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What's the best way to contact an ex gf after almost a year of nc?


Swagggyy

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We dated for a year and we loved each other very much. Different colleges and long distance set her apart. She broke up with me and it ended messy. I found out a month later she had a boyfriend, but I knew it was to make me jealous. She is the kind of girl that goes nuts if she get's hurt and she has a huge ego. It's been about 8 months without me contacting her. She added me on Instagram a couple months ago but I declined. I'm ready to contact her. But how should I do it. I don't need the 'move on' spiel...

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Are you implying you want to try and win her back? Do you just want to be friends with her? Guys normally don't contact ex-girlfriends unless there is an ulterior motive. i.e. they're lonely, they miss and want them back, etc.

 

You mentioned that she's "nuts", do you want to subject yourself to any type of associated behavior?

 

It sounds like your mind is made up. In that case, you can reach out to her and say "hey hope you're doing well." And leave it at that.

 

Good luck.

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Make small talk with her and invite her to grab a drink to catch up. Have in mind that you might get rejected. Don't address the past on the first date, keep it positive. If everything goes well ask her out for a second date. You both have to test the water.

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You don't have to worry about moving on...she has. Since it was a messy break up...she added you so you could see that she was happy now.

 

First of all if she couldn't "add me" she had to request to follow me.... Second of all it's easy to give advice when you do not know the girl lol.

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We dated for a year and we loved each other very much. Different colleges and long distance set her apart. She broke up with me and it ended messy. I found out a month later she had a boyfriend, but I knew it was to make me jealous. She is the kind of girl that goes nuts if she get's hurt and she has a huge ego. It's been about 8 months without me contacting her. She added me on Instagram a couple months ago but I declined. I'm ready to contact her. But how should I do it. I don't need the 'move on' spiel...

 

Text, all the way. It's fast, easy, and it should be very, very casual.

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STOP!!!! The one thing I have learned through my first major relationship is that at over one year dating when she pulled away from me, I should have never looked back. We want people in our lives that will be there through hard times, not turn away. 9 months after splitting up with no contact, I foolishly called on her birthday because I still loved her. She came over crying and wanted me back telling me she was sorry for everything and she loved and missed me (everything I had dreamed of happening). We dated for a little over 3 years more and got married. 3 years in to the marriage she decided that I was not what she wanted and we got divorced. It wasn't like we fought all the time, she just could not find someone that she felt was better then me at the time so in her mind, she thought she had settled. The point here is that often people walk away because they have doubts. If they can't find someone they like more then you, they might be back, but do you really want that? They will tell you they need time, or some other excuse, but truth of the matter is that they have doubts. When a person is right for you they won't risk losing you.

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STOP!!!! The one thing I have learned through my first major relationship is that at over one year dating when she pulled away from me, I should have never looked back. We want people in our lives that will be there through hard times, not turn away. 9 months after splitting up with no contact, I foolishly called on her birthday because I still loved her. She came over crying and wanted me back telling me she was sorry for everything and she loved and missed me (everything I had dreamed of happening). We dated for a little over 3 years more and got married. 3 years in to the marriage she decided that I was not what she wanted and we got divorced. It wasn't like we fought all the time, she just could not find someone that she felt was better then me at the time so in her mind, she thought she had settled. The point here is that often people walk away because they have doubts. If they can't find someone they like more then you, they might be back, but do you really want that? They will tell you they need time, or some other excuse, but truth of the matter is that they have doubts. When a person is right for you they won't risk losing you.

 

This is great example of how people fall back into relationships.

For different reasons, a dating slump, to right a wrong, rewrite history or to make the bad feelings go away.

 

It's often not a good enough reason to reconcile when it's the first round that counts the most.

Do you work through it and fight for it and walk away only to want it back months later?

 

Not impossible but not a great foundation or motivation for a solid, secure relationship.

 

"When a person is right for you they won't risk losing you"

I went through this earlier this year. I was tempted but what stopped me in my tracks is that he risked losing me by waiting almost a year to contact me. Couldn't have possibly meant that much to him. Pass!

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It was the best thing that ever happened to me! She really treated me poorly on the way out even though I remained good to her. She found another guy older and not as good looking (other peoples words not mine) and thought she was trading up. Then for a while she would call me and complain about him to me (pretty sick in my book looking back). Finally she chose to cut all contact since we had no kids together. Fast forward 20 years and she tried to friend me on Facebook just a couple months ago. I have been blessed to still look pretty much the same (not my words, her sisters) while she is not longer the young slender pretty girl she was that made me put up with a lot I really should not have. I am fairly successful and have a pretty wife and 2 very handsome boys. I declined her friend request telling her I did not see any point in being friends now. I told her if she had anything she wanted to say, she could email me (just in case she wanted to tell me something important or say sorry about how bad she treated me). I said I hope she and her family are all doing well. She read it then immediately blocked me. I knew it was not over. She put up a picture of her and the guy she left me for at their wedding then unblocked me so I could see it. Knowing how materialistic she has always been, I changed a picture to public I had posted 2 weeks prior that the BMW dealer had taken of my wife, myself and one of my sons with a new car I had just bought her (ironic that it has just happened). I know that sounds shallow, but my ex was always a brand snob talking about getting a BMW a lot when we were first married so much so that I had given her a BMW steering wheel as a gag joke for one of her birthdays (no way we could afford one back then). So needless to say, she saw the picture, got angry and blocked me again. She then ranted about how material things are not important on a blog she has on FB. Even 20 years later, still so predictable! Glad she forced me to dodge that bullet! The long list of karma she has had connected to me after leaving is absolutely crazy. I have always come out on top of each bad situation (there have been several random) and I have no idea why. I know this is off topic, but too often people get the shaft and never get to see things full circle and know that the other person that hurt them actually did them a favor!

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That is for sure. I used to think God was not answering my prayers back then because I wanted it to work out so bad. It was only later in life that I realized he was answering my prayers and being away from the relationship made me realize how bad it really was for me.

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