How can you cope with the loss of a child in a relationship?

When faced with the loss of a child in a relationship, it is completely understandable for both partners to feel an immense amount of pain, shock and grief. The death of a child can easily shake two people’s entire world, leaving them feeling lost, angry and hopeless. While it may seem impossible to endure such heartache, it is important to know there are ways to cope and eventually find peace.

Perhaps the most important step in coping with the loss of a child within a relationship is to practice self-care. A couple is naturally like two ships in a storm, with their movements impacting the other’s. It is therefore essential to remember that, though you may be grieving together, taking time to independently care for one another is essential. Even if it feels selfish or counterintuitive, finding time to cry, write, meditate, and do things that bring comfort are critical steps in the healing process, and will help the relationship stabilize.

Another tip for coping with the loss of a child in a relationship is to communicate openly. Open communication is likely the single best way for two people who are grieving to understand and connect with one another. Though it may not come naturally, consciously deciding to talk about your thoughts and feelings can give both partners the empathy and understanding necessary to cope with their pain.

In addition to open communication, the concept of an “off switch” can also be beneficial. As human beings, we all experience primary emotions such as sadness and anger. However, it is important to identify when this emotion becomes too much, and it is time to calm down, shut off, and disconnect for a moment. Making use of an “off switch” gives each partner permission to take a break from their negative emotions, which can lead to better communication and ultimately, more positive interactions overall.

Making sure to take moments to honor and appreciate the relationship between the two individuals is paramount during times of extreme grief. After the death of a child, partners may begin to worry that the bond they each shared with that person had a bigger impact on the other. The truth is, each parent and partner had their own unique relationship with the child, and that should be remembered and celebrated even after the child has passed. Taking time to reminisce and share stories can not only bring a sense of joy and hope, but can also help strengthen the partners’ bond with one another.

It is incredibly difficult to cope with the loss of a child while in a relationship, as the death of a child affects everyone involved. It is important to remember, however, that self-care, communication and honoring the connection between partners can help support them in weathering this storm. In time, couples can gain the strength and resilience to overcome such tragedy and reach a place of peace.