gf broke up with me.. Devastated heartbroken and confused

[Siriana]

I see my bf every day, but i am 26.....

Not shure how it goes if you're 21 for example....

And on some days I don't see him..if it's a day for seeing friends or if we're too tired.

[Atticus90]

She left you over that? Seems like she blew this way out of proportion... She took it to heart. It sucks though. I cant say I know how your feeling cause I don't know what it is, cause i'm usually the one to break up with girls, but I have been cheated on and if it's any close to how you feel, then i'm sorry. Getting attached at a month was a mistake. Learn from that. Just steady yourself. Good luck

[Iceman26]

I am not too big on friends.. I mean yeah I have a best friend.. we talk to each other every day and such but my significant other is more important...

 

Your significant other is more important when she is your wife, not some chick you have known for 2 months.

 

Your buddies are the ones that will be there to take you out for some drinks when you get your heart broken in situations like this.

 

Take some time off from women and refocus. I think it will be the best for you in the long run.

[lolz]

Seeing girlfriend everyday is fine if you 1)don't have many friends 2) don't work and study 3) If your partner also doesn't have much friends and things to do and is willing to see you. I'm 23 just like you but to be honest I can't imagine myself seeing my loved one every single day because I just have soo much studies to do. On top of that sometimes I wanna see my friends too, because with school I can't dedicate much time to them. If I was with my boyfriend all the time my performance would decrease and I would loose my friends. You know, friendship is also a relationship that should be worked on, otherwise you'll end up alone. So this being said, maybe you were a bit too inconciderate towards what your girlfriend wants. Does she have things in her life to do(school, work, activities, etc.) other than hanging out with her friends and you? I bet she does...

[Massari]

Does she have things in her life to do(school, work, activities, etc.) other than hanging out with her friends and you? I bet she does...

when we started going out she had school yeah and now it is finished.. when she had school I also had a job and she also works as well. So we didn't see each other that often. then school finished and I had to quit that job cause it wasn't paying me enough and I am still looking for a new one. Naturally we had more time to see each other and shje only worked afew days and I usually gave her a ride to work which was quit far from my house.

[Massari]

Your significant other is more important when she is your wife, not some chick you have known for 2 months.

 

Your buddies are the ones that will be there to take you out for some drinks when you get your heart broken in situations like this.

 

Take some time off from women and refocus. I think it will be the best for you in the long run.

 

 

I thought I would feel better today after that talk that I had with her last night and showed that I am the bigger man here.. still not so much better, the mornings are the worst she used to call me when she wakes up and talk to me before work and during her break.. I wanna cry but I am tired from that. I just miss her soo damn much but knowing she doesn't even care about me/us right now is kinda making is easier for me to move on and see that this happened for the best and we were just too different,.

[Massari]

why am I still hoping thats she'll miss me and would want me back one day? I mean I know how different we are and it will never work out, the idea of her going out with another guy is also killing me. we might all go hangout together this weekend and I am thinking of not going with them for a while.

 

I think seeing her now would make me even more furious and upset and would act stupid around her like sad and stuff. I know when I see her I want to kiss her hold her hand and I know it will never happen

[lolz]

It's better not to go out with that company for a while until you feel a bit better.

[mariposa81]

Another update…

...I said that night was simply because of the way that guy was talking to her and that is NOT HOW I want a guy to talk to my gf..and I also told her I get picky on certain guys and that bothered me, I told her ,, when did I ever question you before and showed mistrust in you? Never, this was this one time and I am picky on guys like that.....

 

Hi Massari,

 

I followed your post and besides what everyone else has said about taking some time for yourself and not getting into another relationship for a while (I agree with all that 100%), this ^^ is one thing that stood out to me in your conversation with her.

 

You can't control how other guys talk to your girlfriend. You can only hope that if a guy approaches a girl that you're dating, that she will handle it in a way that is respectful towards your relationship. Plus it was only a month and a half into the relationship. No offense, but it would make me want to run for the hills too if a guy I was dating was this jealous this quickly.

 

A little jealously is normal, but I think that you need to address this issue and learn to trust again before getting into another relationship. You mentioned that you feel like you need about 3 to 4 weeks...I think it takes a little longer than this to get over trust issues. I was hurt before too (an ex cheated) and it was several months before I was able to meet someone else, and I can truly say that I have had NO issues with jealously in my current relationship, even though we often go out with friends without each other. If girls flirt with him, I actually feel good and sort of proud because he's with me, NOT them. I have a lot of guy friends too, like your ex. Lots of women have male friends. I hang out with them sometimes, but it's strictly a friendship relationship and my SO trusts that and thereforeeee, doesn't worry.

 

I definitely feel like there were other issues with her, that she was inconsiderate of your feelings, but to be honest, it's quite possible that she saw your jealousy early-on and it's not something that she feels she wants to have to "work through" in a relationship. Your jealousy is YOUR issue, not hers, so you definitely need to make sure that you're past that BEFORE you begin a new relationship.

 

Keep going NC, try not to worry about "increasing your chances of her wanting you back" because it just doesn't seem like she's interested in giving it another shot (I may be wrong, but I think holding onto hope will just stall your ability to heal).

 

Focus on improving you and when you're ready, you'll find someone who'll give their all just like you do.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

[Massari]

You mentioned that you feel like you need about 3 to 4 weeks...I think it takes a little longer than this to get over trust issues.

 

Hi mariposa81 thank you for your response. I know it will take a lot to get over my jealousy issues and probably a more understanding partner would speed up the process. What I ment here was that I need 3 -4 weeks to move on completely and forget about her becuase right now all I think about is her... her hands .. smell of her hair her lips.. everything and its just making me more upset. i keep blaming myself for what happened, i mean if I thought about what I say rather then saying that exact sentence maybe I could have explained myself better and I wouldn't imply that I don't trust you. But tell me this, don't you agree with me when I say this "if the person is into you he/she would be more considerate and would want to talk to me about it and help me get pass is rather then just throw it at my face and say i am leaving you.. on the phone last night she said when I leave something behind I really leave it behind and it just hurt me like hell, i didn't show it in my voice but deep down I was crying, didn't she love me? i guess not,

[mariposa81]

What I ment here was that I need 3 -4 weeks to move on completely and forget about her becuase right now all I think about is her... her hands .. smell of her hair her lips.. everything and its just making me more upset.

 

Ohhh okay. Sorry for misunderstanding! You're right about that. It does take a few weeks to forget about someone when you dated them for the length of time you dated your ex. I've always felt that the time it takes to get over someone is sort of directly correlated with how long you dated them (at least it's been that way in my relationships).

 

i keep blaming myself for what happened

 

There's no use in blaming yourself for her lack of consideration for your feelings in this. You just need to give yourself a little more time to get over your jealousy prior to entering another relationship. But that doesn't make you at fault, so don't beat yourself up about it.

 

 

.. don't you agree with me when I say this "if the person is into you he/she would be more considerate and would want to talk to me about it and help me get pass is rather then just throw it at my face and say i am leaving you.. on the phone last night she said when I leave something behind I really leave it behind and it just hurt me like hell, i didn't show it in my voice but deep down I was crying, didn't she love me? i guess not,

 

Yes, I do believe that if she was into you that she would've been more considerate of your feelings, but I don't think that she could have helped you "get past" your feelings of jealousy. In my opinion, things like "jealousy" to be sorted out before you get into a relationship. For example, if someone is possessive, they can't enter a relationship and expect the person that they're with to help them "get over the possessiveness." Because what will happen is that he relationship will progress and everytime you see her talk to a guy, etc, you will question his or her motives and if you try not to say anything because you want to "work through it", it will only internally bother you more and more. If you DO say something everytime you see your SO talk to another guy in your attempt to "work through it", and she has to alter friendships with guys or alter her actions to make you feel better, then it's not helping her either even though YOU may feel better.

 

Do you see what I mean sort of? That's why it needs to be resolved prior to the relationship and no one can help you do that but yourself.

 

If you really feel deep down in your heart that she didn't love you, based on how she reacted, then you're probably right. Once again, don't blame yourself for her not loving you because it takes some people a while to fall in love. For example, I've been with my SO for 7 months and we don't say "I love you" yet. Those things take time. So don't take it personal that she may not have loved you just because you loved her. However, it's okay if you're hurt because she wasn't considerate of your feelings. I would've been too.

 

I think that you need to focus on YOU. You seem to be a wonderful caring guy and when you're ready, I'm sure there's some girl out there who would love to be in a relationship with you and be considerate of your feelings.

[lolz]

...i didn't show it in my voice but deep down I was crying, didn't she love me? i guess not,

 

I thinks one month of a relationship is a very short time for a person to fall in love because you don't even know each other at all!!! I also believe you are just mistaking love for like. Term "love" kinda lost it's meaning especially among young people, it's is used everywhere for no particular reason . So even if your girlfriend says she loved you, she probly just liked you. She could say it becase she is one of those people who doesn't take this word seriously or she just didn't wanna upset you.

[Brooke657]

I think if I was her I'd be mad too but I think she overreated a bit. Jealousy is never a good thing to bring into a relationship but from the sounds of it you did really well to not get jealous. I don't want to sound like oh its just a month and a half doesnt mean anything but I think you got too attached too soon. I don't think your really settled into a solid relationship after a month and a half. I'm having a hard time understanding why this is so devastating so I'm probably not the best person for this but I think love isn't something that's instant and takes alot of time and work to build. I think that she may not have wanted a relationship and she saw a way out. I'm not saying thats it because obviously thats just one possiblity but if she cared about you the way you care about her she wouldn't have done somthing like that. I think maybe you just need to move on.

[Massari]

I am soo right when it comes to other guys trying to ruin my relationship. I can see a lot of scraps of this guy in my ex’s facebook.. things like “are you going to the beach this weekend” and why aren’t you thinking about me and some other bs like that . Now I am kinda happy that she ended it with me because I don’t think that guy is her friend.. he definitely had intentions and now that she is broken up with me he can approach her.. but that guy is not even good looking!! I mean I am 2000 time better looking then him now I may not have his way of talking which is making jokes and making everyone laugh, I am more serious but I think she’ll realize that a good bf is not a clown! Is someone who respects you and would devote himself to you… some of the things I did which I think NO GUY WOULD DO FOR HER..

 

1. waking up 7 in the morning cause she didn’t feel good and needed me by her side

2. taking her to work at 3 PM and pick her up at 10:30

3.Taking her to her college with my car 9:30 AM in RUSH HOUR

4. Being there for her when she needed me..

 

Oh well good luck with the clown .. but then I was soooo hurt today by seeing this guys scraps and thinking you know what.. she is not even thinking about me anymore.. so I think I would just remove her from my friendlist on facebook so that I wouldn’t be tempted to look at her profile everytime I go check mine. Or maybe I shouldn’t do.. but to me this is last thing I can do to forget about her and not knowing what she is doing .. I think I would be more relieved like that.

 

 

ps From now on I WOULD NEVER DEVOTE myself to any girl unless I know I am going to marry her and she will do the same for me.

 

I was the nice guy throughout all my relationships and NOTHING good came out of them except my broken heart (either dumped me or I dumped them cause found out she cheated on me)

[Iceman26]

I am soo right when it comes to other guys trying to ruin my relationship.

 

My friend, the guys could not ruin the relationship if she was into you and the relationship was strong.

 

You just picked the wrong girl. Take this experience and learn from it. Though I hated getting burned, learning from my experience is what helped me to see the warning signs in relationships.

[Siriana]

Well Massari two things here.

 

First is about the two of you:

You were not her ideal match

 

And the second is in general:

You are too jelouse

 

The first one you can't change, but the second one you can.

[lolz]

It's not the guys's fault that he is funny and your ex found him attractive. She just wasn't into you that much and was probably carrying the idea of breaking up with you for a while and just picked on you.

Hovewer, you gotta get rid of the jealousy and insecurity because for most of girls this is a huge turn off.

[Massari]

It's not the guys's fault that he is funny and your ex found him attractive. She just wasn't into you that much and was probably carrying the idea of breaking up with you for a while and just picked on you.

Hovewer, you gotta get rid of the jealousy and insecurity because for most of girls this is a huge turn off.

I agree that I have issues ... I know my life is not complete thats why I don't deal with breakups that well, I feel a huge empty spot in my life.. After 1 month and a half I shouldn't feel like that with one girl leaving me. I have been feeling alot better today. It has been a week since the breakup and 5 days since my last contact with her. I am sticking to NC for the wrong reasons though.. I want her to realize I was the best bf she had ever had and finally come back to me. But also I am sticking to NC to move one and perhaps think less about the great time we had and more about the future and what it might hold for me. I know she is not my match but I think we were both happy except afew arguments that we had but then all couples have these problems and if we both work on them we will have a future. but today I didn't cry for the first day so I am happy.

[lady00]

I agree that I have issues ... I know my life is not complete thats why I don't deal with breakups that well, I feel a huge empty spot in my life.. After 1 month and a half I shouldn't feel like that with one girl leaving me. I have been feeling alot better today. It has been a week since the breakup and 5 days since my last contact with her. I am sticking to NC for the wrong reasons though.. I want her to realize I was the best bf she had ever had and finally come back to me.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it. I have also felt similar things over someone I dated for a short period of time. I can definitely identify with how you're feeling right now. I think it's something I need to work on--not getting attached so quickly. I think part of it is just resisting the urge to rush things. If things are going to work out, then they will last and there is no reason to rush anything. It's easier said than done! Hang in there. I am finding with doing NC I am feeling much better (I couldn't do NC until recently, didn't have a choice in the matter but now I feel such a difference). It doesn't really matter why you start NC because I think you will find as you go you will find yourself letting go and feeling better overall and doing it for the right reasons (healing and moving on). I still feel the same way you do about doing it for the wrong reasons, but I am finding it easier to envision this changing as the days pass and I realize that I am fine, in fact that I am perfectly capable of being happy without him.

[Massari]

but I am finding it easier to envision this changing as the days pass and I realize that I am fine, in fact that I am perfectly capable of being happy without him.

Couldn't have said it better myself. That is ultimately what I am trying to achieve. and I am sure withing a month me and you will be as good as new with the possibility of getting them back think about it

[lolz]

To be honest with you, if she already found you very jealous and possessive she might never want to come back even if you are the nicest guy she'll ever meet. From what you've said, seems like she is a very social girl and your actions such as seeing her every day and being jealous are just suffocating her. So she would rather prefer more freedom instead of super-nice guy. And also, maybe to you it seems like you are doing so much nice things to her but in her view that might not be the case.

I've also noticed that you give up a lot of things in your life to make the girl happy, basically she completely overtakes your life and everything you do is just for her. You shouldn't be doing that... first of all, because of those action you grow too attached to the girl during short period of time. Obviously, it's so hard to let go of something you already put so much effort in and made it center of your life. So there is a lot for you to learn and realize before you can get in in a new relationship. If you are not gonna solve these problems you will keep jumping from one unhealthy relationship to the other.

[Massari]

she messaged me today on yahoo.. said " hey "X" I hope you are ok I want to as you for a favor.. please don't ask my sister or my friends about me, if you want to know talk to me and I'll tell you and I am fine right now thank you. I will talk to you later bye"

 

I just replied "Ok",

 

I didn't know what to reply.. "that no I miss u and all that ??"

[JadedStar]

Oh man, I can feel your pain thru the screen. It is easy to say don't get attached in a month and a half, but we can't always control our feelings.

 

I know the feeling you are going thru. Sitting in a room, poorly lit, doing nothing, unable to do anything, chainsmoking (when i was a smoker). It does abate in time but for a little while you are going to just feel awful.

 

I must tell you that you should DEFINITELY talk to a counselor right now. Please do that. It will help you manage the emotional conflict and you need some help with the jealousies. Telling her that outside people are like a cancer to a relationship wold likely scare anyone who is not able to have a clingy relationship. And you telling her what you did about the guy she was talking to....can you honestly tell us that was the first time? How many times have you said things on this order? I doubt it was the first time and she probably knew how this was going to turn out if she stayed.

 

Do yourself a good service and 1) take care of yourself. Force yourself to eat long enough to gain back the appetite naturally. Try not to just sit and brood and remove those pics. If you dont want to destroy them, at least put them away in a box in the attic or something. No help there looking at them and making yourself more miserable. 3) GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Do something. Hang out wtih a friend. Go to the movies. Just don't sit there and do nothing.

IOH ma

[JadedStar]

she messaged me today on yahoo.. said " hey "X" I hope you are ok I want to as you for a favor.. please don't ask my sister or my friends about me, if you want to know talk to me and I'll tell you and I am fine right now thank you. I will talk to you later bye"

 

I just replied "Ok",

 

I didn't know what to reply.. "that no I miss u and all that ??"

 

Some people are just private and don't like to think that they are being discussed by their ex after a break up. I am the same way. Every break up i had it was important to me that if they needed to know something, ask ME. not anyone else. I also didn't like the thought of being trashed by them becuase when people are hurt they make their side sound so much better.

 

Had you asked her family or friends about her? If so, that is why you got the random text. She just wanted to ask you not to do that. If you hadn't, she just wanted to let you know she would rather you not do that.

[lady00]

she messaged me today on yahoo.. said " hey "X" I hope you are ok I want to as you for a favor.. please don't ask my sister or my friends about me, if you want to know talk to me and I'll tell you and I am fine right now thank you. I will talk to you later bye"

 

I just replied "Ok",

 

I didn't know what to reply.. "that no I miss u and all that ??"

 

It sounds like she feels that you have gone behind her back to get information about her. Her message was quite polite so that's good. It seems she is trying to approach the issue in a respectful way. If you have been asking about her, definitely respect her request from now on. It's alos healthier for you in the long run not to know about what she is up to and not to ask people about how she is because you may find out something you don't want to know that could cause you unnecessary pain.