How to fix the broken trust..?

I suppose this is the place for this post. I'm in a really bad place right now. I've been with my husband for 6.5 year but only married for 6 months. Usually, I'm doing everything I can to make this relationship work but this time I messed up and I'm not sure what to do to fix the situation. Leading up to my marriage I put a lot of money on my credit card for our wedding. At the time, my mother and I were making plans on how to help me pay the amount off. However, my father lost his Jo and became extremely ill so she's been bogged down paying off his medical bills. My husband is very financially savvy and has no debt. I knew if he found out how much was on my credit card he would flip out and be pissed. So, I did the wrong thing and I lied to him about it. Well the truth eventually came out and he's furious. He's double furious now because I lied to him. I don't want our relationship to be marked by this moment. I don't want him to start lying to me because he feels I do it to him. I don't want the trust to be gone in our relationship. I'm so so worried this will effect our relationship negatively and we won't be able to come back from it somehow. I've never really been in the wrong like this with him so I don't know what to do. I've told him I'm sorry over and over, I've told him I will never ever lie to him again, and I told him I will pay it all off as quick as I can, I haven't missed a payment yet and I'm paying more than the minimum. But, it seems none of this matters because I broke his trust. I'm just not sure how to make him see I still love him as much as ever and I'm very very sorry. Anyone have advice on how to fix the trust???? Thank you to any responses!

Well you can't turn the clock back. All you can do is make sure you tell the truth in future. What else is there?

I take it he's angry about the lying, not the actual finance? I hope so.

I think he's upset about both. Even if I had told him the truth from the get go, I know he would have been mad. He just doesn't like debt, and that's a good thing. So on top of that, me lying just made him upset. I know he will forgive me and we'll move on, but my fear it that it will be on the surface. And, deep down I'll never make it right. I've never lied to him before. I've never had anything to lie about! I'm just angry and disappointed in myself because my husband and my marriage mean so much to me. But, you're right. There is no turning back the clock.

You've apologized more than once, and really all you can do is make sure to never ever lie to him (or anyone else) again and perhaps show him your credit card statements so he can see you are paying down the balance. If possible, maybe you could cut up your card so you can't use it, and switch to a debit card permanently. He needs to see by your actions that you are serious about righting the wrong, as well as by what you say to him.

Thank you for the advice. I did cut the card up a few months ago. I just didn't come clean then when I should have...

If it was for your wedding how come he doesn't know about it? Did he ask you before and then again after marrying if you have debts? You apologized, explained your reasons for the lie and are paying it off. It's all out in the open. Now let it go and just pay it off.

I put a lot of money on my credit card for our wedding. I knew if he found out how much was on my credit card he would flip out and be pissed

My mother and I planned and paid for the wedding. My husband wasn't very involved in the planning. I have let it go. And I think he's getting over it. I just didn't want this to be something that cause issues for our relationship going forward. And, since we've never been through this, I was just looking for some advice to help mend the situation so it had to real negative impacts on our relationship as a whole.

Rosie

I'm just not sure how to make him see I still love him as much as ever and I'm very very sorry. Anyone have advice on how to fix the trust????

Welcome to humility. You are in good company--we all need to grovel in this place over something at some point. Here are some steps I'd try:

First, I'd pipe down and recognize that my discomfort is not a good incentive for husband to forgive me. I'd pull back and just live with the burn as I stop compounding the problem by apologizing while husband is still raw.

I'd let husband work through his wound without picking off the scab. I'd give him space. When our paths cross, I'd let him know that I'm not retreating to a standoff, I just understand he needs time from me right now, and I would like to speak about some changes I'm willing to make if he'll let me know when he's ready.

I'd recognize that in husband's mind, a willingness to forgive me quickly would be a signal that despite the impacts on him, he's letting me 'get away with this,' and so his reluctance is something I'll need to understand and accept.

When husband is willing to speak, I'd just listen. I'd hear him without defending against a single thing he says. I'd maintain silence and allow husband to empty out--even when it appears that he's working himself into a deeper rage.

After husband empties, I'd give some time to silence, and I'd ask him whether he'd like to talk some more or if he'd like me to respond. When he's ready, I'd tell him that I know I'll need to earn back his trust over time. (I'd pause.) I'd explain that I don't take this lightly, and I understand that there are deeper impacts of my actions on his trust in me. (I'd pause.) I'd offer that I'm willing to put in a sustained rather than temporary effort to make things right between us again.

I'd raise that rather than just offering empty promises to behave in ways that don't mean anything to him, I'd like for husband to think of some behaviors that he wants from me that will demonstrate to him that I take his wishes seriously.

This approach is effective in several ways. It moves husband out of an emotional blaming mode into a problem solving mode. It puts him in the driver's seat to come up with exactly what he wants from you going forward, and it puts you in an appropriate state of submission to walk the talk of, "I would do anything to make things better."

Head high.

You have to be patient with him as you broke his trust. He feels deeply hurt and you need to allow him to express this to you without defending your actions. To say you love him and you are very sorry is not enough for him at the moment. His feelings of hurt are real.

Show him you mean it, maybe sacrifice something of yours which is valuable to you, i.e selling something of yours, by doing this you also get the money to pay off what you owe.

This takes time and effort, but it is worth in the long run. If all fails, ask him how he is coping and how he sees the future with you, and if feels counselling is an option for him.

Tell him you understand his pain.

I wish you good luck and I hope you both find a way together moving on.