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Thread: Is my ex playing mind games with me or does he want me back?

  1. #1
    lilred
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    Is my ex playing mind games with me or does he want me back?

    Here's the situation: I have been hoping to get my ex back over 1 year, but since then he has moved on and is dating a new girl for at least 1 year. He calls me a few times a week, sending me mixed signals like being very flirty and coming on to me. I couldn't take the "ambiguity" anymore, so a few months ago, i asked him point blank if he wanted to get back together, he said "no, i'm in a serious relationship right now". This broke my heart, but it was a much needed reality slap in the face.

    Fast forward 6 months, he calls me even more frequently (but he is still w/ his gf--however, i don't know how serious their relationship is since it is long distance), and now he starts to say stuff like "we should get married" "we should by a home together" "if we pool our money together, we should be able to afford this house". Is he just playing w/ my mind? or is he hinting that he wants to get back together but he doesn't have the balls to do so? So far, i am playing it cool, so when he says those comments, i shrug it off. Should i have that talk w/ him again (e.g. where do i stand talk?) I'm so confused.

  2. #2
    Heretic
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    He's stringing you along plain and simple.

    The fact is he still likes you. He might even like you more then his current gf. Honestly though if he hasn't got the balls to come out and say it do you think he's the right guy?

    Seriously he sounds not commital. He sounds like he's using you as a safety net for when his current gf breaks up with him.

    Don't let him lead you on, even if you really like this guy. If you keep taking this he'll never really respect you... and lack of respect leads to cheating, which you really don't want. Trust me.

    I hope this helps.

  3. #3
    lelou
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    Heretic is right. He should not be saying stuff like that if he is with someone, and you shouldn't be listening. I am talking to my ex now, BUT only after he quit talking to the girl he was with after our break.

    It does sound like he likes you, but you need to go into no contact with him. If he like you enough, he'll miss you terribly and finally have to make a decision to either stay with this other person or get back with you.

    Otherwise, you might be heading for a world of hurt.

  4. #4
    annie24
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    Yup, Heretic is so right on about everything. I'd honestly just back away from him - he's playing head games. If he brings up marriage or buying a house together, I'd just say, "you know... I don't want to talk about these things with man who's in a relationship with another woman. I don't think its appropriate." Start dating a new man. Forget this old one. Good luck!

  5. #5
    lilred
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    Thanks for the advice, it's tough to do since when he says those things to me it's like giving me hope (although false). My next question is, should i confront him on this, by asking him things like "why are you saying this?" or just start the NC? My heart really wants to know where he stands, but on the other hand, i don't want to make myself vulnerable again, by letting him know how much his comments affect me.

  6. #6
    RayKay
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    I think you should not even bother confronting him. Your actions speak louder than words...and all the words in the world don't make an impact unless the actions follow.

    As other posters have said, he enjoys having you wanting him and effectively waiting for him. Sure maybe he does like you, but clearly not enough of he would be trying to be with you. When someone wants us back, they do not have other girlfriends....that's a big indication there! He's being immature and selfish - he wants everything but is not ready to give up anything to get it.

    He has given you lots of words, but then no action. The words thereforeeee mean nothing...well you are smarter than that, so show with action. Move on. You don't have to go complete NC if you don't want to, but just don't take his calls, if he starts talking about getting married to you act as you don't care, change the topic, or laugh at him (lol).

  7. #7
    lilred
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    Raykay, you're right. I think my ex wants to have his cake and eat it too. But from a male perpective why would he even bring this up? Are guys really that cruel? He knows that we were talking about marriage (when we were together), and that subject is serious (right?) Okay sorry for sounding too analytical.

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    RayKay
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilred
    Raykay, you're right. I think my ex wants to have his cake and eat it too. But from a male perpective why would he even bring this up? Are guys really that cruel? He knows that we were talking about marriage (when we were together), and that subject is serious (right?) Okay sorry for sounding too analytical.
    No, not all guys are that cruel...and I doubt your ex is doing it to be cruel to you on purpose to be honest. Sometimes we as people don't realize what an impact our words can have on others, or how another may interpret what we say. Maybe he uses it in his own way to "hold onto you" out of fear, or insecurity.

    I think he knows the idea of marriage is serious, but perhaps its just a comfort thing with you, a way of hoping you will stay around in case he magically does want you again, or finds nothing else.

    It does not really matter though right? You are going to move on! I know its hard, but just trust in yourself and that people DO go through this and move on. What awaits you in the future is something much better, I promise One day you will look back on this and realize why you are not with him anymore, and why you are glad you let go....really!

  9. #9
    heartbroken23
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    Hi, I am kinda goin through what you are goin through. My exgf started creeping back into my life recently. (I love her and always will, we were together 5 years). I thought she had broken up with her new BF by her actions. I really thought she was single. She told my friend she didnt know if her relationship would work out, she missed me, she said it was sad we were not together, she thinks about me every day, and not over me.....well you know how I and you would interpret all that. Well, come to find out that she is in fact still dating him for past 5 months. She said she doesnt love him and is not over me and misses me, yet she is still with him. Very confusing to me....but I can't be a security blanket. I told her I needed my space and that it hurts to be just a friend with someone I conssidered a soulmate. She cried alot, so we'll see what happens....

  10. #10
    lady00
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    I think is is really inconsiderate for him to be making those comments to you. If you feel uncomfortable with it (i would also) then let him know it's innapropriate and that if he is not serious he shouldn't make those comments. Hopefully he'll come to his senses and actually make a decision and stop pursuing one of you and if he doesn't then the best thing you can do is just tell him you're not comfortable with it and ignore him if he doesn't listen to you. He is probably not trying to be cruel but he is certainly being very insensitive.

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