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I don't get it.

 

My ex and I broke up because he is currently seeking greener pastures with another woman he met while we were dating. This was six weeks ago. I let him have it and figured I'd not hear from him for at least a few months. He contacted me two weeks after that. I was elated and spoke to him and then went off on him again, I guess I wasn't healed. I felt like he was trying to force me to accept his apology and forget what had happened so we could be friendly again. Nope.

 

Two weeks later, he contacted me again. He pursued me for about a week until I finally answered him. The conversation was light and somewhat pleasant but I know he's still seeing that other woman and I asked him what did he want. He missed me, etc. the whole nine yards and then I took it a step further - because honestly I just wanted answers to all the questions I had involving how this mess all started and why he lied to me throughout the whole thing rather than reveal.

 

Surprisingly he opened up and answered my questions BUT says that this woman who he just met online was just a friend who turned into something more?!! the moment he and I broke up. I told him that he had been building a emotional bond with her ie a emotional affair since he met her. He claims that it was not his intention and to this day does not seem to get or understand even though I've told him how I felt about it all that it was a EA.

 

Whatever. My trust was broken and if it quacks like a duck it's probably a duck so he can continue with her. What I don't get is WHY has he come back three times since our official break up trying to be friends or have what he says "peace' between us? Is it guilt? Am I his backup plan? Is it just plain old stupidity?

 

And seriously everytime we've spoken, I usually end up delivering out some anger. Seems to be building up each contact. I don't hate him... I just really really really don't like him. We had a good friendship - maybe not the best relationship if he's with another woman, but we generally liked each other a lot. I guess maybe he thought he'd be able to keep the connection. Nope.

 

So finally I told him that that would be our last conversation, I did not want to know him any longer and besides I needed to purge him from my life so that I could start moving forward and finding someone I want to be with. I always told him I am not usually friends with my exes, mainly out of respect for the new partner but in this case - out of respect for myself. He cheated! His just a friend who he had no intention other than friendship turned into a relationship. We will never be friends. He messed that possibility up.

 

Here's the last thing. He seems to be having a horrible depressing time dealing with all of this - but I think well you made your bed you have to lie in it. He chose her. So why is he still trying to bother me?

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I vote for a combination of guilty and stupid. He might be regretting his decision...I wouldn't have the stomach to even talk to him so I admire you a bit and am also glad you have the self respect to set up some boundaries and let him lie in the bed he made.

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I gotta tell you guys I WAS giddy to hear from him. I've kept strict NC on my end, but he kept breaking it. We used to talk everyday (through all sorts of mediums if we were not together). That's how I knew something was up because the communication lapsed. He got distance.

 

I don't have a problem continuing NC, but this time I am hoping that after I pulled the hailstorm he'll at least leave me alone for a few months. I am on the border of blocking him but I think this time around I can not respond to him if he contacts me again.

 

Yeah it's hard not to hate this one. I do love him. But I love myself more. That's my mantra and I'm sticking to it.

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Isn't it strange you guys to be with someone in some form physically or electronically every day for x amount of time (in our case 3 years) and just bam! That's it?

 

It's unfortunate that he chose to throw it all away by cheating.

 

So finally I told him that that would be our last conversation, I did not want to know him any longer and besides I needed to purge him from my life so that I could start moving forward and finding someone I want to be with. I always told him I am not usually friends with my exes, mainly out of respect for the new partner but in this case - out of respect for myself. He cheated! His just a friend who he had no intention other than friendship turned into a relationship. We will never be friends. He messed that possibility up.

 

Good for you. I am glad that you are respecting yourself and not letting him have any more control over your happiness. You deserve better.

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Yeah... I was coping okay but today... man I'm feeling kind of down. I opted to stay in all day and just wallow in it. Well, lay on the couch under the covers and watch tv. My roommate's gone for the week and I guess it didn't hit me until I was left alone. Plus I got to say everything I needed to say to him...

 

You know something, I even feel a little bad. NOT MUCH. Just a little. I did care for him and I don't think he's a bad guy, not making excuses, just think he made a choice. I feel bad because I know that he'll regret it. It'll take a bit of time but he will look back on this and reflect. I say so because in his past there have been people who've touched his life in some way or another and something went wrong, years later he still thought about those people and tried to keep in touch but they never responded. He lost them. Like he lost me.

 

I really hope this gal is worth it for him. I hope it was worth messing our friendship/relationship up.

 

I still don't get why he felt that it would be ok to just jump back into my life, why he didn't think I'd not be a little (lot) upset with him given the last couple of times we spoke. It all started nice and then BAM! I started to think about things and still wanted answers.

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Sigh, all those cheaters who come crawling back have the same bull to repeat to you. I've been in your shoes before (still do but to a lesser extent). My cheating ex has tried to get me back after I found out about his infidelities, and I just wish he can go away. I'm currently in a relationship with all I can ask for. My ex is just a nuisance now. I hope you can find the strength to just ignore him, because the more you do, the faster you can move on.

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You know at one point in time he asked if we could talk on Skype for a moment so I said yes, but didn't allow him to see me just hear my voice. And as I was looking at him I asked him what was different about him. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I realize now that I don't think I'm attracted to him any longer. Funny how that happens.

 

I am looking forward to the day I find my next fella and start that chapter of my life. But I'm a smart girl... not going to jump into anything q uickly taking my time, I dont want to rebound.

 

Thanks for all the support people. Tonight it was needed and appreciated

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When it comes to people without honour, they don't factor it into the equation.

 

That is my take anyways. The MO of someone with no honour is they will drop like a dirty hat anyone or anything that isn't giving them what they want at the moment. They'll do side deals and keep important information away from you if they think it'll give them the edge.

 

So...they always come back. Just sniffing around to see what they can get away with.

 

It's totally up to you where you want it to go. You know now he has no boundaries, no honour.

 

In a way, I totally understand how it's unnerving and a bit of a piss how they do that. I mean, to people who have a sense of honour and/or loyalty, it just seems like stupidity.

 

Then you look around and realize, hey, there are as many people out there who would take him up on his offer as not, and who wouldn't have a problem with it or wouldn't have the spine to stick up for themselves.

 

All that matters at this point is how you are doing. That's my 2 bits anyways. You owe him nothing now. Loyalty would be misplaced at this point.

 

Good for you and hope you feel better soon.

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So why is he still trying to bother me?

 

Mine did exactly the same things as yours---right down to the EA-blindness---everything was the same. After 3 months of that nonsense, he wanted me back. We reconciled for 6 months and it seemed to be going great, until he dumped me again. No rebound that I know of this time, but the relentless "let's be friends" contact has resumed . . .

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