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Thread: He Cheated But Won't Let Go

  1. #1
    Whybother?
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    He Cheated But Won't Let Go

    I don't get it.

    My ex and I broke up because he is currently seeking greener pastures with another woman he met while we were dating. This was six weeks ago. I let him have it and figured I'd not hear from him for at least a few months. He contacted me two weeks after that. I was elated and spoke to him and then went off on him again, I guess I wasn't healed. I felt like he was trying to force me to accept his apology and forget what had happened so we could be friendly again. Nope.

    Two weeks later, he contacted me again. He pursued me for about a week until I finally answered him. The conversation was light and somewhat pleasant but I know he's still seeing that other woman and I asked him what did he want. He missed me, etc. the whole nine yards and then I took it a step further - because honestly I just wanted answers to all the questions I had involving how this mess all started and why he lied to me throughout the whole thing rather than reveal.

    Surprisingly he opened up and answered my questions BUT says that this woman who he just met online was just a friend who turned into something more?!! the moment he and I broke up. I told him that he had been building a emotional bond with her ie a emotional affair since he met her. He claims that it was not his intention and to this day does not seem to get or understand even though I've told him how I felt about it all that it was a EA.

    Whatever. My trust was broken and if it quacks like a duck it's probably a duck so he can continue with her. What I don't get is WHY has he come back three times since our official break up trying to be friends or have what he says "peace' between us? Is it guilt? Am I his backup plan? Is it just plain old stupidity?

    And seriously everytime we've spoken, I usually end up delivering out some anger. Seems to be building up each contact. I don't hate him... I just really really really don't like him. We had a good friendship - maybe not the best relationship if he's with another woman, but we generally liked each other a lot. I guess maybe he thought he'd be able to keep the connection. Nope.

    So finally I told him that that would be our last conversation, I did not want to know him any longer and besides I needed to purge him from my life so that I could start moving forward and finding someone I want to be with. I always told him I am not usually friends with my exes, mainly out of respect for the new partner but in this case - out of respect for myself. He cheated! His just a friend who he had no intention other than friendship turned into a relationship. We will never be friends. He messed that possibility up.

    Here's the last thing. He seems to be having a horrible depressing time dealing with all of this - but I think well you made your bed you have to lie in it. He chose her. So why is he still trying to bother me?

  2. #2
    savignon
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    I vote for a combination of guilty and stupid. . He might be regretting his decision...I wouldn't have the stomach to even talk to him so I admire you a bit and am also glad you have the self respect to set up some boundaries and let him lie in the bed he made.

  3. #3
    waveseer
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    Either he feels very guilty and/or he wants his cake and eat it too.

  4. #4
    anu1560
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    His loss, your gain. You gained freedom from a guy who didn't deserve you. NC is best way out here. He sure messed it all up.

  5. #5
    Whybother?
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    I gotta tell you guys I WAS giddy to hear from him. I've kept strict NC on my end, but he kept breaking it. We used to talk everyday (through all sorts of mediums if we were not together). That's how I knew something was up because the communication lapsed. He got distance.

    I don't have a problem continuing NC, but this time I am hoping that after I pulled the hailstorm he'll at least leave me alone for a few months. I am on the border of blocking him but I think this time around I can not respond to him if he contacts me again.

    Yeah it's hard not to hate this one. I do love him. But I love myself more. That's my mantra and I'm sticking to it.

  6. #6
    HeartGoesOn
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Since he made the choice to cheat on you, why give him the honor of responding to his nonsense? It doesn't matter why he's contacting you, all that matters is that you need to make the choice not to respond.

  7. #7
    Whybother?
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    I meant that this time around I wouldn't have any problems not responding to him if he contacts me this time around!

    Isn't it strange you guys to be with someone in some form physically or electronically every day for x amount of time (in our case 3 years) and just bam! That's it?

  8. #8
    BellaDonna
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    Isn't it strange you guys to be with someone in some form physically or electronically every day for x amount of time (in our case 3 years) and just bam! That's it?
    It's unfortunate that he chose to throw it all away by cheating.

    So finally I told him that that would be our last conversation, I did not want to know him any longer and besides I needed to purge him from my life so that I could start moving forward and finding someone I want to be with. I always told him I am not usually friends with my exes, mainly out of respect for the new partner but in this case - out of respect for myself. He cheated! His just a friend who he had no intention other than friendship turned into a relationship. We will never be friends. He messed that possibility up.
    Good for you. I am glad that you are respecting yourself and not letting him have any more control over your happiness. You deserve better.

  9. #9
    Whybother?
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    Yeah... I was coping okay but today... man I'm feeling kind of down. I opted to stay in all day and just wallow in it. Well, lay on the couch under the covers and watch tv. My roommate's gone for the week and I guess it didn't hit me until I was left alone. Plus I got to say everything I needed to say to him...

    You know something, I even feel a little bad. NOT MUCH. Just a little. I did care for him and I don't think he's a bad guy, not making excuses, just think he made a choice. I feel bad because I know that he'll regret it. It'll take a bit of time but he will look back on this and reflect. I say so because in his past there have been people who've touched his life in some way or another and something went wrong, years later he still thought about those people and tried to keep in touch but they never responded. He lost them. Like he lost me.

    I really hope this gal is worth it for him. I hope it was worth messing our friendship/relationship up.

    I still don't get why he felt that it would be ok to just jump back into my life, why he didn't think I'd not be a little (lot) upset with him given the last couple of times we spoke. It all started nice and then BAM! I started to think about things and still wanted answers.

  10. #10
    arcadefire
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    Sigh, all those cheaters who come crawling back have the same bull to repeat to you. I've been in your shoes before (still do but to a lesser extent). My cheating ex has tried to get me back after I found out about his infidelities, and I just wish he can go away. I'm currently in a relationship with all I can ask for. My ex is just a nuisance now. I hope you can find the strength to just ignore him, because the more you do, the faster you can move on.

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