Is this right?

Ok, I love my wife. She is a stay at home mom with our 7 year old while I work 2 jobs and support them financially very well. I come home everyday and dedicate all my free time to them (as men should). There is not a single moment that I don't go somewhere with them. I love our more "traditional" style of family. My job is to support and protect them and I feel like I do a damn good job. I am by no means perfect... I get frustrated sometimes, stressed out about finances sometimes, overwhelmed etc... My wife can't drive due to personal issues so for 10 years I have driven to every appointment, errand etc... I would say that is frustrating sometimes when I come home and I need to work and I can't because of errands, grocery shopping or even just picking up some milk! I am sort of ranting I think now.. I love my wife but it's not easy, marriage isn't easy. I guess that is why divorce rates are so high.

That being said... I have some concerns about my wife controlling me. Here are a few examples...

1. Not allowed to drink more than 1 drink a week and it has to be wine. I have never had a drinking problem. Never been an alcoholic. It's not that I want to drink myself away everyday but if during the week when I am at home if I want to grab a beer I am not allowed to. Only on the weekends and only half a glass a wine is allowed.

2. I am not allowed to go out with anyone really. Not saying this is an issue. But I am in the military and sometimes they all go out for command functions. I am not allowed to attend.

3. I am not allowed to lose weight. I am 6 foot 6 275 pounds and at a 40 inch waist and for over 6 years I have been this way. I want to lose some weight and reduce my waist size but I am not allowed. I try to ask my wife if I could and she loses it. My wife is very tiny, 90 pounds and is beautiful. She is very comfortable in her own skin. I just want to feel the same way. I feel very heavy. Even though I go to the gym and workout I just feel heavy and out of shape. I would feel more comfortable at a 38 inch waist and about 250 pounds.

4. My wife homeschools our child but hasn't really started homeschooling her yet. Most of her days are spent watching netflix and picking up the house and cooking. I am concerned that my daighter is 8 and she can't read, write spell etc... I try to bring this up and my wife just gets mad.

The biggest problem with our relationship I think is that it's hard to talk to her. When I do bring things up she loses it, does most of the talking and interrupts me when I try to speak. After a few times trying to talk I usually shut down listen to her go on for about an hour stay quiet, apologize over and over and then it finally stops. I don't want to get a divorce but she is starting to talk about it more. Like I said I am not perfect and there are areas where I can definetly improve on. In our entire 10 years of being together my wife has never admitted she has been wrong about something.. I am not kidding... Every problem is because of me and I am always to blame. Most our arguments come from my simply bringing something up and then she just loses it and I am left apologizing over 100 times and listening to her go on and on about it. I am just lost and don't know what to do.

It worries me than a member of our military is being controlled by a 90lb woman with an attitude.

And it should worry you that child services could remove your child for her lack of education.

Wish you'd realized all this sooner before you'd be sure to owe a big chunk in alimony upon divorce.

Honestly, these aren't attributes that just change. Normally I'd say counseling... well, I'll still suggest it. I'm just 99.999% certain it won't do a lick of good.

If she's not willing to talk about it or see a marriage counselor, you don't really have much choice. Get in touch with a divorce attorney and get a no BS assessment of possible scenarios. If not for your sake, then the sake of your kid. This is a very crucial point in her educational development. If it's true that she just watches Netflix, that infuriates me. If the state determines there's been educational neglect, it can come back on both of you, not just your wife.

It amazes me how you talk about not being "allowed" to do things. How have you lived for so long being controlled?

Something needs to change here, and it needs to happen very fast. Your Daughter needs an education. My Grandson is 6, he can read, write, do maths, solve problems.....sounds like your Daughter is very far behind him. She needs to catch up to children her age or she is not going to have a hope of having a career.

You need to man up, get away from your wife & be a good Father to your Daughter.

It amazes me how you talk about not being "allowed" to do things. How have you lived for so long being controlled?

 

Something needs to change here, and it needs to happen very fast. Your Daughter needs an education. My Grandson is 6, he can read, write, do maths, solve problems.....sounds like your Daughter is very far behind him. She needs to catch up to children her age or she is not going to have a hope of having a career.

 

You need to man up, get away from your wife & be a good Father to your Daughter.

About her education, she follows Waldorf Home Schooling and they hold the children behind till 8 and that is when the real education begins. My daughter is amazing child. When around others she is always getting remarks of how well behaved and nice she is. That being said I am concerned a little but when I speak to parents who do Waldorf as well it's normal for children her age to be a little behind. We are part of a homeschooling network where lot of my child's peers are the same way and then when I meet children older than her in Waldorf they are excelling. My biggest problem is when I do try to question it I am blasted and then a fight starts and our child sees that.

Here is the thing. I don't want to lose them. I have been with her for 10 years and family is the most important thing in my life. I have been to counseling but I feel like my wife just blames me and then of coarse the counselor then blames me... I get angry sometimes, I am not the most attentive at times but I really try to be there for them. If counseling won't work maybe talking to another counselor by myself would work? I been blamed for 10 years for all of our problems and I think eventually it gets in your head that your the reason everything is wrong.

My nephew attended Waldorf and they do not hold them back until age 8. Your wife is lying. My nephew was an avid reader and is now attending a public highschool and getting straight A s.

Why on earth do you allow her to control you?

Because the moment I begin to question or argue with her she threatens to leave... So I then retract and apologize in this viscous cycle of not losing the one I truly love the most (my daughter). I don't know why I came here... I know what I need to do. I am just scared that my actions will lead to the end of the marriage and a family left broken.

I didn't mean that they held her till she was eight but the preschool and kindergarden age doesn't have literacy on the curriculum but rather free flowing natural learning occurs. Now that my daughter is starting 1st grade she is supposed to learn how to read and write. She just hasnt started this year for one reason or another... She told me she wants to start in about a week but it's so nerve racking that she just doesnt start now.

Then tell her that's fine, leave, but I will be custody of my daughter as well.

You are being abused my friend.

She is endangering your career by not allowing you to exercise ??? Waaa ??! My husband is military and he exercises six days a week. Exercise is part of the deal with a military career. She wants to keep you out of shape so you never find another person?

Tell her to hit the skids.

I wasn't expecting these kind of responses... She let's me workout but I cant lose my waist of 40 inches even though I want to. So your saying get back in control, do what I need to do and if she wants to leave let her?

Are you a troll? I mean, c'mon, this can't be real.

You bet! You are enabling her to be a control freak.

It's so funny. For 10 years I been told that I am the problem. For 10 years I been blasted for not being good enough. For 10 years I have been afraid of her that she will leave me. I am a good dude, I run my own Web Development business along with being active duty Navy and having a successful career. I am a couple classes away from getting my BS in Computer Sci.. I volunteer time at my church, I am loved by so many yet everyday I feel like I am simply not good enough for my wife. I make over 100k a year and work so hard to support a wife that feels like I am complete garbage... I am literally scared to allow her to walk away... Why? I feel like if I get a divorce I will never recover and I will never be happy with anyone ever again. But.. I am not happy now so what is the difference? haha...

Call her bluff, see if she really will leave when she threatens to. If she can't or won't drive, how will she get anywhere? You are indeed being abused and she doesnt sound like an attentive mother to your child. Watching Netflix all day is just plain wrong. She is a control freak, telling you what you can and cannot do. Why do you let her away with this?

You say you didn't expect such responses here, please tell me what you were hoping for. I think all of the responses are right on and I hope you listen to what's being said.

I want to thank this forum... I think I may have felt my balls drop just slightly... I am sorry for the image... But You all are right. I need to step up, get my life back in control and hopefully she will see that and begin to respect me, if not, oh well... Going back to that unhappiness will be just as miserable as going through a divorce!

Call her bluff, see if she really will leave when she threatens to. If she can't or won't drive, how will she get anywhere? You are indeed being abused and she doesnt sound like an attentive mother to your child. Watching Netflix all day is just plain wrong. She is a control freak, telling you what you can and cannot do. Why do you let her away with this?

 

You say you didn't expect such responses here, please tell me what you were hoping for. I think all of the responses are right on and I hope you listen to what's being said.

Maybe I was trying to confirm what she has been telling me all these years that I am not good enough.. But you know she is wrong.. I am damn good husband, supporter, father. She is the problem, not me.

Thread closed.