Should I talk to my friend about my worries about our friendship or let it be?

Hello!

Thank you for reading my post

It's been a few weeks, maybe a few months, that I don't feel my best friend and I are as close anymore. We're both 26, both have jobs, both have boyfriends (she's moving in with him in a few weeks) and we've been friends since we were about 13.

Now the last few weeks/months I'm getting a vibe that I'm annoying her. Sometimes, when we're in our group of friends, she can respond quite irritated towards me and she doesn't seek contact with me as much as she used to. It's usually me who starts talking to her. When I'm alone with her everything is as it's always been: we talk, laugh, have fun, and I don't notice anything.

Now because that thought is in my head that I'm annoying her, I interpret some of her reactions in a wrong way. Example: she's moving in a few weeks and needs some help with that. She posted on facebook that she needs some people to help with her, I responded that I'm willing to help. She said that she actually needs strong men for that, but that I'm welcome anyway.

To me this reads as: "I don't need you but hey, if you really want to come, I guess...."

My question to you is: should I talk to her about this and how I feel? So I can get some closure and know for sure if I annoy her. Or should I let it be and get over it?

Yes because it was an open ended question to 'some people' not a direct request to you. Just back off a bit.

"I don't need you but hey, if you really want to come, I guess...."

Friends come and go. Remember this.

Your friend is CLEARLY showing you with ACTION that she is not interested into your friendship or cares much about you. Actually, I'm still a bit surprised you call this person "your friend".

NOTHING needs to be stated or talked about. Learn to accept and recognize things for what they are TODAY.

Even "best case scenario"

Disengage from this person, she is not your friend.

Sometimes you're expecting your friendship will be exactly the same for a lifetime, but I've learned over the years that change is inevitable. Sometimes people move away. One has children and the other doesn't and so it makes get togethers more difficult. Sometimes friends grow apart and each person moves on to others. Sometimes one's career and family life leave little time for friendships.

Let her make all of the initial efforts now. If she wants the friendship to fade away, you will see that. In case you have made her the center of your universe and don't have much of a life besides her, then it's smothering. I'm not saying this is the case because I don't know, but if it is, learn from it and make sure that doesn't happen in the future, whether it be with another friend or a significant other.

I had a close friendship in the past that ended, and it's something I still mourn to this day. Unfortunately life is painful sometimes and that's reality. Start new activities and meet new people. Your life should always be growing and evolving and that's a good thing. Take care.

Well said Andriana, VERY well said.

"The only thing constant in life is change. Learn to embrace it"

Don't take the moving thing personally. I've seen a lot of "too many cooks" situations when it comes to helping people move. Everyone wants to carry a box but don't nobody wanna carry a couch.

Helping in your "friends case" = slave/free labor

IMO, anyone that needs help shoudl feel obligated to pay you for your time and effort. ESPECIALLY a friend. Actually, should you hook up and pay your beloved friend "extra" than some minimum wage worker? They are worth more no?

And just wait till YOU have to move and "need help" hehe

I wouldn't give another thought to the moving thing. However, it does seem that she is a lot less invested than you in the friendship at this point. The fact is, once you become an adult, friendships change. Sometimes a lot. You care more about hanging on to this friendship, and she cares more about focusing on her boyfriend and living a more "adult" life, which sometimes means letting childhood friends fall by the wayside. You really can't change that. If I were you, I would just stop initiating contact with her and leave the ball in her court. If she doesn't care to try to put in any effort to maintain things after that, she's not your friend anymore anyway. In the meantime, focus more on your relationship, other friendships, career and hobbies. Life is too short to stay hung up over one person that doesn't care as much about you as you do about them.