So confused

Hello all,

So recently my GF of about 4 years left me for another guy. She cheated during the relationship but I took her back feeling like I drove her away to begin with. I could have been more emotionally available also but that isn't the point right now. I have been trying NC for about 2.5 months, and it has seemed to be helping me. However, she wants to be friends and frequently asks me to help her with her course work (she is at University) and I feel bad not wanting to help her but at the same time I feel like since she is the one who left she should deal with her own problems. I still somewhat care for her so this is very hard. Any advice would be appreciated thanks

If you're helping her with coursework etc, that's not NC. Completely block her and start healing. She's using you by telling you she wants to be friends, thereby keeping you in her life so she can use you at her convenience.

You deserve better.

If you're helping her with coursework etc, that's not NC. Completely block her and start healing. She's using you by telling you she wants to be friends, thereby keeping you in her life so she can use you at her convenience.

 

You deserve better.

This. People who do this are placing their wants over your needs. You need the separation to get over it. She wants your help and the benefits of your attention and affection without having to return anything. She'll use you up until you snap and then heap it on you that you're being a jerk for snapping. There's no love in that.

I agree with withlove, you deserve better. This would be more difficult to answer if she hadn't left you for another man but that is not the case so the answer is easy. I would tell her that you can't be friends. Simple. It is pretty arrogant of her to expect and/or hope that you can be friends at this point. Well, a friend that helps her, what do you get out of it?

It more depends on you. Do you think she wants you back or she is being selfish?

It more depends on you. Do you think she wants you back or she is being selfish?

I honestly don't know. She is seems to be happy with her new guy so I doubt she wants me back. Part of me agrees with everyone here in that I shouldn't be in contact, part of me just felt really bad about straight up ignoring her if she really does need my help. But I think I need to be strong and put my foot down. Is this situation common in instances where someone their sig. other for another?

She can ask her new boyfriend for help.

I think it is all your choice. Attempt at reconciliation not a choice chosen by most. What do you feel in your heart? What are you willing to do and not do?

By all means don't feel bad for not wanting to help her. You have to think about yourself too. You have to heal and move on. If you can't do this with her coursework around, you have to go 100% No Contact. Meaning don't help her. That is not "your job" anymore. It's her new guys job now.

You are TRYING to heal. You can NOT be her fallback guy!

Don't let her use you...

She messed up by cheating, etc. It's done now.

I suggest you remove her from your life, totally. No 'friends'.. nothing.

You can't be friends anyways... until those 'feelings' are totally gone. (often by then you don't care anymore, anyways).

So... say no and work on YOU. Don't let her to keep draggin you on. She is being selfish.

So she cheated and now wants you to help her? What a selfish cow!!

No way Jose!!!

She had no respect for you when she did that & you owe her nothing.

Don't feel bad. You need to heal so you can find someone awesome!

Block her & move on!

She's just using you. She dumped you, you don't owe her anything .By staying friends with you, it makes the blow of the breakup easier on her. Don't make it easier on her! Cut her off now. She cheated on you for crying out loud! You must demand respect for yourself and when you see people taking advantage of you then you either nip it in the bud or you cut them off.

I feel like since she is the one who left she should deal with her own problems.

This would be correct.

Head high.