie and dinner sometime and I agreed. I only agreed because I figured it would be good for me to get out and go on a date, I also regretted saying that time wasnt the right time for us , But I also thought since now he also grew into a very very attractive guy that maybe he would be a jerk and maybe he had other girls he was talking too so I could on a date get it out of the way and not wonder about that. Well long story short the date was fantastic and he agreed to be take it slow because I just got out of a relationship with a guy wanting me to move across the world and I needed time and not sex. We hung out for a while and he would stay over after a legit Netflix night or walking or biking around downtown. So no he isn't a roommate.

Darcy.. I won't date a guy if I can't see myself long term. That's why I've only dated a few. I also won't screw someone if i know they won't be around if they knocked me up.

So if this post is inaccurate how long have you actually lived together?

My boyfriend and I have been together going on 10 months. We have lived together the whole time.

So no he isn't a roommate.

Roommate to me is like he lives in another room and you assume they I'm crazy and sleep with the guy across the hall and assume it's more. He has stayed with me since day 1 of this current relationship. Day 1 he didn't bring his clothes with him. It was just staying the night because we Netflix for to long or we stayed up all night talking. He would bring his toothbrush and supplies and I decided to make things easier get him his own for my place.

Have you talked to him about saying I love you and what it means to you? I mean, direct conversation?

Seems like the simplest approach, and that's not the impression that your original post gives.

Also, some people just don't say it... or realize that it's important for other people to hear it. Does he show you he loves you?

I think a conversation should be had, before you go jumping to the conclusion that he just doesn't love you. You know what they say about assuming.

Very unclear. Are you living together or not? Is he just staying at your place with his own toothbrush?

What is his actual legal address, same as yours? Do you actually live together as a couple or he just sort of hangs out there a lot?

It seems you want to grossly exaggerate how far along things are in your mind. Like saying 'we live together 10 mos', indicating a level of serious that really isn't there/isn't true.

He has stayed with me since day 1 of this current relationship. He would bring his toothbrush and supplies and I decided to make things easier get him his own for my place.