Here Comes The ‘Extra Mile’ Mindset—It's Time To Cut It Loose

Do you often find yourself trying to go the extra mile for someone, only to become disappointed in the end? It is common for people to overwork themselves in order to be accepted by someone they desire. Whether its family, friends, lovers or otherwise, it's an all-too-familiar cycle of giving, giving, and giving much more than what is asked in hopes of being liked. But here’s the hard truth—this doesn't work.

You can't fabricate affection by constantly being willing to do more than what is necessary. As cliche as it may sound, love should be unconditional not based on how much you do for the other person. After all, you can't make someone like you if you can't even make them respect your own boundaries.

People who expect you to keep doing the extra mile might promise approval and acceptance, but that does nothing to guarantee it. In the end, the only ones who are consistently delivering are yourself. Unsurprisingly, this never brings the joy one expects and can even sour relationships and damage mental health.

When you're customizing your behavior and outlook to rejections over and over again, it feels like giving up slowly chips away at all enthusiasm and energy. When you’re trying to please someone because that’s your ultimate goal, eventually becomes tedious and tiresome.

The solution is learning to accept when approval and respect are not earned and understanding that rejection doesn't always mean the end. Getting over the mentality of "if I do more this person will accept me" is tough but necessary for a healthy relationship—whether it is platonic or romantic.

It takes repeated practice of being assertive and letting go of expectations before you finally get comfortable with the idea of going against the flow. You need to remember that it is OK to step back and understand where a relationship boundaries are. That way, you can both cherish being in each other’s company and not take it for granted.

This also occurs in situations where you try to impress someone you look up to. It is quite typical too to try and accommodate their every wish and give more than you can in order to seem more desirable. However, such behavior yields little results in the long-term and you should strive to be your own person rather than conform.

Therefore, it is best to take a break and see the situation from someone else perspective. Abandoning the mindset of "I must go the extra mile for someone in order to gain their admiration" and reinforcing self worth is the key. Value yourself first and trust that other people's opinion should come secondary.

It is perfectly normal to want to be liked, respected, and approved by those we care about. However, instead of constantly operating under the extra mile mindset, try taking a step back, assess what kind of connections you desire, and ensure your position is almost as valuable as the other person’s.