When a girl act like a girlfriend: Guys, please tell me what you think!

[blueberrypie]

I'm becoming friends with a guy I have crush on. He came to my birthday party last week and I was too excited about it that I ended up acting like I was his girlfriend.(for example: He was leaving early but our mutual friends didn't let him go--they took his keys away from him, they said he had to give me massage before he left--he had to promise to come back to leave the party. Later when he came back I asked for massage. He was drawing one of the guy and I asked him to draw me.) Now I'm worried that it might have turned him off. He did everything I asked, but it's just him. I don't think he is capable of saying 'no' to a girl. But part of me wanted him to know that I'm interested in him more than as a friend. Should I stop doing it and just wait till he makes his move, or should I keep expressing my feelings to him? I want him to know my feeling, but I don't want to scare him off by showing my feeling too fast either.

[Batya33]

Do you want him to know your feelings or do you want to know whether he likes you? My guess is it is the latter - you are expressing your feelings for the purpose of getting a response or reaction from him, right? Not a great idea - it puts him on the spot because you are not dating and don't know each other well enough. Give him the space and time to get to know you at a reasonable pace and allow him to court you. You've made it obvious by your behavior that you are attracted to him - so why not leave the ball in his court?

[Alabama]

If you showed more signs you were interested in him, would he put pick up on body language? If he does, then just show him, that way he would know and might feel as nervous or shy to ask you out; other than that, I see nothing wrong in waiting to see if he asks you out.

[caro33]

Agree with Batya - why not take it easy and see how things go. That way, if he's interested in you he gets to feel like it's something he chooses, rather than falling into line with what you might want.

 

Do you have another occasion to see him soon? Are there often times with a gang of friends when you get to see him?

[CaptainPlanet]

Keep doing what you are doing it is normal. He might pick up on it and he may ask you out if he does.

[quietgrl]

blueberrypie,

 

The answer to your question is going to depend on some things.How old is this guy,how long have you've know your crush and does this guy like women who play dating games or not. Some men don't like a women to chase them or ask them out first period and some men do want a woman to chase them and ask them out. I wouldn't play games to find out, which type of man your crush wants in a woman.

 

You're going to get alot of advice on this topic.Some women will say don't ask a man out you might scare him away but that's game playing.You want something go get it(date with a guy) and if you don't get it, move on. Some women need to realize if a man wants you, he will do almost anything to date you so if asking a man out on a date scares him off.He didn't want you in the first place and move on.A man who knows what he wants isn't scare of no woman asking him out but a man who doesn't know what he wants will be scared.

[Batya33]

I don't think it is game playing to allow a man to court you. It is simply being warm, friendly and approachable but letting the man do the initial asking for a date which many men (age group - mid 20s and up) are far more comfortable with than having the woman take that away from them. It's not a question of scaring the man away, it's a question of potentially making him uncomfortable. It is playing a game if you pretend not to be interested and then expect the man to ask you out.

 

In the OPs case she has behaved very aggressively in asking for a massage and making all sorts of requests so there is no question that he knows she is interested in dating or at least in fooling around. Asking him out in this case would be over-kill in my opnion.

[quietgrl]

Batysa,

 

We have to be honest again to our fellow women.A woman is playing a game when she's not honest with telling her true feeling to a man.Blueberrypie wants to be more then a crush to this man.I don't understand why is she hiding these feeling .We all know some men want to be chased and some men don't.It's not a woman job to "change " her behavoir just so she can get a man to date her. A man who wants you is not going to care if you ask him out first or had feeling for him first. A man who doesn't want you or loves playing dating games will care about these things. Some Women need to be themselves and if a man is scared off by you asking him out first, move on or play the "let me wait for the man to show his feeling first" game.

[Batya33]

Most women find it very hard to be themselves when they are smitten. Instead of being themselves, they feel insecure and needy or vulnerable or all three. thereforeeee, it helps in order to avoid overhwelming a man with all your "feelings" when he doesn't know you well at all yet, to be warm, friendly and approachable but to avoid hanging all over him or being needy because that is not being yourself, that is being a smitten kitten who is overwhelmed with feelings and insecurities. People change their behavior all the time to make someone else feel comfortable. It's not dishonest or game playing - it's considerate and thoughtful - other-centered.

 

It is not being dishonest to be self protective with a man you don't know well. Honesty and openness are two different things. If I choose to share feelings, I have to be honest with what I share. But if I choose not to be open until I believe the man is worthy of knowing how I feel - until I can trust him - that is not dishonest, it is being honest with myself that I am not ready to be vulnerable with this person I don't know. Whoever said that to be honest, we have to spill our guts to anyone we meet? I think it's selfish to spill your guts to a near stranger because it often puts him/her on the spot and doesn't give him/her time to get to know you. It's overwhelming and unfair not "honest."

 

many men I know are flattered by being asked out but I know of no men (age late 20s and up) who get serious with a woman who did most of the intitiating, calling and pursuing in the beginning. You have to let a person - whether man or woman - have the space and time to get to know you even if you have strong feelings. it's selfish to subject a new person in your life to all your "feelings" rather than allowing him or her to take their time getting to know you and evaluating. I have been turned off by women who told me their life stories in the first 5 minutes - obviously they liked me or saw a friendly face but didn't stop to think that maybe a stranger might be overwhelmed. Similarly, when I act warm, friendly and approachable, but permit a man to ask me out for a date early on, I give him the time and space to approach me and to do what is comfortable for him. I would feel overwhelmed if someone I didn't know well was too open with all his feelings right off the bat.

 

In any event it's worked very well for me - most men treat me with respect and like a lady - likely because I treat them with respect right back. My boyfriend enjoyed doing most of the asking, initiating and planning in the beginning and now, over a year later, he still enjoys being the man - he likes helping me on with my coat, carrying heavy packages, planning fun things for us to do (although these days we basically participate equally in making plans - we're not dating as much as we're a committed couple), etc. It would be selfish of me to take that away from him and it wouldn't be me - I'm a traditional woman.

 

What about you? Has asking out men resulted in long term happy relationships for you? What about being honest as you say and telling someone you just met all your feelings for him? What has the reaction been? What has the result been?

[ghost69]

see if he would just give you $20..not borrow, give. if he does, he likes you.

[blueberrypie]

thank you all for the reply. Just to clarify things, the massge thing didn't come out of blue. People talked about it first, and he gives massage to people pretty often(mostly to women who are already in a serious relationship).

I must agree with Batya on that I'm not myself when I'm smitten. But the people we are hanging out with are pretty touchy, so I would have asked a guy to give me a massage if I wasn't interested in him because I wouldn't have worried about sending an obvious signal, and that's why I asked him to give me massage. Because I thought that it would be weird if I didn't.

 

caro33: I've known him for 7 months for now. We've seen each other almost every week with lots of other people. But now we are going to see each other once a week just two of us(more business kind of meeting), and once a week with lots of other people.

 

ghost69: you are joking, right?

[ghost69]

yeah i was.

 

just ask him out. see if he gets smitten.