engagement broke up because he was unhappy

Hi i really would appreciate some advice with regards to my situation. A month before my fiancee had a car accident. This was due to drink driving the night of my birthday. We had had an argument that night as i had realised that his drinking was getting to be an issue and i was asking him to be sober so that he could take me for lunch the next day. Anyway i got irritated and left the party at 2 am. He had his car accident at 5 am. A week after this his brother arrives into the country and My fiancee goes to see a pyschiatrist. I did not know what was spoken during the time until a week later. He would normally take me for dinner on sundays but he decided to go have dinner with his dad and his brother that night. The next morning i got a phone call form his mother saying that the wedding is off and we would need to take a two week break from each other. This was during the christmas period. I went home to see him the next morning and he said he had realised that he was unhappy in the relationship with regards to he felt pressure about getting married and where we would stay. He also said i was too impulsive and had no patience. He said he could not continue with this any further for the time being and would not be ready for marriage any time soon. I then told my parents that the engagement was over. during the break up period i did call his aunt to ask her if she knew and i guess in a way to try and reach him. He messaged me over christmas and new years to wish me and ask me who i was with and where i was. i did respond and wished him back. After the holiday i was out on a saturday night and he called me to tell me he just needed time. i did not answer the phone. In the meantime he had met a mutual friend and told her he never meant for this to happen its just that if i had been calmer during the whole process everything would have worked out. He also mentioned his family was no longer happy if we were together. That sunday i got a phone call from him at 8 am saying he s been kicked out of the house and i should go get him. I searched and searched for him. After which i tried to call his phone and his aunt picked up and said you need to give him space. I went to visit his pyschiatrist who confirmed that he has been diagnosed as an alcoholic. The latest news is this friday night he called me on a night out and said he was stuck again. I told him to ask his brother to get him. Saturday day he was drunk and a total mess. He called and said he misses me and wishes it wasnt like this. Anyway he then said he did not have anyone to go with for dinner so i said lets go. I just comforted him in that time whilst he drunk himself silly. Come sunday it was the same story as saturday. I was at work on monday and he kept ringing my phone and the office phone not understanding i was at work. He was recollecting the past with added on stories like why did you not appreciate me, what did i not do for you. Come tuesday he has gone cold turkey on again. He had gone to get some blood tests done. He found out he had high cholesterol and is suffering from depression. He told me all this then when i was concerned i was told we need time apart, i need to move on with my life and i need to fix myself. I absolutely do not know how we ended up in this place and i am abit shocked actually.

You ended up in this place because he is an alcoholic.

You need to stop taking his calls, block his number and move forward. There is no salvaging this.

thank you. i am trying to move on and also at the same time understand his condition. He said i was the cause of his drinking also.

Alcoholics lie. Constantly.

They are also in denial.

If you want to understand his condition, attend an Al-Anon meeting.

You were being fed a pile of crap that is about as high is mount Everest. First off his psychiatrist didn't tell his aunt ANYTHING. That is such an ENORMOUS breach of ethics it's ridiculous. So no ,his aunt didn't visit the psychiatrist that's BS.

And two,his mommy has to end his engagement?? He's really that gutless?

And then he's save me ,get away from me ,save me get away from me ,save me get away from me. Please do yourself a big favor block him from ever contacting you.

Absolutely no you did not cause his alcoholism.

Marrying an alcoholic is definitely not a thing anyone should do. It's called a deal breaker. When you get some distance from this relationship, you will see he did you a favor by breaking it off. He needs to hit rockbottom or come to an epiphany to decide for himself that he wants to become sober. He will not be ready to be a good partner to anyone for many years after he has become sober. If it will make you feel better, attend some Al-anon meetings to get a better understanding of the situation. You need to do what's right for yourself, and that means not letting people in your life who possess deal breakers such as alcoholics, narcotics users, cheaters, physical and emotional abusers, porn addicts, financially unstable, poor work ethic, etc. Choosing a lifetime partner is an extremely important task that you need to use your brain for, not just your heart.

Yes.He has caused u enough pain and embarrassment .do not talk to him .its not your place to fix him.the damage is done .No contact

>>I went to visit his psychiatrist who confirmed he has been diagnosed as an alcoholic

Calling BS on this one. Telling you this was completely inappropriate and a total breach of patient-doctor confidentiality and hippocratic oath all physicians swear by.... and he /she could lose their license to practice because of it.

I don't believe that happened...so now I am doubting your entire story.

Uhhhhhh , yeah maybe I read that one wrong yeah whether you or the aunt visited the psychiatrist and he told you the diagnosis that's the biggest load of poop. They could lose their license and never practice again.

Uhhhhhh , yeah maybe I read that one wrong yeah whether you or the aunt visited the psychiatrist and he told you the diagnosis that's the biggest load of poop. They could lose their license and never practice again.

Of course it's a load of poop...and since the OP lied about that..what else is she lying about? Everything? Only some things?

She claims her fiance has issues...me thinks she had issues.

I don't trust people who lie...total dealbreaker for me even on a message board.

Done with this thread...

sorry if you feel it is bull. i am a pharmacist by profession actually. i am based in kenya. everything here is unethical. after i spoke to his shrink i thought the same thing. i actually contacted his father after that and told him that he should not be visiting this shrink anymore as he is unethical. thats actually what made me start this thread because i thought i could understand something by visiting his shrink. But i dont know how professional he is so i dint get the answers i wanted. Btw his shrink di did not even disclose to him that he is an alcoholic which is why i am very confused. Why would he say one thing to me and one thing to him?

You don't need the diagnosis, you've experiences his alcoholism first hand.

If you want help, seek out an Alanon group and don't ditch them until you've attended at least 3 meetings and have been assigned a sponsor.

And stop all contact with the ex. You can't help him, and staying involved with him will only push him to escalate his self destruction.

Head high, and hang in there.

Given the cultural context, I think the OP could be telling the truth.

I agree that you need to block him for sure. You are much better off without an alcoholic for a husband.

thanks i will try and attend an alnon-meeting. i dont think we have them in this country though. But lets see what i can do