Dealing with Fear of Commitment: Finding the Courage to Love

The fear of commitment is a complex and surprisingly common phenomenon. That nagging feeling of dread from entering into an exclusively committed relationship can be caused by a number of experiences, both past and present. Thankfully, it is entirely possible to overcome this fear and develop a healthy, loving relationship. In order to do so, however, it is important to first understand the root causes of relationship anxiety.

One common cause of commitment anxiety comes from feeling trapped or constrained by the idea of exclusivity. When partners establish a monogamous, long-term bond, they are both forced to restrict their behavior in order to satisfy the other person’s expectations—and while this may not feel like a problem at first, this kind of restriction can soon start to seem overwhelming and oppressive. Furthermore, if someone’s experienced a difficult break up in the past, this may have a deep-seated effect—they may feel that all their efforts and commitments are for nothing, leading to an overall sense of pessimism about relationships.

Additionally, the fear of trusting someone—or not feeling trusted in turn—can also deeply affect one’s ability to commit. If one partner feels unsure of the other person’s loyalty or honesty, this can make it incredibly difficult to give oneself over to the relationship in the same way as before. Similarly, a lack of trust in oneself can also be crippling for a relationship; the anxiety surrounding what will happen if the commitment fails can become so great that the relationship itself starts to suffer.

The good news is that it is possible to learn how to manage these feelings and stop them from controlling your life. A few key tips include:

1. Take stock of your feelings and anxieties. Writing them down in a diary or talking to a friend can help you understand and let go of any negative emotions.

2. Communicate openly with your partner. Respectfully express your worries and concerns regarding the relationship; your partner should be aware of where you stand and able to offer reassurance.

3. Take things slow. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or the relationship. Having patience and taking things one day at a time can help you feel more comfortable.

4. Celebrate each small step made in moving forward. Every time you take a step towards trusting yourself and your partner, take a moment to enjoy the reward and bask in the achievement.

The important thing to remember is that a genuine commitment requires patience and work. As you work through your fears and anxieties, it is important to focus on appreciating yourself and your partner, and learn to embrace the relationship for what it is—something unique and incredibly special. Despite our fears, a relationship can be one of the most rewarding and satisfying experiences in life—all it takes is a little courage and understanding.