Guys: How do you feel when a girl initiates a date?

Guys,

In the early stages of dating, do you prefer to be the initiator? It seems like the typical pattern is that the guy asks out the girl and plans the dates in the beginning. When does it become ok for the girl to ask out the guy?

I’ve been out on 2 dates with a guy so far, and he’s been the one who’s planned the date/paid/driven me around/etc. I’m thinking I should call and ask him out for the 3rd date, but I don’t want to come off as too eager or available. I admit, I do like to be chased a little, or at least see that the guy is willing to put forth a genuine effort to see me.

What do you think? Should I ask him out?

That would be awesome he will be more than happy.

I like it when women initiate!

great! Simply great!!

There should be nothing wrong with a woman asking a guy out on a first date so the 3rd date is prefect! Just don't ask him out and then expect him to pay. He will probably still want to pay but don't expect it.

You know guys like it women show interest in us as well.

Lost

I agree. In fact if a girl never initiates anything I see it as a sign of disinterest and back off.

Personally I do not have an issue with a girl initiating but I know that some guys do. Personally, I wouldnt initiate the 3rd day per se, instead I would wait until he calls and then you suggest the details of the date and see how he responds.

Why do some guys have a problem with it? Does it make the girl seem too eager or undesirable? Does the guy feel emasculated if he's not doing a bit of chasing?

Why do some guys have a problem with it? Does it make the girl seem too eager or undesirable? Does the guy feel emasculated if he's not doing a bit of chasing?

Some guys are very old-fashioned and view women initiating dates as an insult to their gender-roles. These guys are really NOT what you'd want to date in the first place, so just ignore them. Largely though, guys ask out women because they are willing to initiate whereas women generally don't because they know us guys will do it for them.

I think it's extremely hot!

I think it's extremely hot!

Vouch for this.

+1 vote for this is hot

Do some guys really have an issue with it? I think it would be nice to know some girl wants to spend some time with you.

I think it would be great and it would take the pressure off of me.

Vouch for this.

Thanks Philos!

I wouldn't know. They never do.

I think he'd be flattered and likely would say yes but it might upset the often fragile dynamic of early dating where the man often seems more comfortable in initiating the first number of dates and might be put off by it - and even surprised at being put off but yet, put off. A risk, for sure. I would wait a few more dates, but that's just me.

Why would any guy be put off by a girl wanting to spend time with him? It doesn't make any sense at all.

They would not be put off in that sense - they would be put off as far as the dynamic being shifted to an uncomfortable place. Many men feel more comfortable being the main person to do the asking in the very beginning so when the woman takes that away from him that can be a turn off. A woman saying how much she enjoys the time they spend together is great and essential at times to signal continued interest - but letting the man do more of the asking in the beginning stages of dating - where a potentially serious relationship is a goal - is probably a better idea.

I disagree. Any man who would be turned off by a woman taking initiative in the beginning is a complete * * * * * * * .

I disagree. Any man who would be turned off by a woman taking initiative in the beginning is a complete * * * * * * * .

I have the intention of asking out a man in the next week. But, what if he isn't attracted? He has winked at me and gave me the eyebrow flash, but other than that, we don't really talk. We work in the same business but at different places. Only see him about 1 a week. Whats in a wink?

^ Risk is part of the game I guess, doesn't really matter who asks.

I disagree. Any man who would be turned off by a woman taking initiative in the beginning is a complete * * * * * * * .

People who feel that way shouldn't date men who would be turned off, then. I don't think men are turned off by women taking the initiative in the beginning, but when it comes to asking out for dates and planning date in my collective experience men who are looking for a serious relationship as opposed to a casual fling feel most comfortabl ehwen they do more of the asking in the beginning, especially the first few dates. I did my share of asking out and spoke to many men over the years who had been asked out - typically they were flattered and typically it took the wind out of their sails as far as continued motivation to date the woman if it was done in the beginning especially if it was more than once. Of course if the woman would not date a man who wants to be the one to do more of the asking, then she should look for someone who doesn't feel that way. Most women I know and know of don't feel that strongly about it and would much rather find a good match for the long term than forego an opportunity to date a man just because he feels more comfortable doing more of the asking in the beginning.

For me, I'm always happy when a woman asks me out for a first date, or afterward for the second or third. It takes days to wipe the smile off my face. I would only caution that you should keep your initiation to 50% or less in the early stages. Just to play it safe (and somewhat traditional).

People who feel that way shouldn't date men who would be turned off, then. I don't think men are turned off by women taking the initiative in the beginning, but when it comes to asking out for dates and planning date in my collective experience men who are looking for a serious relationship as opposed to a casual fling feel most comfortabl ehwen they do more of the asking in the beginning, especially the first few dates.

This makes absolutely no sense. There is no sane reasoning for this to make a man uncomfortable.