Batya33

It is a sign of weakness I agree. I hope your son in law is doing ok.

You won't find your person unless you disqualify efficiently unless you're ok with settling. I wasn;t. My husband and I started officially being back together a week after I turned 39. He was 38. Married 15 years yesterday he said my text almost made him laugh out loud at his conference he is attending (something about how I couldn't believe that a small cut on my finger from a vegetable peeler made our entrance way look like a crime scene Colombo would have a field day with -yes we're old). OK so he was probably checking out the ladies while he texted (joking!) but obviously he's still into me at least my morbid humor. I didn't settle. And I also wanted a baby so badly!!! I almost did even 6 months or so before he and I got back in touch -so so close to doing that. That guy is happily married to his person -same year my husband and I married -it all worked out. Please don't settle for creepy/tacky behavior.

I would also stop that habit because all you need it letting it inadvertently last a bit too long and being noticed. I'm personally into maintaining eye contact with the person I am with, not rehearsing what I'm going to say next- no need to lock eyes all the time or be intense but I am with that person. Whether my husband or friend or family member. Yes. I stared at Bon Jovi in an elevator my then boyfriend and I were riding. There are exceptions!!!

Right -do you want to put up with that level of immaturity? What if he leers at a friend of yours he's meeting for the first time as she walks into the meeting place -before he knows it is she? Wouldn't you be mortified??

No it's not because of gender or his cultural background. I have bad habits too like picking at my nails/playing with my hair and when I went on a date or interviewed or was in public at a place to make an impression I physically restrained myself from doing those things. If he apologized he knows he was leering not scanning/noticing.

Agree with the others and Congratulations! True friends don't do this when it comes to "wedding stuff" that can be rescheduled especially since it's a fixed day. But put aside the negativity and maybe don't be available for her wedding stuff.

I think it's fine to ask for ice. That's not high maintenance. I once walked out of a restaurant with my young son because we were regulars there and it was kid friendly (hard to find) my friend brought her sister with her (without asking me) and she was notoriously rude to wait staff -rude -not just high maintenance. I ended up leaving because I didn't want the waiter to see me associated with her and I wanted to be able to come back with my son. She could have ruined my opportunity to go to that establishment. You did no such thing and I agree -if you have to help someone to that extent that person likely shouldn't be applying to that job. When I was 15 or 16 I applied to Dunkin Donuts and I went by myself.

Or he has that silly immature reflex like Darkchoc mentioned -so even if he was with the woman of his dreams he gives into his impulse to check out other women blatantly. We all "notice" our surrounding -I do -cute dogs and cats, cute guys, cute babies - but the difference is if you're going to do more than a momentary scan it better be because you want to share what you saw with who you are with - "Oh I'm sorry to interrupt -look at that dog walking his owner/look at how gorgeous the sun looks - oh that's that dress I was telling you about" - Honestly I get annoyed if that happens too much but at least the interruption is -human -and the person wants to share what he saw with you. (Like when I know my husband is half listening to me, half to whole watching the ball game)

I am with Darkchoc. Nope. And apology is irrelevant. Obviously exceptions - he thought she was someone famous so he did a double take, she looked like a friend of his so he was deciding whether to go over after your conversation was paused, etc. But I'm with Darkchoc -can only go downhill from there.

Oh wow my apologies!! I could have sworn and maybe was removed or someone else. I can't find it now and very sorry for my mistake although I was obviously complimenting that person's insights. I do appreciate Wonderstruck's comments. Thanks for pointing out my mistake in such a direct way.

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Yes and she can do that -from a distance from him. I don't think this is an example of needing to struggle. She has to decide what value she places on honesty about basic facts, her sense of value as a woman (clearly his are questionable as Miss Lolita expressed), her sense of basic respect from another human (again echoing others like Lolita who have posted here). If it is that much of a struggle in this situation I think it's too dangerous for her to get involved with anyone right now. Some people might prefer to date someone with his values if they want leeway to lie in this way and to generalize about men or whoever in the way he has -to say disrespectful things and deceive and betray - the OP doesn't seem like that at all, in the least.

Yes and they keep updating the parenting manual! Wait there is no manual. Yet we get blamed. I like leading by example -I tell my son about my work, about work situations and how I handle them, he sees that I ignore him if I'm on deadline and his um request is not an emergency. He sees that I and my husband mostly like and enjoy what we do and we like making a contribution. But we don't get all lecture-y or didactic about what he should do with his life, for education or work. If he shares stuff we give input but again not heavy handed.

Oh I meant he'd get sick. LOLLL. My sister used to make fun of my dolls -she preferred stuffed animals but tolerated barbies - and also pretended to flush herself down the toilet to scare me.

I was raised to do whatever I liked and with a strong emphasis on educational values like college and beyond. Also a strong emphasis on making a living (my sister at one point in her teenage years wanted to be a "humanitarian"). We regularly discussed how for example I loved to write creatively (still do!) but how hard it is to make a living as a writer. Same with my sister's vocal/acting talents. But we were encouraged to pursue as a hobby, etc. Husband was raised the same. Our parents had tons in common/very similar that way (only mom is still living). I don't talk about what I did after elementary school teaching (what awful pay -so unfair) - on here but for sure for the 15 years I did that full time I socked away the $ and built a significant nest egg which has benefited me and my family indirectly so very much given that doing what I like also included SAHM which I did and liked a lot for over 5 of the 7 years I did so -liked the last 1.5 years too but also was ready to return to my prior career in some capacity which I did. And which I also like. My husband didn't like his first career much and it was very lucrative. So he pursued a different career in his 30s which also is lucrative. For the last 24 years he's liked it very much and makes a really good living. I know many artists of all types including famous artists of all types. I respect art and artists (and I'm including in that writers/actors/visual artists) -I've also worked with many artists. I do see what a tough path it is and how hard it is to persist, to be successful. I have a few friends publishing their first novel in their 40s and 50s but for many years they made a good living doing other things. I wouldn't recommend that a person pursue being an artist without - a trust fund basically -with rare exception - even if they like it. I feel awful saying that but I'm practical minded that way. I also think it's unfair to blame parents for all of it- adults can forge their own path whatever the message was and often the message was far more nuanced/layered than based on hindsight/memory. My son and I -and my husband -talk quite often about college and career plans -I think he's past the "I want to be a youtube star" phase. He's 15.