sunday13 Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 All these posts here are like, "if he broke up with you and he has someone else, don't worry, he's just on the rebound!" Well... what if I was the rebound? My ex broke up with his gf of 3 years last April. We began dating in June, became official in July. He made it clear he did not want to be with his ex. (She did the whole begging, pleading thing...) But, in the beginning, he would call me her name. He did it twice and felt like a first class idiot when he did. We would run into her when we would go out and she finally came up to say hello. Now that we are broken up, I wonder if I was the rebound. He hasn't talked to her that I know of since we broke up, and his friends all tell me I wasn't a rebound. For me, a rebound would be more of a fling or non-commital makeout buddy or something... not a new relationship. He even admitted to his friends and me that his previous gf was more convenient than anything else. He cares about her, I am sure, but doesn't want to be with her again. The other night he called and we talked for half an hour... joked around like we used to, didn't really talk about our relationship other than him saying for me to be careful. It was our first real conversation in 2 months. Then yesterday he text me an inside joke from the night before. If I was the rebound, would he still try to get in touch? Link to comment
robowarrior Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 To be a rebound the minimum requirement is that he's back with his ex, as long as that doesn't happen your not a rebound ,and even if you are, at this moment it doesn't matter anymore. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 I was kinda in a similiar situation being the male, we both found eachother after long relationships, hooked up some, than became official, she freaked 4 days later and walked away been in NC for 3 weeks ever since...some people think i was a rebound to get her attention off the ex, others say, timing sucked, either way my somewhat closure was her before NC telling me im not over my past (whatever that means) and this girl told me she loved me etc, etc... we were even friends for awhile before hand ... seems to me rebounds dont care to much after the breakup, hence why i haven't heard from here except on my bday ...as well as they run back to there ex's ..... I think she liked the idea of me being there for her but not so much the commitment and yes i had all those things you experienced as well, makes no sense right .... Think of it like this, you had some good times and even though it hurts right now its time for you to find yourself and lose the negative thoughts of all this, you deserve someone who wants to share life with you, and not walk away ... it will get better, keep you head up and be positive, your not alone .... Link to comment
nadine_3110 Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 My bf kinda went through the same thing. We dated for awhile, he broke up with me and then met this other girl RIGHT AWAY! They were pretty much f**k buddies, but they were so for 3 months. He said that she was a rebound because he still wasn't over me when he went out with her. Now we're back together and have been for almost a year. I think a rebound depends on the amount of time after the break up that the person waits before getting another partner. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 A rebound is more about just being with someone while they are getting over their ex. It really has nothing to do with an end reult as in him returning to her or getting involved with someone else after ending the relationship with you. It hardly sounds if you were a rebound. Why don't you ask him, his answer counts the most. RC Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 You had me right up until the end..."If I was a rebound, why would he still try to get in touch?" No disrespect meant at all, but that seems like such a strange jump. Why wouldn't he try to keep in touch - whether you are rebound or not - if it seems a go on your end (or even if it isn't). People do things for all sorts of reasons! I personally think that being a 'rebound' is when the person you are in (some sort) of relationship with is still living in the past that involves their ex. They don't have to be physically chasing the ex, or to get back with the ex. Heck, the person can even be involved in a rather serious and long relationship. The point is: their heart is always somewhere elsewhere, there is not a total presense of the person, the relationship is stuck before it even begins because of an exy. Y'know? Do you feel that this was the case? And does it honestly matter now? Link to comment
sunday13 Posted March 17, 2007 Author Share Posted March 17, 2007 No, his heart was not with her. I think he felt bad for leading her on for two years... he knew right when he began dating her that he would never marry her. I was the first girl he really ever talked openly (infront of his friends even) about marriage. Before we became official, I asked that we take a week to think things over, because I don't commit very often! I said, I know you recently ended a relationship, and I want to make sure we are doing this right. So, we took the week, he actually surprised me in the middle of the night and drove to my house with roses and asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he still had traces of feelings for his ex but they were dying each day. A week before our breakup I asked him if I was a rebound and he said no. So... I guess there is my answer! It just helps to know my feelings weren't wasted on a guy on the rebound. I can feel better about myself knowing that our breakup was simply because he needed to get his life together and not because I was just his "fun for now." Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Excellent! Way to go. Seriously. Lots of happiness to you. Link to comment
ruby19 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I live in fear that I was the rebound Link to comment
bear12 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 well, with my latest ex i started out as a rebound and i knew it too (when i asked him out he told me i'd just be a rebound! yeah, we had a few drinks in us, perhaps...) and professed i was okay with it! i had been single for a while when we met, thought he was cute, and figured we could just have a fun date or two. why not, right? but then we ended up really liking each other, continued dating, and we ended up falling in love. we were together for a year and a half... in retrosect, i think it was a bad idea, and i wouldn't date someone that soon out of a relationship again.. a part of me wonders if part of the reason our relationship didn't work out is b/c he never took much time between these two serious relationships (and ended up having some sort of weird freak out "what am i doing" type moment) or if the fact that he was so willing to quickly jump into another one only illustrates that there are some deeper emotional issues that have nothing to do with me... but at the same time, i think what you need to ask yourself to know whether or not you were a rebound in his eyes is not about the length of the relationship/who he's with now, but rather how did he treat you? how did he portray your relationship to his friends/family? what did he tell you about your relationship when you talked about it while together? i think in your heart you know the answer. Link to comment
ruby19 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 The confusion lies with this dilemma: while we were dating he treated me well, I met his family several times (family dinners, going to family cottage with sisters etc), hung out with his friends all the time and was introduced as his girlfriend, very inclusive and open about me in all aspects of his life as far as I know, talked about long term plans. Fast forward to the breakup: He says this was a short term summer thing and we both knew it, we were never serious, he never said he loved me (he did, many times, no matter how much he denies it now, unfortunately for him I have a really good memory) and a series of other revisionist versions of our relationship. Most people are telling me he is saying this is his way of justifying the breakup for someone new, makes him look like a good guy to himself, minimizes our relationship to make him look more free to the new girlfriend etc. I can see that because I just don't know how he could look himself in the mirror otherwise. But how do you get that twisted that you actually believe this BS? He was so judgemental and critical of his family for lying and now he stands there just like them, a hypocrite like the rest of them. I know I look back on past relationships and go * * * was I thinking, sure. But I never try to minimize them or make them something they weren't to make myself feel better. I can call a fling a fling and something serious a relationship, even when they shouldn't have been. If I could convince myself they weren't so important or I didn't do anything wrong sure I would have a much easier time getting past things and not taking any responsibility for my actions. But I do. So I am able to face my faults, is that maturity or just my personality? He is only 22. I know deep down it shouldn't matter. If he wants to play fast and loose with the truth or was lying to me for the whole time, it really shouldn't bother me and I should be glad to be rid of him. But it seems I'm not. I suck Link to comment
bear12 Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 you do NOT suck. 22 year old boys suck! they're not very in touch with their emotions, and i'd have to agree with the notion that he's likely only saying that now to justify what he's doing in his own mind... second, i don't think you need to have a very good memory to remember somebody saying they love you! i, at least, don't use or take that statement very lightly and i'd hope he wouldn't with you either! i know it doesn't really help to hear this, but the objective truth is, if he's the kind of guy that's going to lie about having said he loved you, you're better of without him in the long run anyway. try to focus on that... Link to comment
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