Open Relationship?

I have a dilemma. I've been dating my amazing dorky boyfriend for about a year now, and I love him to pieces. He also has been open to trying new things, such as letting me buy a collar for him to use on me. Sounds great, right? Well, here's the problem: a few months before I started dating my boyfriend, I was getting over a breakup, and I did some things I'm not super proud of. I talked to a LOT of guys, and it didn't end well. My boyfriend knew this before we started dating, and he knows I was just being stupid.

One of the guys I talked to during that time I really started to like. We talked more and more, and he excited me. I called him Daddy, although in this case it's just a title and not DD/lg kind of Daddy. He was basically my Dom. I loved how he ordered me around and threatened to punish me when I was bad. Then one day, he told me that he got back together with his ex, and he disappeared. (He also moved across the country for the rest of the summer).

About a month into dating my current boyfriend, "Daddy" appears again and starts talking to me. I told him straight up that I had a boyfriend. We continued talking, though, continuing the D/s relationship. Since then, I've met up with him twice (I had never actually met him in person before), and lots of kinky stuff happened. I loved and still love it. I still talk to him.

Unfortunately, I never drew up the courage to tell any of this to my boyfriend. My relationship with "Daddy" is sexual, but in no way romantic, while my relationship with my boyfriend is both, and I love him with all my heart. He's been willing to try new things, but he can't give me the thrill I've become addicted to when I talk to and interact with "Daddy". Under no circumstances do I want to break up with my boyfriend.

What should I do?

Well i don't know what you and your boyfriend consider cheating, but this is kind of textbook to me. If you've talked about having an open relationship, fine. If you haven't but you are considering to mention it, i think it's a bit too late. You should've done that before you met up with Daddy. Still, ya never know. Thing is, if your boyfriend was open to new stuff, why didn't you tell him exactly what you wanted and instead go to the other man? He might have been able to thrill you equally. You may not want to break up with your boyfriend, but he might. Since this isn't a one time drunken mistake or anything,but i think you are planning to meet with him again, i think you have to tell your boyfriend and let him in to what is happening to his life, he has the right to know and decide if he wants to continue or not.

Well i don't know what you and your boyfriend consider cheating, but this is kind of textbook to me. If you've talked about having an open relationship, fine. If you haven't but you are considering to mention it, i think it's a bit too late. You should've done that before you met up with Daddy. Still, ya never know. Thing is, if your boyfriend was open to new stuff, why didn't you tell him exactly what you wanted and instead go to the other man? He might have been able to thrill you equally. You may not want to break up with your boyfriend, but he might. Since this isn't a one time drunken mistake or anything,but i think you are planning to meet with him again, i think you have to tell your boyfriend and let him in to what is happening to his life, he has the right to know and decide if he wants to continue or not.

Cope pretty much replied with what I wanted to say.

Remember that this other guy left you and disappeared. What's more important to you?

Sounds like it's too late to bring up doing an open relationship, because you've sort of already done it on your own without including your boyfriend on the decision. I think you really ought to talk to your boyfriend about what's gone down and what you want.

I agree with cope and gp11a. This sounds to me like you would like an open relationship with your boyfriend, as opposed to actually having one. You say he has been open to new things and by that, I am deducing by your thread, sexually speaking. However, open to trying new things with you personally, is not at all the same as being happy for you to sleep with other people and having an open relationship. I suspect this is the reason you haven't told him about Daddy, because deep down, you are not sure he would approve of it. Your dilemma is that you have already had relations with another man, so the damage has already been done and there is no going back, you also are still thrilled by it, that doesn't show remorse. You say you love your boyfriend, but love for me, is showing respect to your partner and Loyalty, neither I can see have been shown here, so you need to ask yourself this question. Do I really love my boyfriend? If the answer is yes. Next question. Is it enough? Think very carefully about those questions, because they will be vital, if you are to salvage your relationship with your boyfriend. Honesty is the best policy.

You cheated. It doesn't matter why, if you both had no arrangement to have an open relationship that is cheating.

You need to tell your boyfriend and its up to him how to proceed. If he is okay with it its one thing but by doing that behind his back and using the reasoning of it only being about sex, or him not sexually fulfilling you its just wrong and insensitive to his feelings. What it sounds like it boils down to is you aren't on the same page sexually. If he isn't fulfilling those sexual desires you crave then you should be with someone who does, but you also shouldn't hurt someone and go behind their back and cheat on them because of it when it wasn't something he agreed to.

Bottom line you need to tell him

If your boyfriend knows about it and is ok with it, it's an open relationship. But if you're keeping him in the dark, it's cheating.

By the way, it's called "cheating" because it's not fair to the other person.

Tell him about your sexuality and outside needs.

Yeah, so simply have sex with other people doesn't make the relationship "open." That would mean every act of infidelity is actually just an open relationship. What makes it open is actually being open about it.

Dump your BF and look for someone, this time letting them know from the start that you'd like something open.