"Friend" (If we can call him that) Relapsed and called begging me to go sit with him for 4 hours....

I guess this is more of a vent than anything as he called me back before I started typing. And I just told him no, I can't do it, that he should call his sponsor or make it back to the facility he used to live at.

For those of you that have dealt with recovering / relapsed addicts, I'd love to know how you'd deal with this.

He really wanted me to take the day off work. To come sit with him. He got in a fight with his parents last night over pills. They had him arrested. He was in a facility - assisted living for months. And apparently isn't anymore. Was dating some girl. She ended things. Now this.

And to top it all off, I only dated him briefly! I'm not even a close friend. Yet he claims over phone I am the only one he has to call. He has nobody else. Yada yada yada.... I don't mean to seem insensitive really, I don't. But he's so disillusioned... and was even when he was sober.

I feel sorry for him but I don't have the time, energy, or desire to help him. I feel terrible because I'm the girl who once upon a time used to run to help when called by anyone. Not to mention that just the thought of him makes me feel ill and creeped out.... not to be rude but - I feel a very significant negative energy surrounds him. (Never felt this way about anyone before.) And that even talking to him is some kind of personal risk.

You are handling this the right way.

You have my support!!

^^ Thank you Mutley!

That's exactly what I needed!!

Support...!

You know.... thinking more about it. My brother is an alcoholic. He and I aren't very close. Thinking of some of the things he's done.... I wouldn't go to where he was either if it were him calling.

Ah - Either I'm insensitive, callous, or maybe just maybe..... I value myself enough to know that nothing good would come out of "trying" to help.

It's a sad world in a way.....

You're welcome.

There are MANY addicts/alcholics out there....but I better be careful because I've been yelled at for being judgemental on here before.

It's a must to keep your distance from them....so keep up the good work!!

Well I thank you Mutley~~~~

I don't mean this thread to be judgemental in any way.

It's just entirely frustrating... To be called upon by a friend - a guy that I got to know for a few weeks and stopped talking to.... in his time of need like this. It's sad yes. I wish I could help. I can't. I did say a prayer for him though...

I know exactly how you feel. My old best friend was addicted to heroin and cocaine. He told me he changed a million times, but he keeps on going back. I used to help him out all the time, but i feel now that i need to stop saving him and he needs to change and he can only change himself and get better. I saw him at a restaurant and he told me he has been drug free for awhile. But through a source, a solid source, I know he recently just bought cocaine of this kid about a week ago. So i know what your dealing with....just have to pray for them and hope they realize it isnt the way and they need help.

Well I thank you Mutley~~~~

 

I don't mean this thread to be judgemental in any way.

 

It's just entirely frustrating... To be called upon by a friend - a guy that I got to know for a few weeks and stopped talking to.... in his time of need like this. It's sad yes. I wish I could help. I can't. I did say a prayer for him though...

No you are not being judgemental....just practical and realistic.

We all want to help...but 98.5% of the time it's futile.

eeesh - you're a single mom of 2 kids. you can't just take off of work so you can go sit with some guy you hardly know who is on drugs. i agree - tell him to call his sponsor and that be the end of it.

i am glad this guy is your ex!

JC - Sorry to hear of your friend. Thank you for sharing with me.... It's hard because we always want to believe.... and why do they even claim to be clean? Ah!

Annie - Do we have to call him my ex? I dated him for like 3 weeks?! lol This experience makes me want to never date a stranger again. (Stick to dating people that someone like a friend or family member knows)

Mutley thank you so much again!

It may be his time of need, or it may be that he is looking for someone else to manipulate since those close to him refuse to allow him to do that anymore.

He may try to touch you for money, or sympathy or... ??? But the point is if he is using drugs and his parents caught him at it and turned him in, then he needs to be accountable to his behavior.

And if he really wants to solve his problem and stop being an addict, then he should be doing exactly what you advised him to do, which is call his sponsor or the facility. They are the ones who can provide the help he needs, not anyone else.

Hardened addicts who don't want to call their sponsors are usually calling other people to get sympathy or money for drugs. So you are doing the exactly correct thing by referring him to appropriate help. And you did a very good job of not being a sucker, since many addicts are merciless in preying on other people's sympathy to get drugs or a place to stay so they can continue using drugs.

You did exactly what he needed you to do for him (not what he wanted). You refused to enable him and you redirected him to the sources for assistance. You just did what is called:

Carrying the message and not the addict/alcoholic.

Girl,

I grew up with alcoholic parents. You absolutely have no responsability to this guy. I recommend you block his number. You did the right thing. As for your brother. Be open if he chooses to try and turn his life around. My father dried out 3 times and always tried very hard to fight the desease. He died the fourth time as his body fought back. My mother never admitted she was an alcoholic and died alone.

You should protect yourself and your kids above all else and that is what you are doing. I commend you for the hard choices you have made.

lost

Next time don't pick up the phone when he calls.

Next time don't pick up the phone when he calls.

Good point Siriana and usually I don't.....

BeStrong / Ready - - > He was in that facility when I knew him (communicated with him.) I hope he does go back there!

I can't imagine one bit throwing life away like that!

Lost - I'm terribly sorry to hear about your parents! Must have been very painful (and still painful for you.) Thank you for sharing. As far as my brother goes, if he decides to clean up is one story. Many people may have no clue by meeting him what he is like. But... he's dangerous. Wreckless. Sadly with him, I've realized that we can't change others. They have to want to change.

Everyone - thank you much for your encouraging words and support! I do hope he is okay - he's gotta learn to function on his own. Has to!

I think you made the right decision, end of the day we all have to be responsible for our actions. Dont feel guilty about it , its not like you were putting drugs down his throat . If he was man enough to take them, he should be man enough to deal with it.

^^Thanks ShyGuy!