Do I break up with my partially disabled boyfriend?

You will all probably think I am the worlds worst person after hearing this story. I'm hoping after reading you have an open mind but if not that's your choice. So, to begin, I met a boy in 2014. He was lovely, funny and smart. I was 18 and wasn't looking for something serious but this boy changed my mind. We were open and honest about how we felt and fell in love very quickly. After about a year and a half of being together, he was in a terrible accident which involved him falling down some stairs and almost dying. The swelling in his brain was awful and he had spinal injuries. The doctors told me it was unlikely he would survive and if he did, he would have severe brain damage. Anyway, as time passed, he started to get better and better, to a point where he could walk and speak and think properly again. He was released from hospital four months after being admitted and I thought things would start to look up. However this was just the beginning of a long road of arguments and depression. I moved away for university a couple of hours away while he was still recovering and came home to visit every two weeks. We both felt lonely and jealous at times but when we reunited all went well and I was always faithful and loyal, as was he. We both supported each other and although it was hard, things were okay. Anyway, as things progressed, it came to light that he could not have children due to his spinal injuries. This was upsetting in itself, and then weeks later after receiving this news an argument ensued where he decided he didn't like my friends and did not like me going out and partying with them. I felt he was jealous and had anger issues, and it resulted in him breaking up with me. Now, he tells me he has made a mistake and has suicidal thoughts. He wants to get back together but all I can think about is being with other men and being single, but I still love him and want to be there for him. I suppose this story is about trying to find the right advice or even just a shoulder to cry on. Anyway, please don't hate me, I just wanted to tell my side. Thank you.

You clearly dont love him a great deal if you want to be with other men. What does producing sperm have to do with spinal injuries.. Curious why he cant have children.

Have you discussed with him that severe head injuries can cause anger issues ? Has he thought about therapy since he's had a severe brain injury. Severe brain injury cause a lot of issues.

At the same time I can understand him being jealous and upset about you dancing and partying . Not only can't he be with you but he can't do those things . His life is limited and that's another thing that will make him angry. Have you really given thought to how you would feel if you were him?

I think at this point you no longer love him in a romantic sense .

I think you said it all in the end. You keep thinking about being with other men. This says everything about what your next step should be. considering your current mindset, It doesnt matter whether he's receiving therapy for his anger issues or the condition he's in . I say you tell him how you really feel and break it down for him. Allow him some time to digest it. Sure, he'll be depressed for a while. We all are after a breakup. But he'll get over it. Better said now then later.

The fact that he tried to control you by forbidding you from going to parties with your friends tells me all I need to know. Do not get back together with him.

Unfortunately he is having considerable neurological issues from the traumatic brain injury. He needs to be alone for now to heal and stabilize and focus on his recovery. Not get into exhausting relationship arguments. He needs serious neurological, psychiatric, occupational and social therapy and support.

Sadly, your "being there" is only hindering his recovery with confusing arguments and break-ups. Leave him be so he can get the appropriate help he needs. Tell him you care and that he needs to focus on his recovery, not you.

Now, he tells me he has made a mistake and has suicidal thoughts. He wants to get back together

If this guy is the one and he can't have kids because of spinal injuries - there are other ways - if he is still producing sperm but can't ejaculate it - they can collect it, you could enlist a sperm donor, etc. Throwing out the kids thing is just a justification to break up and not the one you should be worried about. Tons of people get married, want kids and find they can't later. The anger could very well stem from the injury (not necessarily a permanent side effect, but life changing injuries can cause depression for awhile because the change is an adjustment and someday he may get past.)

I do think though that if your life is going in a different direction and was bound to even if he didn't have the accident (different pursuits, etc.) that you should not make the disability make you feel guilty about leaving him. If you were in your 30s, dated for years and approaching marriage, my advice would be different on "in sickness and in health" for sure.

I do think he needs counseling and also medical help right now and if that means that you break up - for reasons NOT of the disability but because of how he is treating you - then you need to go. If time passes, you finish your schooling and reconnect later - that's another matter.