gf broke up with me.. Devastated heartbroken and confused

[Massari]

Devastated heartbroken and confused I am writing this. My gf of one month and a half broke up with me last night over one thing that I said. We have a personal issue and she was very occupied over that and I think the thing that I said triggered something. This guy was kina flirting with her and talking to her. I said I am a little jealous, she said why? I said maybe because of my bad experience. She is extremely pretty and has a lot of guy friends. She took this as though I am comparing her to my ex and iam accusing her that you will cheat on me.

 

NO I DIDN’T mean that, I just wanted to talk to her about my feelings about this kinda thing and hoping she would be a little understanding, she said I can’t talk to you right now.. can you respect that? I said ok.. she went to sleep the next morning I woke up and got this off message "What you said really made a whole in my heart and it still hurts, I have been thinking alot about it, sometimes a word or something you say can ruin a relationship and unfortunately it this case it did. I cannot be with someone who doesn't trust me. I thank you for everything you did and wish you a great life” then I explained AGAIN that no JUST wanted to tell you that the ppl ouside our relationship can be like a cancer to a relationship. Then she replied with an angry tone saying there is so much in my mind and I don’t have room for another problem, just leave me alone.. DO YOU get that.. leave me alone and don’t message me. I am signing off.

 

And that’s what I did. I dun eat anymore.. just something small.. smoke like pack of cigarettes and cried for long. Even today I woke up looking at the pictures and just broke me inside again. A mutual friend of ours came to see me. He called me I was in tears he said I’ll come and see you right now. He said she is definitely angry right now. Let her cool down and mean while don’t call or text and anything, go NC and she will call you once she is cooled down and think logically, if she wants you back she will call you.

 

This is pretty much what has happened so far. Today is the second day and it just doesn’t get easier I am alone in the house and just listening to music and smoking…. And crying my heart out. This is so hard feels like the end of the world.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

one month and your heartbroken,.....never get so attached to a person that they are your bread and butter, unless its your wife......man up and force yourself out to have fun, dont u hang your head, stand up and be a man and realize ure the perfect dood for a girl...whats with this rolling over and crying like a little girl? excuse my blunt language but STOP IT.....if it were my ex idda been peed on them pictures, and threw em away, u have to be a little emotionless when it comes to ex's.....stand up and realize that you are someone w/o here u was born by ureself and ure still alive...you is somebody...

[WKD]

Hi Massari, really sorry you are going through this mate, it sucks big time, i'm not gonna be any help with advice because i'm in a very similar place to you right now with my gf of 5 weeks who dumped me yesterday and I have no clue on what to do or where I am in life!

 

Keep your chin up and take care!

[maynards_razorblade69]

Heya,

I agree with Jay in that you shouldn't get so attached to someone so quickly, however, I do know how you feel. Sometimes people are just right for you and you can feel yourself in love with them immediately. If you have been cheated on in the past then I do understand why you would be paranoid/slightly jealous of your girlfriend talking to/flirting with other men. You do have to remember though, that it's half men and half women in the population (roughly!) so whichever girlfriend you have she is going to have male friends. Flirting...depends how you feel about the issue, in my opinion, flirting is healthy, it makes people feel good and, if not too sexually orientated, can also stimulate lovely feelings for your partner rather than someone else. As long as it's only flirting, then that should be fine. She IS angry at the moment, long-term your jealousy could be an issue, and she's picked up on that already, no one wants a guy that is going to be jealous every time you speak to another male. However I do think that her reaction is a little over the top, she seems to have no regards for your feelings, although from her point of view the first text she sent you was nice, ending it, and you pushed it, when she would rather you stayed away. What SHE wants right now is space, and that is probably a good idea for both of you. DON'T piss on the photos!! But do get up, have a shower, make yourself a meal and go for a walk or something, exercise stimulates endorphins in your brain that make you happier, like sex, and it really does work. Alternatively go to a friends, cry it out, talk, moan, whinge, wonder, question...whatever you need to do...talking to people helps. And this weekend, if there's still no change, go out with your friends and have some fun. Create yourself a life without her, as thingy said..you ARE born alone and you CAN live without this girl. Give her some space, don't call her or contact her in any way, if she still wants you, she will call you, if not, find someone else. There are girls out there that would rather sit down and discuss this issue with you rather than walk out of the relationship so soon, relationships are about working together, realising people have faults and accepting them, and not trying to wind the other person up by playing on their faults. If she's not willing to work it out with you, then frankly she's not worth it.

Good luck, keep smiling, and I promise you will feel better in a few weeks xxxxxx

[Siriana]

 

wanted to tell you that the ppl ouside our relationship can be like a cancer to a relationship. .

 

No offence but this line would make me be like image removed

 

Based only on this "incident" that happened I think she overreacted BUT if such conversations about jelaousy were on more than one occasion than it could be problematic.

Maybe she feels that you have way to many fears in relationship caused by your earlier experience and that she's not the one who should try to reassure you.

 

 

Also it is possible that she wasn't into you as much as you were into her.

Or that you two were just not compatible or at the same place.

 

 

Are you jealous Massari?

I wouldn't even comment that guy flirting with her - I would wait to see how she'll handle the situation.

[kellbell]

Hey there Massari,

 

Simply put, you are not ready to date IMO. People outside a relationship is not necessarily cancer. So basically, any guy I talk to at work (I work with guys) or the male clients I see during the day for my other job is cancer to my relationship with my boyfriend?

 

I know you are hurting but you cannot control what others do like that. I suggest you take a break from dating for a while and learn to trust again. You most likely going to run into this issue until you let go of this baggage. Your past experience with your ex girlfriends should not be punishment towards your future girlfriends. It is not their issue, it is yours to deal with and sort out.

 

I am truly sorry about your ex. NC all the way.

 

Hang in there.

[Massari]

 

Also it is possible that she wasn't into you as much as you were into her.

Or that you two were just not compatible or at the same place.

 

 

Are you jealous Massari?

I wouldn't even comment that guy flirting with her - I would wait to see how she'll handle the situation.

 

I am jealous guy yes but throughout this whole month I never showed it I was always calm.. just that one night I just wanted to let her know I feel about this kinda stuff and i don't think she handled it maurely cause compare to what I did for her this whole time this shouldn't effect her . a few nights ago we were in the car she said I see a good future for this relationship . So far I think she handled it pretty bad and immaturely

[Siriana]

This guy was kinda flirting with her and talking to her

 

What was she doing? what kind of reaction she had?

Was he a friend?

When you said that line how you're little jealouse?

[Massari]

This guy was kinda flirting with her and talking to her

 

What was she doing? what kind of reaction she had?

Was he a friend?

When you said that line how you're little jealouse?

 

he said well what are you doing weekend .. we are going to picnic and you should come with us. she said she is working and she is tired then he said dun worry we'll give you drinks and you'll be ok.. she said we'll see. this is the phone conversation she told me, then afew days later he messaged her on facebook. that call me.. Then I told her I dun like this guy.. that was still a couple of days ago. but on Sunday night she said a girl of his friend added her on facebook.. and we started talking about him again and that was when I said it.

[Siriana]

Well it doesnt sound too bad....she declined the picnic.

 

Maybe you should give yourself some time before dating again....

[Iceman26]

My gf of one month and a half broke up with me last night over one thing that I said. We have a personal issue and she was very occupied over that me.

 

Hey dude, sorry to hear about this.

 

I wonder if this "personal" issue had more to do with the break up then anything else.

 

What I can tell you is that it looks like she was looking for a reason to break up with you and this was the perfect opportunity in her mind. It sounds like this guy "friend" was an insurance policy in case your relationship didn't work out.

 

Cheer up my friend. You will do better than this. It is better you discovered what she is like a month and a half into the relationship than 2 years into the relationship. So turn the radio off and cut the smoking down because you will bounce back and do better than before. She isn't worth your tears.

[Hope75]

Hey Massari,

 

Sorry to hear about your breakup friend.

 

I think it was Kellbell who said perhaps it is best to take some time off by yourself before jumping into another relationship. You had just gotten out of your previous long term relationship when you started dating this girl.... maybe taking some time to work on yourself and anything you'd like to improve, and then being able to give a girl a fair chance without comparing her to previous relationships at a later time.

 

It's hard not to let scars from past relationships affect your new ones, but it's so important not to make new partners pay for mistakes that others have made in the past. I've been guilty of that and it hasn't worked out to my favor.

 

Hang in there!

[p_fred]

Go with your gut... you probably felt jealous for a reason. Forget about her for a couple of weeks. Do not contact her or you will look desperate.

 

The fact is if someone is "in to you" they accept you for who you are and will put up with all sorts of bad behaviour. They will make any excuse to see you or call you.

 

If she is saying any reasons to break up with you then either she isn't in to you or she has a backup man or other men in her life. Sucks to hear this but I went through this and spent months wondering what I did wrong. You know what? I didn't do anything wrong and I shouldn't have been so hard on myself.

 

Some girls are just messed up. (just like some guys)

 

Find the one that WANTS to be with YOU. Reject the rest that are wasting your time or don't know what they want. You only have so much of yourself to give, so don't spread yourself too thin.

[Massari]

this is pretty much what happened right now.. I talked to her. She seemed pretty upset whatever I kept saying she denied and made it even look worst. I said "your happiness was the first thing for me in the past few weeks and I did everything to make you happy. I told her that before also on yahoo the day she broke up with me" she said you don't have to throw that on my face I didn't ask you to do any of that.. when someone does something for someone is from their heart and you shouldn't expect anything" I am like WHAT THE HECK??? that really turned of off and made me pissed off. i guess its all over and I AM BETTER OFF WITHOUT her. she said "I was too good for you, you should go out with someone like your ex that would screw you over and you would learn from it. next time when you go out with someone you trust.. don't change your words now and say that "no I trust you and I said that cause I wanted to talk to you about my feelings thats bs," this is so out of the blue for me.. she showed me her true color,,,

 

I think everything is over between us and I should start to move on

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

not to bash you but that statement is 100% true when you do something nice u dont expect anything in return, i do nice things for people and as far as i know i havent been rewarded not looking either its up to God weather he wants me to be rewarded or not....

[Massari]

what I wanted from her.. was to know that she means the world to me and apparently its not clear.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

what I wanted from her.. was to know that she means the world to me and apparently its not clear.

 

some women dont care..........

so i just suggest u be emotionless twoards her...and go eat you cherrios butt naked and enjoy yourself...

[lolz]

Seems to be as if she was looking for a reason to break with you, she didn't even consider giving you a chance. Maybe it's not what you said but that "personal" issue you guys were going through.

[Massari]

I got an off message from her.. that yeah I forgive you.. but there is nothing more between us, we could be just friends. You are an amazing guy and you will make any girl happy. thank you for everything you did for me in these 1 months and a half. so I guess thats it.. she was angry and some time for her to cool off will probably be a good idea.. but I am just wondering .. would ppl change their mind after such statements..? i mean would she have feelings for me again?

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Leave her be. When a girl says that, they are not interested and probably will not be in the future. Sorry about that. I have said that to a guy before and I can say for certain, there were no romantic feelings.

 

Hang in there okay?

[lady00]

Sorry to hear that. I agree with what everyone else said about taking more time off before entering a new relationship. It sounds like what you described was all the other guy trying to flirt with her and her just trying to be nice and decline.

 

Also, I think getting that attached after only a month and a half is a really bad idea. And I think this because I did the exact same thing recently and it still bothers me! I wish I had just taken things less seriously and realized that it was possible thins wouldn't last. It felt so right to me but ultimately he didn't feel the same way and I found that I had gotten so attached in such a short period of time and it was definitely not good for me.

 

Good luck with everything. Keep strong with NC.

[Massari]

here is an update,,,

 

She has a sister WHO IS veryyy mature. She suggested that the 3 if us sit and have a talk. She denied it, she said she has told me everything she had to and she has made her decision, and the reason for our breakup wan't just because of what I said it was because of other stuff as well like me wanting to see her more then she did, we didn't communicate alot.. I think we were just two different ppl, ppl with different values. she valued her friends more then anything even more then a significant other like a bf, and that is the complete opposite of me (she didn't say that actually but thats what I know from her) she said if I have something to say write to her and she'll read it but I had hopes that what I will tell her would make her wanna try one more time but I know now that it will not happen (something I HATE TO DO, I prefere phone or in person) So I told the sister what I want her to know .. and that is that I love her,, and she is always welcome in my arms if she wants to come back and that I am willing to change and try harder to fix this relationship and my jealousy problems and try to communicate more. and this is the last time I am going to talk about this. i would prefer to talk to her but if she is not willing to talk to me about it then thats her decision and I respect that, I also respect the fact that she doesn't want to get back with me. I had to know if there is any hope and that I know that I did everything in my power to make this work. Now I can move on,

 

she is deleted out of my MSN and yahoo.. so I won't worry whats her name and all that crap so it would make the moving on decision a little more easier for me. i think I need 3 -4 weeks to get back to normal again. The only thing that I still haven't deleted is facebook and thats because I don't want her to know that I deleted her from my friends list

[Massari]

Another update…

 

She called me right now, she said” my sister told me you wanted to talk to me” I talked to her in a very calm/cold voice.. no anger and definitely no sorrow, told her that what I said that night was simply because of the way that guy was talking to her and that is NOT HOW I want a guy to talk to my gf..and I also told her I get picky on certain guys and that bothered me, I told her ,, when did I ever question you before and showed mistrust in you? Never, this was this one time and I am picky on guys like that. I was willing to correct my mistake and my jealousy problems and we must communicate, she talks a lot and she is good at it, she can make a fool of you with her talks, and I told her I am willing to give this relationship another try but since you don’t want to I am totally ok with it and there is no hard feeling (I am so surprised at myself for being so calm/cold to her).

 

I respect your decision she was expecting me to beg her to come back to me and cry for her like I did for the past 3 days.. I am tired of that stuff. After this she started saying the old things that I am a nice guy bla bla bla and that I would make any girl happy and she doesn’t want hard feelings between us and if you want I can talk to you every night and be friends. My response to all these bs talk was “aha aha yeah yeah I know” I simply couldn’t bother anymore I was too tired from all this..I also told her “I am telling you this stuff simply because I want to get them off my chest and you can understand them in any positive or negative way you want since it won't make differnce and you made your decision” I could sense that shock in her tone (again she was expecting me to be so weak by this point but I didn't show her, she was exptecting me to say I LOVE YOU and I want you back and yeah I want all that but she doesn't) and after that I said ok I said everything I needed now if you excuse me I am gonna go to sleep and I am very tired. . I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight

 

I feel that I did great in this conversation, my smartest move, I kept calm/serious/NOT EMOTIONAL and cold and mature and increased my chances of her wanting me back by 200%. I feel relieved and ready to start my life again. I did everything I could in my power to fix this relationship but she is not mature enough to do it so its not my problem and its her lost and definitely not mine. life goes on

[lolz]

She somewhat reminded me of that previous psyco ex you had who was playing you around with only difference that your ex would torture you a bit and take you back. This one seems to be quite stable at her decision to separate but yet wants to hear all nice stuff of how crazy you are about her.

But in ALL your post I see one issue which is your jealousy! Whether the girl is mature or not, jealousy is 100% cancer of relationships. You should start dealing with that problem as soon as possible if you wanna keep a girl and build healthy relationship. You can't just isolate a person from talking to other boys and girls.

 

Let me ask you a question, how often do you expect to see your girlfriend a week? And how often does she prefer to see you?

[Massari]

Let me ask you a question, how often do you expect to see your girlfriend a week? And how often does she prefer to see you?

 

I am not too big on friends.. I mean yeah I have a best friend.. we talk to each other every day and such but my significant other is more important.. she wasn't like that and I knew that since the beginning I guess I thought I could deal with it.. but no I couldn't. she would do anything for her friends and I would'nt be her priority.I would want to see her almost everyday and a day before we broke up she said I think we saw each other alot and I think its better if we decrease that to something like 2 -3 times a week. I agreed but I was kinda upset. and I told her that.