I know why the caged bird sings?

[fnlyfrei]

Newly engaged, set to be married in like...three months and a few weeks. I just got home from an evening at the pub that I have been going to for like...six years with my girlfriend...(whom I do not see very often now that I am in a relationship) My fiance saw his mate early this week by himself..and...I was invited out by my friend. The problem is, I realize that from now on...I cannot just go out and have fun without being accountable to someone anymore. I need to call, check in...frankly...I do not know if I like it. I don't mean that I want to flirt, see anyone else...yadda yadda...I meant, just go out with my girlfriends and be silly. I feel like I am 15 years old again and I broke curfew. (he and I are not living together yet...but I did promist to call when I was on my way home..) It was later than expected. He did not seem too happy with me. Do I need to even try to explain myself or apologize? I am a bit confused.

[spunkmaster]

I get that too with my fiancee! I was actually kinda wondering the same thing. I think it's partially because they just worry and want what is best for us. That's what I'm hoping anyways!

[GQstatus]

I say it depends on what "later than expected" was. If we're talking hours later, yeah I think you need to explain yourself.

 

If it was just an hour or so, I don't see what the big deal is. What does "he did not seem too happy with me" entail?

[arwen]

Hey,

 

I think that it's fairly normal to have to get used to these things. I think it's good to discuss this with him, as soon as possible. Because I think that it is not such a big deal as long as you communicate (otherwise this could lead to a huge annoyance and you not being able to enjoy a night out with the girls!). I think that sometimes it's good to just say 'I'll call when I am at home, and if it's late I will just send you a text'. If calling in makes you feel suffocated, it's good to discuss your boundaries now that they are showing up. He has his own social life as well, right? Just ask him how he feels about calling and agreeing on times to come home. Maybe he feels the same and the two of you got into a habit that doesn't agree with either of you.

 

Arwen

[EvaGina]

personally I dont see what is so hard about sending a text saying "on my way home now, had a great night, cant wait to see you tomorrow... x."

it doesnt have to be a big deal at all.

[caro33]

You may well even feel better about this by now, but I just wanted to say to try not to sweat it. I think it's fine and normal when you're engaged to have moments of fear of independence lost, but if you're marrying someone who is right for you you should be able to negotiate this. Even if you need to have some big discussion about this now, you may well find it's not that big a deal and you can work out something for the future.

 

I had some concerns like you did but found they were groundless in reality. Being married has not been the complete loss of independence I was afraid it would be. Have some faith .

 

There's no reason why you can keep going out once you're married, and in fact it's a useful safety valve anyway to have that kind of time apart. I agree with the others - maybe just be clearer about expectations up front and try and do your best to contact. He'll be okay.