Angry because no one helped my Mom on welfare

[prettydance]

I'm upset because my mother was very poor when i was a child and had to go on welfare and lived in a bad area where me and my sister were subjected to abuse, rape, etc..

 

She got married to my father who told her not to work he will support her. He wound up getting cancer and heart problems 1 month after i was born.. he had no life insurance, no health plan, worked off the books,, his whole banck account was wiped out for his treatments..

 

My Moms sister and brother had alot of money at the time and did not help. My grandmother gave her whole life savings of $500,000 to my Moms brother for his business and no one heard from him after that.. Then my Moms sister did not offer to help as well and she is a millionaire. My dads family who were wealthy as well told us to just go on welfare and move to public housing.

 

What I'm most upset about now that I'm older that during my whole childhood my whole extended family would make fun of us because we were poor and treat us like were pathetic. Make fun of our furniture, neighborhood, etc..My aunt would throw it in my moms face how much money she has and would laugh and say "dont you want to live here instead of the ghetto"? As an adult they always look at me with pity in their face no matter how well i was doing to improve my life. nothing made them respect me. All her sons(my cousins) all treat me like her as well, like she told them how poor we are.

 

At the same time, my rich aunt forced my Mom to caretake for my grandmother at a nursing home while my aunt was retired and had nothing to do. Because of that my Mom could not go to college to get a better income for her job. My aunt knew it and did not care.

 

Also the aunt always puts down everything i try to do good for myself like going to college, she puts down everything i want to major in and says its dumb, she says studying advertising is idiotic and i will wind up in the gutter with a degree like that,, she says my idea to try modeling is dumb, that when i'm older i will be fat just like her, that I'm 25 and and an old woman and its too late to find a husband because I'm too old, etc....She did not even go to college..

Funny thing is I have worked with highly successful people who all like me and have told me I am very talented and smart and I have great ideas.

 

I dont want anything to do with my Aunt or any of these people anymore. Is what they did abuse?? I think it is. My sister tells me no one is obligated to give anyone money whos over 18 not even parents so I should not be mad that no one helped my Mom, i think shes wrong.

[lessy20]

The best revenge you can get on them is to go on with life and prove them all wrong. Was it wrong or rude that they did not help? Yes. Should they have? Yeah, probably. But it's not abuse. Why not get away from these people? You're an adult, you don't have to deal with them anymore. Go on with your own life and be successful and prove them all wrong.

[Gracelove]

Don't listen to the negative things your Aunt says to you, I'm sure you're doing well for yourself.

Your sister is right about your family not being obligated to give you money.

I know I had to learn that lesson as well.

I never expected anyone to give my money except my parents. I think we naturally expect to our parents to take care of us (afterall, that's their job). They always gave me what I needed and more. They've recently cut back an awful lot on things they do for me.

I had to realize that there comes a time when every person has to take care of themselves, even if you don't feel in a position to do so.

It sounds like you're more hurt about the treatment you've received from your family as opposed to feeling entitled to their money.

It can really hurt when someone puts you down or belittles you.

Your economic status doesn't determine the type of character you are.

You have to believe that you're a beautiful person inside, and the family that ridiculed you are the ones with the real problems.

It's obvious you carry a lot of pain, maybe therapy would help.

Maybe you shouldn't focus on them anymore. You'll feel soooo much better. The pain will still be there but you can deal with that separately.

At least you won't have to think about them anymore.

It's so sad that your family didn't reach out to your mother.

You were subjected to rape and abuse?!!!!! I'm sorry very sorry!

I can totally relate to that aspect of your life.

So I think you probably just have a lot of hurt and pain anyway and you're focusing on your estranged family. What about the people who raped and abused you??? Were they family members as well?

That could play a big part.

[SarahRose]

Do these people serve any benefit to your life at all?

 

If not, cut them out and don't look back.

 

The Aunt obviously didn't earn the money but married it.

 

Sure nobody was obligated to give your mum money but when they are giving to other family members and not her it doesn't seem quite right either.

 

Don't share your life or dreams with these people.

 

Cut them out.

[prettydance]

Thank You everyone for the advice, i felt that they were family and i was in a trap for a long time thinking they cared about me.. I was raped by some men in my neighborhood. I was able to get through that on my own as well as other awful obstacles.. What hurt me most was when I did graduate with my bachelors. at my party my cousin told me my degree is worth nothing and i am not a hard worker. he also strarted making fun of very badly..Hhe had no idea about my work at all at the time.. My whole family was there and no one said anything to him, i went to cry in the bathroom. It was like a party to put me down and put me in "my place".. Before the party I felt so happy, a victim of rape and poverty going forward in life and he crushed that for me, made me feel like a victim.. I worked so hard in college, also had to battle flashbacks and depression from being raped.

Also at x-mas time he throws things at me from accross the room to be mean and hes 53 years old.

They all acted like nothing happened. No matter what I do they put it down,, i feel like they want me to be unhappy and poor forever.. that is what hurts me most, Grace is right.

I have been dealing with my rapes alot and thought of how it could have been prevented. No one took care of me as a child, i was alone at age 10 and on because of my mothers jobs and she was taking care of my grandmother most of the time..no one in my family ever offered to see me or visit, even take me out for 1 day.. I feel if i had an adult looking out for me it could have been avoided. Another reason why i want them out of my life.

 

They act like they are so close with me, saying "i love you, i miss you, " etc.

To me it was all an act.

[Gracelove]

Oh my gosh girl!!!! I can totally relate. I'm still dealing with depression because of the rape, and post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety disorder, LOL!!!

 

Soooooooo many!!! Too many actually. And I can relate to flashbacks too. Although I haven't really had any lately.

 

I don't really think about the rapist or the accomplice anymore. But I'm soooo sensitive about things. About anything having to deal with me.

 

Like when people say they're concerned about me, it makes me really uncomfortable. I stopped taking medicine for the disorders a while ago.

 

Anywho, I can't believe, I don't know.....you haven't gotten any help for the rape??!!!

 

I've sought some help, but right now I'm not seeing anybody and I'm so terrified that the depression and everything will ruin my life.

 

It's like you can't bury stuff like that, it eventually takes over. Aren't you concerned about that???

 

I'm so sorry, to be violated by multiple people has to be difficult.

 

It's okay if you didn't get your bachelor's degree, you're a survivor!!! That's what you should be most proud of.

 

I can totally relate to the college degree thing too. If I wouldn't have come home to get some counseling I wouldn't have finished school.

 

At this point, the whole school thing seems so trival to me. I guess it's because surviving trauma is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

You should be very proud of yourself.

 

And seek help, I know I'll be getting another therapist within the next month.

 

Because I know from experience (things I've gone through prior to rape), that things like this will over take you if you don't take the time to address them.

One day you'll be going alone just fine, and the next day you'll be paralyzed, and you'll find yourself having a mental breakdown. It's the most horrible thing to experience. You won't be able to work, or leave your house or anything. It realllllllly sucks! Trust me.

 

Anywho, you sound like you're doing just fine. Your cousin must be jealous of you. Why else would he waste his time trying to bring you down at your own party. My question is......Why did he even come?

[Aleadragonhawk]

Get rid of your family. Now. They are actively seeking to hurt you. It's hard, but take the steps to protect yourself from the hostile situation that they put you in. Your degree does not mean nothing. You are NOT worthless. They do NOT have the right to treat you badly. They do NOT have the right to call you names. And you DO have the right to tell them to get the hell out of your life and never come back.

[isisastaria]

WHY WHY WHY would you invite any of these people to your party? They aren't your family. Family can be a group of friends or neighbors that care for each other and support each other. I think this is what you need to find.

[Iceman26]

Personally I'd tell them all off and been done with them. They aren't bringing you anything but grief and life is too short to put up with people that only try to kick you down.