How Can I Overcome My Suspicious Mindset and the Fear of Losing My Partner?

I'm at my wits' end. I've been with my partner for 12 years. We have two children, no marriage license and we both believe that our relationship works even though there are times when we don't agree. Recently, I find myself suspecting my partner is cheating. But I've never caught him, nor found proof of any kind to suggest it - nothing concrete.

The thought of him having an affair with someone else has taken a toll on me. Every day I can feel the fear inching further into my heart. I just can't shake these thoughts from my head. I'm needing advice on ways to handle my growing suspicious mindset and underlying fear of losing him, as well as finding out the truth without over stepping boundaries.

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It sounds like you have a lot of difficult feelings and fears surrounding your partner's potential infidelity. Acknowledge the fact that you may never know the full truth, but by setting aside some time to examine your emotions and come to terms with the possible outcome, you may be able to take power back into your own hands.

First and foremost, it's important to focus on improving your individual mental and emotional wellbeing. You've spent a significant amount of time being worried and afraid, but it's essential to start placing your energy into rebuilding a strong foundation that will help you get through whatever you eventually discover about your partner. A good lplace to start is to commit to self-care including spending quality time on activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as yoga, healthy cooking, painting, reading, going for a walk, etc.

Secondly, consider talking to someone you trust and can talk freely to. It might be a close friend or family member, a counsellor or a mentor. Make sure you know what to expect before you go so you feel in control and prepared for the session. Talking about your experiences can often bring relief and fresh perspectives.

Depending on how hot off the press the issue is, find out if insecurity or jealousy could be contributing to this. Perhaps it's a reaction to an unconscious pattern that's been brewing in either yourself or the relationship a while. Doing some research can give you more insights, such as reading books or articles, taking part in a support group, or having another conversation.

You need to confront your initial feelings while accepting that having trust and respect always begins with yourself. You don't have to make any big decisions straight away - that final step is up to you. But you do have the power to heal, regain control and make peace with your situation.