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Thread: My girlfriend left me because I am an alcoholic that can get out of control

  1. #1
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    My girlfriend left me because I am an alcoholic that can get out of control

    Hi everyone. I am looking for advice on what I should because I lost the love of my life due to alcohol. She didn't like that I was drinking and left me before for it but gave me other chances. I always made excuses to drink, a little here a little there, but then it all would just come back as habit. The most recent time I back angry and grabbed her arm. I was blacked out and don't even remember. She is deeply hurt by it as she should be. I tried to explain to her it is the alcohol and this time I am quitting for good but she doesn't believe me. I am now going to AA and actually speaking. Before I just listened and blew it off. I am taking action now because her leaving me in such a way breaks my heart. She is the love of my life and I blew it for not getting help sooner. I have been sober 4 days and its a small amount of time but have gone to 3 AA meeting already. I am determined to quit now for good. I am ashamed of how I acted when a drunk. I am sad I didn't get help sooner. She is the love of my life, I love her with all my heart.I panicked and sent many flowers, wrote letters etc. But the only way I think she will come back is time and seeing me healthy and sober and remember and want to be with that man she fell in love with before. Is there hope? Thank you

  2. #2
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    Where there is life there is hope, but there is no telling if she will come back to you. I am sure that many have advised her to let you go for good. I had a boyfriend that was an alcoholic and I gave him many chances to stop drinking, but he did not. At some point, I finally gave up hope that he would ever stop. Now he is dead, and it was due to drinking alcohol. You have been sober for a few days. Congratulations! You need to continue on your path to sobriety, but you need to do this for yourself. Only time will tell if she will give you yet another chance. You cannot hope for it or base your sobriety upon the hope that she will take you back. The easy part is to get sober. Now you need to stay sober. Good luck to you. chi

  3. #3
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    Thank you so much for your response. I know I have to do this for myself before ever having her back again. Its just so devastating to me that she left. I know the only way she will ever come back is if she sees me making real progress in my sobriety. I have gone through the phase of sending flowers and endless emails and texts and that won't help. I need to give her time and space. I am sorry to hear about the boyfriend who died. I am determined in myself I will stay sober this time. I can only hope she doesn't really move on and she sees the change in me over time and comes back into my arms.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Live-N-Learn's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear you are suffering. Unfortunately there are no guarantees in life. There are consequences for every choice we make in life good and bad. I suggest you get a sponsor and start building men friendships to help you on your journey. Staying sober is not easy. Once the reality sets in she is gone, it is going to be even harder. You need to live out the serenity prayer my friend. Best of luck.

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  6. #5
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    I can only pray that I will work on myself and she will see it and come back to me. But the pain now is unbearable.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member TattyK's Avatar
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    I am sorry this is happening to you.
    You are doing the right thing, seeking some help and going to meetings. Meetings help a lot of people get through that difficult period of initial sobriety. I congratulate you on getting as far as you have with quitting, however you must recognize that this is going to take some time. Habits and addictions do not end in 4 days, 4 weeks, 4 months, sometimes even 4 years for some people. You may not of meant to do what you did when you were drunk, and I am sure she recognizes that you didn't mean to do this, however you still have to take responsibility for your actions and those actions resulted in her leaving. You are quitting for 'her' but you need to be quitting for YOU.
    When people hit rock bottom, it is usually because the people they are about in their lives have had enough, and have left. This triggers the addict to want to change, to try and get some of those things back that they wanted. This is good, because it gets the addict to the point of wanting to quit. After a period of time of being sober though, the addict realizes that there are issues that need to be dealt with, and quitting becomes more about them and less about those people they were quitting for. This is healthy, and necessary for you to be able to quit long-term. Quitting for good is you're only chance of getting healthy relationships back, and getting your life back.

    Work the program, be open to help, and see if you can find a sponsor at one of those meetings. If you have family that are willing to support you, icing on the cake. One day at a time, eventually things will start coming back and falling back into place.

  8. #7
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    It's good that you've become aware of your problem. Alcoholism goes deep, so keep going to AA and maybe pick up a counseling session, where you could talk to a specialist about your situation. Stay strong.

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    If you do this for her and not you, it won't work.

    Do this for your future and life!!!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    If I were her, I would break up with you and stay away from you for at least one year. If you have been sober for a year, for YOURSELF, and I still had feelings, I might consider a reconciliation.

    No matter what, you need to stay sober for at least a year without her to get your life together. That is what AA recommends - a year of sobriety without romantic relationships.

  11. #10
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    A year is a long time. After a few months she should see I am serious about my sobriety, even after one month. Its something I have never done.

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