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Thread: Antidepressants and Cheating/Lying

  1. #1
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    Antidepressants and Cheating/Lying

    I wanted to ask if any of you out there had any personal experiences with antidepressants (either yourself or others) and how it affected your sexuality or behavior related to fidelity, cheating, lying, obsessive behavior and all that.

    I have been in a long term realtionship which ended recently in a very sad and tragic way (for me).

    My ex went on antidepressants almost ten years ago (started on Zoloft) due to a number of very serious problems related to depression and my loss of a job, her father's dying of cancer, her brother's suicide, and childhood sexual abuse (her brother's suicide was precipitated, I believe, by the fact that both he and her were sexually abused from infancy for almost 7-8 years by an uncle who was never prosecuted - the parents did virtually nothing except keep ythem away from the uncle - her brother died at 21).

    The impact of the antidepressants on our sex life was immediate and serious. She withdrew from the world, dropped out of college (with huge student loans, didn't even finish her last sememster after borrowing many thousands for it)stayed in bed most of the time and did not even really attend to the kids who were little. After awhile when I would approach her at all for romance it was either total rejection or hostility (not something that had happened before. We would try to fool around whenever we had a chance, though due to her abuse history she had some issues with intimacy).

    At one point she kind of snapped and was horrible to me. Blaming me for everything. She changed her meds ultimately to prozac but before that she cheated on me once (after almost twelve years together, and was romantically obsessional about a celebrity, writing him endless letters in a kind of erotomania (which obsession had existed to a less serious degree prior to the medication, but became more obsessive after the meds).

    There is a LOT of information online from reliable sources about Prozac and other SSRI's causing mania and obsessions or making them worse, contributing to behavior which damages relationships and caring about family and loved ones, sexual acting out, loss of inhibitions, etc.

    There is also a lot online about these drugs causing total loss of libido, inability to orgasm, -- which is what most people are familiar with.

    My question for folks is have you or a loved one had depression, begun antidepressants and had them either totally screww up your relationship, your sex life, or in fact made you or your SO (or friend) engage in risky sexual behaviour, obsessional behavior, indiscriminate sex and promiscuity.

    About two years ago she began obsessing about a celebrity whom we met and she flipped for - and she began writing him erotic letters and explicit things indicating that she felt they were meant to be together and "he was the one". This went on for over a year before I figured out what was happening shortly after she indicated she wanted to leave me as she was "in love" with this man and wanted to be free to try and be with him (even though he had barely even responded to her except politely - she believed - or wanted to believe - he was sending her signals)

    I recently discovered that the women I love (or loved), the mother of our two beautiful children, when this celebrity guy didn't pan out or didn't respond, put on her myspace that she is a "swinger", bicurious, she blocked from her myspace (she had previously had it that she was "in a realtionship" and ended up hooking up with a creep from an adult swap site who had been arrested for surreptitiously videotaping a woman he was having "relations" with and putting it on the internet (behind his wife's back and that of another girlfriend who he'd also videotaped secretly doing it with him). She moved out shortly after hooking up with this creep and beginning a sexual relationship with him. I think he conned her by pretending to be a "couple" witha bicurous girlfriend and , from the emails she left on our computer when she left, it appears she never showed up when they hooked up.

    Neddles to say I have been devastated by this. I worry for my kids and for her.

    I believe that the Prozac has seriously changed her and damaged her and made her engage in really risky behavior that is totally out of character for her.

    There is plenty of good research online by reputable authorities that antidepressants cause manias and obsessions and that the loss of sexual inhibitions as well as the loss of romantic and realisitc feelings for your loved ones can harm families and relationships.

    But the media and pharmaceutical industry seems to be hiding the truth about these very common and serious and sometimes even deadly side-effects,

    So I wondered if any of you had experiences that might help me understand. It seems that while the antidperessants helped her briefly to get through a serious time when she needed them, but the side effects seem to have made her much much worse. She is addicted to them (gets seriously ill and sucidal without them) but she believes she needs them. They "help her" get over her shyness and inhibitions now.

    PLEASE comment if you have any experiences or know of any. This is such a serious issue today with so many on drugs like this, and the possibility that they are contributing to the destruction of families and relationships and lives is too important to deny or ignore.

    PLEASE comment - we all have stories.

    Thanx. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Silver Member †NeverMore's Avatar
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    I am so sorry ot hear you are going, and went through all of this.

    I too have heard the horror stories about antidepressants. I have never been on them, but I have friends who take them and have had worse symptoms and mental problems on the drugs then off.

    And it sounds like this guy will only cause her more mental problems.

    I hope things get better for you. You sound like a nice guy.

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    Thanks Faeries -

    Tell me some of the horror stories you've heard.

    I am trying to collect what I can so I can write about my experiences (I am a writer too), but mostly I feel people need to hear about these horror stories so they can be informed.

    The thing is I AM a nice guy. I have my flaws. I was never abusive to her and, aside from having problems making a decent enough living for the both of us, I always did my best to love her and the kids and to achieve goals to get ahead. I built her a home I designed myself with a friend so she would have the security she craved but we had to live in difficult circumstances while that was happening.

    I feel like I was too nice and too trusting. She only recently disclosed her affair (a one time thing) from abput 7-8 years ago, basically justifying her need to fool around saying it had been a long time coming. She denied that it was after she had started on the antidepressants, but then I showed her that it was afterwards, after she had started them and almost completely stopped being responsive to me. But in recent years we had had some wonderful moments where she indicated we would be together for the rest of our lives.

    I really appreciate your kind words, Faerie, but - really, if you or anyone can tell me about the actual experiences people you know had that would really help. I have been thinking about putting together an article about this problem --- but also I think it might make sense or fit with some of the experiences of others on this site.

    People on antidepressants seem to often cheat or act out in ways that seriously hurt their lovers, spouses, or families...

  4. #4
    Silver Member †NeverMore's Avatar
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    Seventh,
    MY horror stories are long and complicated, and unfortunately I am getting ready to leave. But I can PM you tomorrow when I have more time to go into it. Ok?

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    Thanks - please do.

    But you could post them on this thread if they are not too personal or something.That way others who have had similar experiences might post.

    PM would be cool too.

    Thank you so much.

  7. 12-09-2006, 10:04 PM

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    what were you taking and what kind of things did you do ?were any of these things of a sexual nature (if you don't mind saying)?

    also what were you taking it for?

    and how do you feel now? Did it make you "better" and were there side effects afterwards or other side effects during the time you took it?

    Thank you for answering. This sounds consistent with what I have researched online.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member BeStrongBeHappy's Avatar
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    you did not say how old she is... it could be the antidepressants causing her behavior, but it could also be complicated by hormonal changes in menopause if these problems started in her 40s... or she could be an undiagnosed bi-polar which can get worse with age or with certain drugs...

    i understand your desire to ask for people's opinions and stories about this, but i suggest that she REALLY seems to need to see a psychiatrist if you really want to help her... not just a family doctor who prescribes antidepressants, but a psychiatrist who can do a full evaluation and determine the root of her problem. they use very different medication to treat bi-polar disorder, so she really needs to get help before she does something that damages herself permanently through her unwise choices.

    Prozac and SSRIs are well known to inhibit sexual desire, so a rampaging desire to cheat and obsess really sounds more like undiagnosed bi-polar problems... the medication may be helping this or making it worse, but she needs a personal evaluation by a psychiatrist, who are all trained on all types of medication and its affect on mental problems... (a psychologist won't do, because they are not medical doctors, and a family practice doctor is not an expert on psychological/drug interaction issues).

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    Bronze Member Reluctant Rebuilder's Avatar
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    Seventh

    I don't have any stories, but I really appreciate this thread. This week, my doctor prescribed me Effexor, and I haven't had the courage to take them yet. It's not so much the stigma around the meds, it's that I'm not convinced that they are for me. When he gave me his diagnosis, he showed me a poster with 9 questions, all vague queries about how you feel, does anyone in your family have depression, etc. And if you answer yes to five of the questions, then you apparently are depressed. I noticed the Effexor logo on the poster, which made me feel distrustful. I wish there was a better way of diagnosing depression than asking some simple vague questions.

    Anyway, I hope things work out for you. It's obvious that you really love her and don't want to see her hurting.

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    Thanks. I agree, but she has no interest in changing anything.

    I have quite a bit of experience with bipolar disorder and agree that things seem like that may be the case, but she does not manifest the mood swings so much as a constant need for, right now, sexual stimulation through this and possibly other no obligation realtionships.

    She just turned forty and has had lots of hormonal difficulties in the past --- but the approach of her 40th birthday really seemed to trigger her anxiety and stress to take off into this abyss. She HAD said she wants to be oin love and told me today that she still thinks she has a chance with this celebrity. That is a form of erotomania.

    The thing is that risky and irrational behavior, and mania, is right out of the medical (PDR, for example) literature on prozac and other ssri's.

    Also, although the lack of desire is most often reported, the sexual mania is something that is, according to medical reports, also a side effect in some cases.

    There is a Harvard psychiatrist who writes about these irrational and dangerous obsessions (like the columbine shooters and other kids and others involved in incidents of severe acting out and violence or suicide who were on ssri's).

    Thanks for the advice, but she has no insurance (nor do I) and her nurse practitioner just keeps doling the prozac out to her every month and recommends increasing doses when she is feeling worse.

    I was hoping by posting here that I might find out if there were others who got dumped (or dumped people) by those on prozac or similar drugs who went in pursuit of fleeting gratification or obsessions.

    The fact is that her abuse plays a huge role in this as she was abused for 8 years severely in a sexual manner and when she reported (told a friend) at age nine she was accused of "acting provocative and causing it).

    I feel so sad for her and lost...

    My son, whose twelve and very angry with her for leaving, cried the other night saying "I've lost my mom". And both he and my daughter noticed that when she reduced her dose or took another medication to help her other than antidepressants she seemed closer to normal - warm, loving and caring. On the prozac she has been withdrawn, uncaring and sometimes mean to the kids.

    But she will not see a psychiatrist b for this because she does not see it as a problem. She would probably not disclose anything embarrassing (like hooking up with strangers) which is also characteristic of a prozac-fueled mania and risky conduct and most doctors do not either believe or want to believe that Prozac or other ssri's are causing her to do this.

    BTW, the guy who she got involved with told her it was bs (or that it is not even him, she didn't seem sure which excuse he used or both)- but I have read the newspaper reports of his arrest and know it is him because of his work and military status and age and his m.o. (internet swaprooms).

    I could use a little help...

    It all makes me so sad and depressed...

    She used to be such a beautiful and caring mother and lover.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
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    I took Prozac for almost ten years.

    No dramatic stories, and mania was the furthest from my feelings while in that cocoon of blandness. Getting off it was stimulating to some degree.
    At one time Prozac was damned by observations that people on it were more likely to be suicidal. Well, since it is often prescribed for suicidals, you'd think it makes sense, but that doesn't sell on the 6 o'clock news.
    It seems she has a bundle of problems, and the meds are just one facet.
    That's just my opinion.

    I really hope you can cope with this. It's clearly a challenge.
    Last edited by Dako; 12-09-2006 at 11:35 PM.

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