Potential Date Asking About Educational Background

I was talking to a guy and as we were getting to know each other, he asked the basic questions, like what I do for a living, hobbies, blah blah blah, but when it comes to my educational background, he kept asking in depth questions about that. What does that mean? I don't want to come off defensive by asking why, but what are some possible reasons a guy would want to pry into that?

Because people generally date someone with equivalent educational backgrounds.

You won't see many PhD's dating college dropout outs, etc (Big Bang Theory cast notwithstanding).

It really depends. Some people use it as an icebreaker. Some people use it because level of education really matters to them.

My girlfriend went to school for 8 years and did 3 years of residency. I have... a high school diploma. She did ask me where I went to college on our first date. I told her I dropped out after I started my current career. Then she asked about my career. That was pretty much it. I asked her about her schooling and she told me about it and it was fine. It does help that I was pretty deep into my biochemical track when I dropped out and that I've been a certified personal trainer, so she can vent to me about medical **** and I'll have a vague idea of what's going on without needing it explained in detail, but my lack of degree has never been an issue.

I wouldn't think much into it. If whatever your level of education and/or choice of schools is a deal-breaker for him, I'm sure you'll know.

What do you mean in depth?

What do you mean in depth?

He asked me am I going to college currently, and I told him no. Then he asked do I plan to go to school? Asked me what I went to school for, but also asked me what can I do with my degree once I do get it. Asked if I started working on my degree yet, stuff like that.

Most likely, your date defines himself a lot by his education. I would guess it is a big part of his life. Either he is still a student or has not been in his present career for very long, he is still paying off student loans, and/or college was his "glory days." I would see if he brings it up in future conversations/dates before making an assessment. Personally, I tend to steer clear of people who talk too much about that as it is in the past, but to each his own...

He asked me am I going to college currently, and I told him no. Then he asked do I plan to go to school? Asked me what I went to school for, but also asked me what can I do with my degree once I do get it. Asked if I started working on my degree yet, stuff like that.

Were I not working in a position that pays my bills and lets me live pretty comfortably, I'm certain not going to school or having a degree would have held me back in the dating world.

A lot of men also like the idea of a woman who contributes equally and with whom they'll be able to pitch in for fun and nicer things. For a lot of us guys, when we see a woman with no real intention of getting a degree and just kinda laying low at minimum wage, we assume you're biding your time until you're a stay-at-home mom. Nothing wrong with that, of course, and it may well be an unfair assumption to make, but it is a filter.

How old are you? Do you work? What kind of job do you have?

 

Were I not working in a position that pays my bills and lets me live pretty comfortably, I'm certain not going to school or having a degree would have held me back in the dating world.

 

A lot of men also like the idea of a woman who contributes equally and with whom they'll be able to pitch in for fun and nicer things. For a lot of us guys, when we see a woman with no real intention of getting a degree and just kinda laying low at minimum wage, we assume you're biding your time until you're a stay-at-home mom. Nothing wrong with that, of course, and it may well be an unfair assumption to make, but it is a filter.

That's the thing though. I'm not looking for someone to take care of me. I have a college background. I even have a job that pays me well for me, and I am happy with that, and I do plan to go back to school. I have no children and I am not interested in being a stay at home mom, that's for sure. He has a child, however, that's a sophomore. I hope he isn't looking for me to play step mom (from a financial standpoint) because I have no interest in doing so, if that's the reason he is asking all these questions.

He asked me am I going to college currently, and I told him no. Then he asked do I plan to go to school? Asked me what I went to school for, but also asked me what can I do with my degree once I do get it. Asked if I started working on my degree yet, stuff like that.

I see. It sounds normal to me as I usually ask potential dates where they had gone to college, what for, if their job is relevant to their studies, etc. To me it's just one more topic.

Sounds like he wants to know, basically, if you're lazy and looking to find someone to take care of you. If you have plans to get a degree and find a position in a career with your degree, then obviously you're motivated to be self-sufficient.

Sounds like he wants to know, basically, if you're lazy and looking to find someone to take care of you. If you have plans to get a degree and find a position in a career with your degree, then obviously you're motivated to be self-sufficient.

Understood, however, there are just as many folks out there who don't have a degree and have jobs and are not lazy as there are who do have degrees, so I think it's a silly thing to base it on. I know a lot of lazy folks who have degrees as well. So to me, having a degree makes no real difference to me except for the job world.

I agree with you; I'm one of those people. I have no degree, but have a very good job that I can make into a career. So I think it'll be up to you to decide if you find his questions offensive, and his attitude a deal-breaker.

I know a lot of people that do not have a college education and have made a way for themself. There could be many reasons why he asked you those questions about your education. Maybe he was asking those questions as an ice breaker and to continue a conversation, maybe he asked those questions because he prefers to date an educated woman, there is a mulititude of reasons why he askes that question and you will not know until you get to know him better

I think these type of questions would be more appropriate to ask if/when you actually start to date. That said, I'm assuming you haven't met in person as of yet?

I would have asked because I only dated men with at least a college degree -where I did my dating it was hard to meet someone who didn't have at least a college degree so the issue rarely came up. I wanted to marry someone with similar educational values to myself (so it also mattered that he valued the fact that he chose to get a higher education). I certainly would have been friendly with someone who chose not to pursue higher education but choosing a potential spouse was a different story.

I would not have pried into someone's educational background but would have found it odd if he chose not to share where he went to school (or whether). If he said he didn't I would not have asked more questions.

I was talking to a guy and as we were getting to know each other, he asked the basic questions, like what I do for a living, hobbies, blah blah blah, but when it comes to my educational background, he kept asking in depth questions about that. What does that mean? I don't want to come off defensive by asking why, but what are some possible reasons a guy would want to pry into that?

To me it means he hasn't yet learned that education and intelligence aren't necessarily correlated, so too with earning power. It's like mistaking age for maturity. Or he's ashamed to date someone without a formal education?

With life experience, and having hired a lot of people in disparate sectors - and being educated myself via two prestigious schools - I couldn't care less about educational credentials. Either in the workplace or the relationship, you can either do the job or you can't. I do highly respect the drive and effort required to earn a degree and I am really turned-on by women with a PhD... just because. Other than in their field of study though, they're no smarter than anyone else and especially not any more emotionally intelligent. To me an open mind and curiosity counts far more than being able to regurgitate stuff from a text book.

I've dated a high-school drop out. Truly loved her, and we had the greatest conversations. Never met anyone more emotionally intelligent, and what she didn't know academically she quickly looked up and learned. All my friends, very highly educated, presumed she had at least a Master's degree. Great job too, earning more than most of my friends with degrees.

Keep an open mind, be yourself, and avoid those who have a closed mind.

It might vary with fields/topics... But for myself... My field consumes an overwhelming portion of my life and it's something I pursue out of passion... If you have no background in my field, then you don't understand a lot of what contributes to my outlook on a personal level. If you lack a grounded fundamental education, then it will be even harder to connect with you... Since my work is this closely knit to my life, it's difficult to adapt to people of different walks... Not that I look down on drop-outs, or people following different pursuits... But at the same time, if my work engulfs my life, and it's far beyond my partner's comprehension, that's a problem to me... Not out of disrespect or a sense of superiority, but out of genuine incompatibility...

^ Pixels, I'm curious why that matters? I've dated PhD's who couldn't begin to grasp my main endeavors. The few who thought they could, because they have a business background, were frankly irritating because they'd try to impress or "help" when I neither was required and we'd engage on the subject and they'd get invigorated and feeling connected while I'd get burnt out talking about work. I actively avoid dating anyone related to my lines of income (I don't say "work" because I love it, and like you I do it a *LOT*).

As long as there's respect and trust, does it matter?

People weigh criteria differently. For him education must be important. Others it might be interest in sports, physical abilities, income etc.

All you can do is answer the questions and hope you make the cut. Or if you're weak in that area try to shore it up by being awesome in other areas. That is if you are comfortable with someone who is very concerned about education.

People weigh criteria differently. For him education must be important. Others it might be interest in sports, physical abilities, income etc.

 

All you can do is answer the questions and hope you make the cut. Or if you're weak in that area try to shore it up by being awesome in other areas. That is if you are comfortable with someone who is very concerned about education.

I would not be comfortable with someone who pried in general off the bat -that shows potential lack of basic manners/social skills, whether it has to do with education or not. Certainly if someone has a dealbreaker about the basics -general goals/lifestyle/religion/education, there is a tactful way to ask without prying.

Bill Gates is a college drop-out, thus only has a high-school diploma.

George W. Bush graduated from Yale *and* Harvard.

Common interests, physical fitness, income... those are all potential points of compatibility. Education has no definite correlation with general intellect, and plenty of those who went to work out of high school have more money saved and more income than those who racked up $150k in student loans they haven't paid off and didn't start earning until age 27.

Bill Gates is a college drop-out, thus only has a high-school diploma.

 

George W. Bush graduated from Yale *and* Harvard.

 

Common interests, physical fitness, income... those are all potential points of compatibility. Education has no definite correlation with general intellect, and plenty of those who went to work out of high school have more money saved and more income than those who racked up $150k in student loans they haven't paid off and didn't start earning until age 27.

I wanted someone who shared my educational values by valuing the accomplishment of at least a college degree and who believed in education for his future children if they were so inclined. It also meant far more of a chance of financial stability.

If I had dated in a city/location where going to college was atypical I would not have had that requirement as stringently (but I still would have wanted to have the values in common). In the rare situation where I met single men in my age group who did not have at least a college degree (or weren't in the process of pursuing one) the reasons why meant we were incompatible -sometimes it had to do with intellectual ability, other times because they valued money over education (i.e. dropped out forever in order to make more money at a business) and other times because they didn't see the value in attaining a college degree ("just a piece of paper" mindset). Those people often made fine friends but not suitable future spouses.

^ Pixels, I'm curious why that matters? I've dated PhD's who couldn't begin to grasp my main endeavors. The few who thought they could, because they have a business background, were frankly irritating because they'd try to impress or "help" when I neither was required and we'd engage on the subject and they'd get invigorated and feeling connected while I'd get burnt out talking about work. I actively avoid dating anyone related to my lines of income (I don't say "work" because I love it, and like you I do it a *LOT*).

 

As long as there's respect and trust, does it matter?

I agree... Respect and trust come first and foremost... Education alone doesn't dictate that, but having relatable life experiences does help facilitate personal connections...

Furthermore, post-secondary education is an especially unique experience that's isolated from the real world... Not that that's a good thing, necessarily... But it affords exceptional opportunity to hone specific personal skills that aren't immediately practical to post-secondary employment...

It's like age-gap relationships... There's nothing inherently wrong with it, but more often than not one person brings a completely different level of perspective, responsibility, ambition, and stage of life to the equation which creates an imbalance...

Not saying that having a PhD makes you an awesome person or anything... Far from it...

Bill Gates is a college drop-out, thus only has a high-school diploma.

Bill Gates got his break due to familial ties... He exploited a broken marketing model in a developing market a LONG time ago... His operating system got its foothold by becoming more popular, not by being better... He literally gave away his software license for free. This was made possible due to family connections (I think they were connected to IBM? Correct me if I'm wrong)....

Once the operating system was widely distributed it opened the doors for Microsoft to start developing OS-specific software and charging a premium for it... Since most computers in service were running on his operating system, they were left with little choice other than to spend hundreds per computer to switch operating systems...

It was a good business model at the time, but it was arguably facilitated by pre-existing privilege and especially unique circumstance...

"Furthermore, post-secondary education is an especially unique experience that's isolated from the real world"

Yes, for some especially those who use it as an excuse to escape from the real world. Some people who choose not to purse a college degree also are trying to avoid the real world. I don't agree with that generalization but it is one of the tired stereotypes about education -just like trotting out rich people who did not go to college and unintelligent people who did not (so what?).

I agree that he is basically trying to flush out if you are compatible with him, by his own methods.

When dating, I found sometimes that the questioning was uncomfortable. Questions about education though I think are rather standard. It's how some people do it though that yes, can feel like prying.