EternalOptimis

Google "oedipal mother". Very unhealthy.

Only trumped in the eyes of clowns like this guy. In that respect, you have an excellent screening device going on. Keep it up. Block and move on.

If you stay, this will end (and it WILL end; you can only choose when) in one of two ways; he dumps you when he's determined he's really more into guys, or he'll lie to you (and himself) and you'll live a lie till one or both of you decide you can't do it anymore and it ends many years hence. But then some people prefer a beautiful lie to an ugly truth.

Do NOT. Double-underline NOT even consider counselling with that woman. Once a cheater always a cheater, her more certainly than most. As others have said, you need to think strategically. For yourself and your children. Speaking of whom, whatever has been said to them, please shield them from the worst of it. There's a strong bond with mother and it mustn't be interfered with. Your marriage is over but you need to protect the kids. And allow yourself to grieve the end of the marriage. You've been together 22yrs and it's possible to miss being married while not missing the person.

Years ago, I connected with someone on a dating site and we exchanged phone numbers. I only knew her first name, but at our first call, my smartphone's reverse-lookup feature unexpectedly flashed her full name. Of course I googled her. She was a hotshot lawyer at a very large firm. No wonder reverse-lookup found her. Her Facebook circle ran over a thousand as did her LinkedIn connections. I was intimidated. I mean she even knew the CEO of my firm! Breathe.. she's still on a dating site because she wants to meet someone. We were both abroad a lot over the next month or two and I assumed she wasn't really interested. Then a text out of nowhere and we met for a drink, which turned into a meal, which turned into a wonderful relationship.. Life can be quirky like that. Not all encounters were positive. There was the creepy interrogator "but where are you REALLY from? Where do you work?". The "I've always been cheated on so I'll treat you like a cheating pig till you prove me otherwise". But my biggest dating regret was long long ago when I was new to online, a 6-months long distance relationship ensued without so much as an exchange of photos. I know. When we finally met, there was zero chemistry and I broke her heart. Never again. A few due-diligence exchanges on the site, a phone chat then a meeting in person.

There's a difference between love and attachment. We're guilty of conflating the two. Cheaters, and cheatees, very sadly, are often serial.

I read a quote here long ago which I always remember; Never ask a liar for the truth, it's the last thing you'll get.

You're not ready for marriage

It takes two to tango. Too often, the cheater's lover knows that the cheater is not single but go along anyway. Are they morally less culpable? If everyone who was ever cheated on ended the relationship immediately, the cost to the cheaters would be so savage, there would be a lot less cheating going on. Not only by the affected cheater but by all would-be cheaters at large..

I am sorry that this has happened to you. It may appear that people on this forum are too quick to advise ending the relationship, but the truth is all too often the OP is too heart-broken / shell-shocked to see beyond trying to resuscitate the relationship. With infidelity, the odds are against you. And forgiving a cheater too often emboldens them (conciously or subconciously) to cheat again. HE now needs to put in the work to prove to you that he won't cheat again.

MissCanuck and Lambert are right on the money. Re-read their original replies. Better off without her. Debateably not always true, but in this case definitely is... : "Once a cheater, always a cheater"

When does "dating" become a relationship? Is it subjective? Is it after intimacy? A set period of time? A set number of dates? A set number of personal effects are kept at each other's house? Someone says the three words? I was having a conversation with a friend who was trying to recall all his relationships and some of them lasted under 2 months. Some involved fewer than 5 dates (but over 6 months), only one involved living together.

My first reaction on seeing this thread was "only 560 replies!" Incompetence and verbal incontinence among work colleagues Nosy neighbours when working from home Maybe the library. Although Rainy makes me doubt I'll have better luck there..

I was clearing up my Google photo album. It still makes me sad seeing pictures of us. I forgave you. But I will never forget how your infidelity made me feel