Waiting for a Response ...

[LostInTranslation]

I recently ran into an ex after NC for a year and a few months. We've been talking a lot and hanging out for the last few weeks. We got closure from one another from our horrible breakup and agreed to be in each other's lives again.

 

It has been great for both of us getting to know each other again. We both admitted, her first, that there were still strong feelings. I proposed to her that I felt we would be great together if we gave it one more chance since we have grown in our time apart and have become better people. She agreed but I still asked her to think about it.

 

It'll be a week tomorrow that I haven't heard from her. I've been wondering if she's thinking about it or if I've scared her away. I know I can't call her now because I don't want to seem pressuring. What do most women think when they are asked about a getting back together?

 

Is there a timeline I should wait before forgetting about it? I was thinking two weeks. I would be fine with either outcome but I know in my heart I would like her back.

 

Any advice?

[Scout]

Hmmm...I read your last thread, and she's also dating someone else. That kind of complicates things, don't you think? It could certainly be why you haven't heard back from her a week later after asking her if she wants to get back together.

[arwen]

Hey LIT!

 

I think first of all, it's a good sign that reconnecting was a positive experience after such a long while. Still there are a lot of things in getting back together that are worth considering. Especially if it was that long ago.

 

* when 1 year passes in NC a lot can have happened that you don't know about yet. That holds for her as well. She may have had other relationships (well, short ones if the plural would be true haha), you may have had dates or even intimate romances, etc. I think it's good to be aware of what happened in between before the two of you take it a step further and get back together

 

* apart from other men/women in the 'interbellum', also life itself can change a lot after a break up in a year time. People learn a lot from what happened in a break up- mostly about themselves and what they are looking for in a partner (or what they are NOT looking for).

 

* after a year, the edges of the pain have gone away. What is still there however, is the reason you two broke up in the first place. If that has to do with certain negative patterns in the relationship that at that time could not be fixed/improved, you really want to be aware of similar patterns if you get back together. I think that mostly, after getting back together, there is this blissfull period ('honeymoon') of having re-found each other. But soon enough you will be reminded of the aspects of the relationship that made it fall apart a year ago.

 

I write this long post because I have been there and I got back together after a break up TWICE with the same man. After the last time it was me who decided not to ever get involved with him again. He has made some moves, stayed in touch, but even that was too much for me. I wanted to really close that chapter and move on to a better one in my life. What I have described in the above are simply what I experienced both times we got back together. We were on and off for 4 years, with two break ups from his side and some heavy emotional betrayal that I only got aware of long after the last time we broke up. This is now 4 years ago (I can't believe I am that old but oh well... older and soo much happier!).

 

Take care,

 

Arwen

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think you should let her make the next move but in the mean time, keep going on about your life. I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you, but stranger things've happened.