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Thread: married man attracted to married woman

  1. #21
    Member flipper0616's Avatar
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    I'm having a hard time avoiding her or stopping to talk to her.
    I know that's the only way out of this but like someone said...it's like
    an addiction and the more time I spend with her the more time I want.
    Like today, we planned on going for our daily talk after all the days work
    and ended up having a late lunch. I now find out she's having some
    trouble at home with the hubby so this may put me in deeper trouble as
    I fall into this hole even more....How do I check into rehab?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member CallingAllAngels's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by flipper0616
    I'm having a hard time avoiding her or stopping to talk to her.
    I know that's the only way out of this but like someone said...it's like
    an addiction and the more time I spend with her the more time I want.
    Like today, we planned on going for our daily talk after all the days work
    and ended up having a late lunch. I now find out she's having some
    trouble at home with the hubby so this may put me in deeper trouble as
    I fall into this hole even more....How do I check into rehab?
    Flipper...

    She has OTHER people she can talk to.

    She's having "problems with the hubby"??? IT'S STARTING...THAT'S WHAT THE OTHER WOMAN TOLD MY HUSBAND BEFORE THEIR AFFAIR STARTED.

    I GIVE YOU ABOUT ANOTHER MONTH...and then you'll be fully involved.

    I don't care if it's like "an addiction"....sorry if I sound angry, but someone who sits on "the other side" of this, the SELFISHNESS of all this is outrageous.

    I have copied and pasted a pervious post I wrote to you..please re-read it and THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAVE SAID.

    You are headed for no place good...none.

    Can't say people didn't warn you.

    Here is my previous post to you:

    Are you comfortable telling your WIFE that your are talking about peronnal things to each other? How do you think she would feel if you sat down and told her that? How do you think your WIFE would feel if she knew you were "sneaking around at work"? Woud you feel comfortable telling your WIFE that?

    Think about it please. And think if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you like it if you wife was sneaking around with a man she worked with? How would you feel if she told you she was talking about your personnal like with another man, making eye contract with him, and emailing him?

    Do your wife a favor that I WISH my husband had done for me. TELL HER you no longer want to be married to her. Because IF you did, you would not engaging in this type of behavior. I have been where she is GOING to be, and believe me...it is not pretty. His affair stared EXACTLY the same way as your "friendship" with this woman you work with. I promise you...if you do NOT stop this behavior and end this friendship, it will go further. Will you be able to look at your wife afterwards?

    Maybe you can answer a question for me that my husband cannot. He says he loves me. You say you love your wife.

    My question is: IF you love your wife, then why are you engaging in this type of behavior? IF my husband loves(ed) me, then why did he have an affair?

  3. #23
    Member dada's Avatar
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    After reading all the advice that has been given, and you are still offering excuses as to why you can't or don't want to avoid this woman, go ahead and screw her. After the deed, post another thread asking how to save your marriage after you wife finds out, or after her husband kick's your * * *.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member CallingAllAngels's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dada
    After reading all the advice that has been given, and you are still offering excuses as to why you can't or don't want to avoid this woman, go ahead and screw her. After the deed, post another thread asking how to save your marriage after you wife finds out, or after her husband kick's your * * *.
    Dada...

    Amen...that pretty much says it all!!!

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  6. #25
    Member moonbeam111's Avatar
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    Flipper, you need help. It is an addiction and you right about it. You can't do it alone. Confess to your wife, seek marriage counseling, talk to married friends, and stop talking to the other man's wife. Quit your job because if there is contact, it's like getting high on drug every time you see her. The other man's wife needs to focus on her marriage.

    Affairs end. Infatuation with the other man's wife will end. And yes, you do need a rehab because you are vulnerable and open to having an affair. Find ways to make your marriage better - this is the only one "affair-proof" way.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member BeStrongBeHappy's Avatar
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    this is like any other addiction... you need to stop cold turkey, just refuse to talk to her or see her for anything personal, and *stop* the 'meaningful' glances.

    this is like watching a train wreck about to happen. you are so busy stimulating yourself with these thoughts that you are not thinking about all the consequences that most likely will be inevitable. divorce, fighting, unhappy kids, no money, and most likely, you will NOT end up in an enduring relationship with this woman because 99% of affairs endly badly after a few years.

    but if the real issue is you don't WANT to control yourself, then go ahead, but recognize that it is like having an affair with heroin... a big rush at first, then it takes over your life and clouds your judgment, then you end up strung out, sick, with your life ruined. that's the way affairs usually go, and you need ot think about that seriously rather than scratching an itch with this woman.

  8. #27
    Member flipper0616's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the posts...It really helps even sometimes I sound like I don't want to stop. Please keep posting...I read alot of other posts from the past of people in my situation and it also helps. I especially find helpful the posts coming from the spouses who end up getting hurt. This is tough and one of the biggest challenges I've faced yet....

  9. #28
    Platinum Member CallingAllAngels's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by flipper0616
    Thanks for all the posts...It really helps even sometimes I sound like I don't want to stop. Please keep posting...I read alot of other posts from the past of people in my situation and it also helps. I especially find helpful the posts coming from the spouses who end up getting hurt. This is tough and one of the biggest challenges I've faced yet....
    Flipper...

    I'm going to be very DIRECT, as my husband cheated on me with a woman he worked with, who he just "LOVED THE ATTENTION FROM". Sounds EXACTLY like your situation. You remind me very much of him.

    WHY do you find this "such a challenge?" I find your behavior very selfish, and saying "you can't control it" is BS. Just like my husband.

    My husband and I are not together anymore. He is not with that "woman who he loved the attention" from either. He is living alone...regretting his decision.

    Do you ever think about your wife while you are flirting with this woman? How do you go home at night and lay down next to your wife? Maybe you can answer that for me, because, my husband can't. I never understood how he could come home after being with her, and lie down next to me in bed and act like everything was wonderful. Everything we had was a lie.

    Do you remember your wedding day? What was your VOW to your wife? "For better or worse, till death do us part" or, was it "for better or worse, until I find someone who I am 'addicted' to?"

    You know what I think? I think you are looking for someone to say "Hey...it's okay...we understand...go ahead and cheat on your wife! She'll get over it!"

    I'll tell you something....she will NEVER get over it. The hurt, the betrayal...the fall out is SOOOOOOOOO far reaching. And this "other woman's huband"...how is HE gonna feel?

    Are there kids involved? How are they gonna feel about their daddy after they find out he hurt their mommy?

    I hope you won't miss your kids too much on the days you don't have them...the mornings you wake up and they are not there because you and your wife have divorced, and you have to "split" holidays with the kids. I hope you won't mind those Christmas morining when you wake up and your kids are not with you because you and your wife have to "split" holidays. I hope your KIDS don't mind too much...it's tough coming from a broken home.

    Hey Flipper...when they get older, I'm sure you can sit them down and explain to them how you just could not get OVER this "addiction" to the "other woman"...surely they will "understand" that "this rush" you are getting now was WORTH all the years you won't be there everyday as their father...as they grow up...play sports...go to the prom, graduate highschool. I'm sure they will UNDERSTAND why they had to listen to their mom cry herself to sleep. And I'm absolutely CERTAIN that it will bring a clear understanding as to why they had to grow up in 2 homes. Hey...it's all about "that rush".

    So...why don't you print out and save these posts. And when your wife asks you "why" you can show her!!! And when your kids are old enough to understand, you can show them too. And you can explain it all away.

    The only difference between me and your wife is I FOUND OUT my husband cheated. So, in a sense, I am "your wife". Here's my bet...my bet is you DO have an AFFAIR, you DO REGRET it, and, believe me, your wife WILL find out.

    She might not find out this year...or next year...or even the year after. But...I GUARANTEE you, she PROBABLY already has an "inkling"...a "gut feeling" that "something" is up. Woman really DO have that "6th sense"

    Know how long it took me to find out about my husband's affair? 8 years. YUP... EIGHT YEARS.

    I think, the DECEIPTION of KEEPING THE LIES from me was actually worse than the actual sexual deception. It was living a lie for 8 years. His affair ENDED 8 years ago. I found out in December. I left in January. This was our first Easter apart. Very tough day. Probably why my post is so heated.

    So...not only did he CHEAT, but he ROBBED me of EIGHT YEARS...those years were not real. We bought a house...we tried to have CHILDREN...I went for all kinds of fertitlity tests...and all this time...he knew...he knew he cheated...for 3 years he cheated...

    After you have your affair with this woman (which, by the way, I am precedicting that you ABSOLUTELY do), at LEAST do the decent thing and TELL your wife IMMEDIATELY. MAYBE she can forgive you, IF you are really sorry.

    But don't keep it from her...she will find out. The longer you keep it from her, the worse it makes it for you.

    Oh The Tangeled Web We Weave When We Practice To Deceive....

    I bet you are sitting right next to your wife right now, and, at the same time, looking FORWARD to going to work tomorrow...NOT to work, but to see your lover...am I right???

    Doesn't the guilt every "get to ya"? See....I guess I'm just a different kind of breed...I would just tell my husband I didn't want to be with him before I cheated. I couldn't live with the guilt. What's the trick to that? How do you live with the guilt? I asked my husband over and over...he has no answer. Maybe you can tell me?

    I really hope you do the right thing and walk away from this woman. You say you want to hear from the spouses who have been hurt. Well, my husband hurt me so much...I can tell you, I will probably never trust another man again. I am hurt, beyond any hurt. My whole life was ripped out from underneath me. I cry everyday. I ask myself "why was I not good enough"? everyday. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I have lost 20 pounds that I don't have to spare to lose. People tell me I look terrible. I have a hard time working, and even caring for myself.

    You have children. Don't do this. STOP. BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

    I'm sure this came accross angry. Because I am angry. And hurt. And your wife will be too. I KNOW what she will go through. YOU DON'T.

    I think I have gone on and on and on enough....if you don't get my point by now, then you never will.

    Look at your wife....look at yours kids...look at what you have. And think about it being gone...all gone...no house...no yard...no parties...no family.

    THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN.

  10. #29
    Member flipper0616's Avatar
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    Alllie, thanks....You have every right to be angry...Just to be clear, I don't a physical relationship with this other woman. Nor do I know if she even feels the same way...but we are emotionally bonding...

    thanks for the post....I needed that.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by flipper0616
    I'm having a hard time avoiding her or stopping to talk to her.
    I know that's the only way out of this but like someone said...it's like
    an addiction and the more time I spend with her the more time I want.
    Like today, we planned on going for our daily talk after all the days work
    and ended up having a late lunch. I now find out she's having some
    trouble at home with the hubby so this may put me in deeper trouble as
    I fall into this hole even more....How do I check into rehab?
    Listen, if she is having trouble with her husband it is even more reason to keep away from her.

    If you continue this, this is the way it will most likely go for you.... You will be the one she turns to for emotional support, the person she relies on, maybe even falls in love with, who she might leave her husband, ends her marriage for, but the reality is that you will end up not with a fun, sexy, single lady who you spend time with, but an emotional messed up wreck who cries on your shoulder, falls apart, becomes needy and calls you at home, causing problems between you and your wife and she could possibly somewhere down the line expect you to leave your wife and if you don't things could turn nasty or bitter.

    If you want to be with her, and her with you, the right and proper course of action for both of you to avoid the above from happening is that you BOTH need stop avoiding the truth and pretending that it isn't happening because it is and stop this now and work on your own marriages separately with no emotional support between you. If things don't work out in our mariages at least you give it your best shot, and then and only then do you consider leaving your wife and getting together with this woman.

    Only weak scumbags take advantage of emotionally messed up women, break marriages and have affairs...Forget it and live to regret it.

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