Need to vent tonight, it hurts sooooo much!

I am in a world of pain tonight and just having a bad day. Some of you may know my story, my ex left after 11 years because he did not want to get married or have kids, or so he said.

I found our recently that he is living with a girl from his work and they have been for at least 4 months or so. They are on a holiday together at her sisters wedding. I am very sure that he was cheating on me and that is why he left. Is he was not physically cheating, he was at least emotionally cheating. It makes sense why he just left without looking back, he already had someone lined up. Also makes sense why at the end he always kept his phone on him and even took it in to the bathroom when he had a shower. I have been somewhat okay the last week but tonight it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I just want to be gone, gone from this world that is so unfair. Gone from this world where one day you have your best friend, lying straight to your face, saving a house deposit with you, and when you have enough money that just bail out. A world where the person you love the most, is the person who hurts you the most. Where someone can take 11 years of love, since I was 19 years old and just leave like I meant nothing to them. Where I gave everything I had to someone, was always there for them, would have done anything for them and secretly they are planning their escape and never really loved me very much at all.

It hurts so much, so, so much, I feel physically sick. I just want to close by eyes and I just will not be here anymore. It has been 9 months since I have seen his face and it just still hurts. He was my best friend, he was supposed to be with me always. He made promises to me, he told me he would never hurt me, that he would always be honest, that he wanted to marry me, that he wanted to buy a house with me. Then it was gone in the blink of an eye. And now she gets the best of him, she gets to just go on a tropical holiday and have sex all night and be happy, she gets to hold him every night, she gets his love, she gets his attention. She is what he wants now, some plain jane, who knowingly hooked up with another girls guy. I hate her, I really hate her and I wish I could hate him. It's just not fair. I invested so much time, so much of myself and it ends up like this. Why don't I get to have what my friends do? Why don't I get to have a husband, a house, kids. Why do i have to be almost 32 and alone.

What does she have that I don't? How can he just throw away all those years? How did he just lie to my face and tell me all the things I want to hear? He was such a different person in the end and treated me with such disrespect after all we had been through together. He was sweet and told me he loved me everyday, how do I ever trust someone to not to this to me again? It scares me how much someone can lie and how easily they can do it. Was it all a lie?

I just can't cope with it all. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I just want it to end. I just want the pain to go away. I want someone to hold me and to tell me that everything will be okay. I want him to feel the pain that I have felt, but mostly I want to go back in time to a place where we were happy together and never leave, but I know I could never do that because everything we ever shared is ruined now.

aww darling , this is heartbreaking ....and I agree with you , it does look like this was all lined up ..which is indeed a common run of how people break up ..the dumper has known all along and is preparing to make that leap and the dumpee is oblivious .

I am so sorry ..and all I can offer you is that cheesy old line of time darling ..time is the only healer .

You do need to try and stop either finding things out or tell your pals not to tell you stuff . You just have to take one day at a time ,one step at a time ..I know none of what I am saying is any comfort , but I just wanted to say I am sorry for you and the pain you are in xxx

I feel for you. I don't have advice but I can commiserate. Girlfriend of 8 years left me under very similar circumstances. Our relationship was definitely not great in the last few years but I still loved her very much. It's been three and a half months since the breakup. I'm doing better but it still breaks my heart. I feel like I'll never find someone again. I feel like I failed in my relationship. I just want her back but I know that the woman I want back doesn't exist any more.

I still find myself crying randomly. Our time is over and I can never get her back.

So you are not alone.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's so so so hard and I applaud you for being able to write this post, because its a way of you coping with the situation... Every moment that happens in your life since the break is 1 more moment closer to the time when you feel at peace again... If I could forward time for you, I would... But my reasons for wanting to fast forward time aren't completely selfless. I am yearning for the day that everything feels bearable again.

Please be assured that you aren't the only one in the world that feels like this. Even this moment, people all around the world have similar feelings.find comfort in the fact that you're not the only one.

In your own time, perhaps try using the unfortunate relationship breakdown as a positive.. Use it to better yourself and your life!

If you like jogging, use it to jog harder. If you like cooking, use the passion to cook with more love...

When I was younger, I studied a form of martial arts which expresses the philosophy of yielding from an opponent's force rather than trying to oppose force with force. I remember the metaphor of an old/stubborn tree branch in the snow will collect lots of a snow, and eventually break from the weight. But a young flexible branch will slowly collect the snow and when it has enough force pushing against it, it will use the snows force against it and fling it away.

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Whilst I wasnt in my relationship as long, and nor do I know if he's moved on, your post is as if I'd read it myself.

The fact i've made a date with a guy I'm not even particularly interested in, nor want anything with. I just want my ex back. Everything you said struck a chord. I feel exactly the same - we're the same age too, why can't we have what our friends do. It's all so similar and I just feel hopeless too. I'm so sorry I can't offer some quick fix. Just to say I totally empathise and sypathise - it's the worst and I'd love for it to stop and work out for us. I even wish I'd never met him. So sad.

Oh babydoll I am sorry to hear about this. I can feel much of the pain and how difficult this is... I am at lost for words. Sending you a big hug... Hold on and stay strong.

We are here for you to listen, never get tired of letting us know what you are going through... I wish indeed we can fast forward now and be in a much better disposition.

Remembering reading all your threads, you have always been looking for an answer to the "Why?" Unfortunately, you have now found out, at least partially, why he is gone. It is agonizing, as I have been in somewhat similar shoes in the past year.

And now she gets the best of him, she gets to just go on a tropical holiday and have sex all night and be happy, she gets to hold him every night, she gets his love, she gets his attention. She is what he wants now, some plain jane, who knowingly hooked up with another girls guy. I hate her, I really hate her and I wish I could hate him. It's just not fair. I invested so much time, so much of myself and it ends up like this.

Really, you are jealous of that kind of "love"? You will, in due time, see that you possibly dodged a major bullet. Say thank you to this person for not disturbing your life, and at least having that decency to not contact you. Major props to you as well for not contacting him either. Right now you might be contemplating sending him an angry email or some sort of such communication. Don't do that. No use, he's long gone.

Why don't I get to have what my friends do? Why don't I get to have a husband, a house, kids. Why do i have to be almost 32 and alone.

Honestly, be thankful that you didn't have any of that with this person. Divorce is not something you'd want to go thru, especially when you have the above mentioned things. Stop living a template life, btw. Create something unique for yourself, as an individual. You can still have everything mentioned, without feeling inadequate by somebody's standards. Who cares what someone else has that you "don't"? Be yourself.

Very wise words!!

I think when someone is taken away from us its easy to put them on a pedestal ...and just remember perfection. My timescale is very similar to Babydoll though i was told about the lined up new man immediately.Devasting at the time but im now happy NC is keeping me sane and ignorance about her life is bliss.

I get what Babydoll is saying about just wanting the feelings to stop , unfortunately we have to let them fade away. I feel like im going mental somedays as i cant stop her creeping into my head.

Trying not to wish your life away and keeping busy is the key.Babydoll you will get there.

Why is he with her? Because she is a reflection of who he is and what he wants now.

It was definitely very hurtful and harsh for him the leave the way he did. But you have to let go of the pain so that you can let go of the pain

What do you think it will take for you to let go of the relationship? What do you think you need to start to feel or realize?

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. It is so nice to have people who understand, but also sad to hear so many of you are in pain too. Hugs!

Ms Darcy, your post really struck a chord with me. If she is a reflection of who he is right now and what he wants then sadly he really has changed and we do want different things. When he was with me we finally had saved a house deposit together, we were finally about to buy a house etc (all things he instigated), but now he is losing lots of money, drinking every night, self destructing in my opinion.... I think he got to close too being locked in for life and the true him had to come out. I think he tried for a long time to save money, buy a house etc but in the end he just wants to be a late 30's party boy, who is pretty much an alcoholic, well I know he is, with no responsibilities.

What will it take for me to let go of the relationship? I wish I knew! I realise that it has been 10 months and he has moved on with his life and I am still stuck and that is all on me. He does not control my thoughts and make me obsess over what went wrong. That is all on me and something I need to work on. What do I need to start to feel and realise. I need to forgive myself, I need to find a way to let go of the pain. I need to find a way to love myself and that is so much harder now him leaving has confirmed all my worst thoughts about myself - I am ugly, unlovable, boring, replaceable, not special etc.. But that is all on me too. I need to look at this as a positive. I was never truly happy with him and probably never would have left so this is probably blessing in disguise. I need to actually believe all these things I am saying and stop thinking about him being so happy, and trying to understand why and what I did wrong. I need to just stop thinking about him day in and day out, it is driving me crazy!

I would take each of the four things you mentioned as goals to strive for over the next few months:

1. Forgive myself

2. Love myself

3. Be genuinely positive

4. Stop thinking about him so much

Then go out and research - write down something you can do in each of these areas every day. For example, for "love myself" you can write down positive self-affirmations that you repeat every morning when you wake up.

Im sorry you are going thru this. If you want to look at the most obvious positive you can take with you is that now you have room in your heart for someone that does want to get married and have kids.

I hear you...i understand what you are going through. I have been dumped by a bf of 5 years(known for 8) right before the wedding. I am turning 31 now. All i want is just to have a happy family with the man i love. Suddenly he said he is not ready for that. It has been almost 3 months but my pain does not seem to go away at all. I am somehow mad at the world, at him, at myself and at our situation so much!! But somehow i think i will eventually come out of this wiser and stronger. People keep telling me it's better than ending up divorce 10 years down the road. I would be a lot more miserable. I hope we both will get through this pain in not too long.

Thank you all! I think the more time that passes, I realise it is time for me to let go. I gave him everything I had, I left nothing back when asking him to stay. I wish I left with my pride too, but in the end the best revenge will be living well.

I want to be happy again. I don't know if I believe in love anymore but one day I will try again. I think this quote is quite beautiful.

This goes out to all of the people who have been broken, but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt that they could never love again, but kept their head up. For the people who learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if it sometimes feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway.

For the people who periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone and are tempted to call, but keep their dignity intact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured. For all the people that gave up, not because they were weak, but because most times, it’s better just to let go. We’ll all get our happy ending someday. — Unknown

hi babydoll2305, i just read your story and i am so so sorry to hear about what happened to you. my relationship was only half the length of time as yours but it lasted 7 years (from 15-23) and so i really don't even know myself without him. he broke up with me 6 months ago, seemed genuinely heartbroken but kept alluding to this being a "break" and told me even married couples separate sometimes, that he loved me, saw himself winding up with me one day etc. he told me he just needed some time to be single and take a step back from our relationship to evaluate what he truly wants. a couple weeks after we broke up, he told me he just wanted to be alone.

anyway just under 6 months later he has a new girlfriend and its serious. i never could have predicted this. i thought we would have reconciled by now. the pain is truly unbearable. i miss him every single day and he consumes my thoughts. he's happy, moved on, and met someone else and im left lonely and sad. it seems so unfair. we had a great relationship and i just don't understand how i was so easily replaced. i hope time will help heal these wounds. i feel so much anger and hurt towards him now. i just don't want to think about him anymore.

@hopefulandhurt I heard those exact words from my Ex. First he didn't know what he wanted to how he felt. Then the next week I needed to move out to give him some space so he could "heal" from me hurting him bc he cheated on me. Then when I moved my stuff he said we needed to see other people but he wasn't looking for a relationship with anybody. And a week later there is a new girl living in his house. Just wish these cowards would man up and figure out how to tell a person the truth instead of giving us any shred of hope. I too left without any dignity. I pleaded to him how much I loved him despite the things he had done...cheated, physically abused me once, habitually lied. If there's one thing I regret the most that was it. We will all continue to heal and go on...because that's what life is all about. If you can't tell I'm having a strong moment lol. And it's much easier to think positively for someone else but I also try to tell myself the same things. At least we are all here, finding support and hope with others that have been through the same thing. I wish everybody the best in their healing process. I hope we all get some peace with our situation soon.