What are the chances

[kiama]

sorry all for asking so many questions i just need to know.

 

what are the chances of a dumper falling for the dumpee again.

 

if they were definitely still sexually attracted to the person?

 

if they see the dumpee out and she/he is looking fantastic, and has lost lots of weight - and if the dumpee was a girl - was wearing makeup like she never had done before - and sexy dresses which she had never done before....

 

and for instance if the dumpee was a guy, and had had his hair cut and was looking hotter than ever... could that make the dumper change his mind.

 

if the dumpee was acting like she/he was the happiest person in the world, and getting lots of attention from the opposite sex? if the dumper saw all this could that change things? or would the dumper not be bothered? could the dumper just ignore it?

[Semid]

Kiama, I am sorry you have to go through all this.

We all fantasize with a new situation that revereses everything that we are passing through, but it is just that - a Fantasy.

 

He left you, he kiked you and in spite that now you are incapable of seing it, he has made you a great favour.

 

Go and try to lose weight look hot and wonderful, but for another man. This one is not worth it honey.

[sweetheart607]

No. Just no. Always be you. If they don't want you for everthing u r then you don't need them. Easier said than done but why be with someone who doesn't want the u, u really are?

[Grosse vache]

The dumper would probably want to have sex with you.

 

And then kick you in the face again.

 

So I don't advise losing weight to get him back. I advise losing weight to lose weight and that's it.

[Honey Pumpkin]

It's the most satisfying fantasy in the world, and that's fine to help you through this - to look gorgeous, be laughing and beautiful, so irresistible he has to want you there and then. BUT try twisting the fantasy - you look that good, he's on his knees crying wanting you back, and instead you swan off with Daniel Craig (Johnny Depp, George Clooney, insert whoever you like!) who treats you like a goddess. Isn't THAT even more satisfying?

 

If it helps you to get through the dark bits, then fine. But no, I think you're worth a zillion times more, and I don't think you would even want him back. But do focus on you, making the most of yourself, being the happiest, most fulfilled young woman you can be, that is a great ambition!

 

Good luck.

[annie24]

I'd give it less than a 2% chance. I agree with HP, the more satisfying fantasy is that you meet some new fabulous person who doesn't let you slip away! In the end, if they broke up with you, it's because there was something about the relationship wasn't right. if they are shallow enough to want you back when you are 15 pounds lighter, and have a new haircut, doesn't it mean that they weren't really into YOU?

[blender]

The biggest mistake we can make after a break up is to do things to "hopefully provoke some response from an ex"... sure it can be a nice "motivator" but only do these self improvemnt things for YOURSELF.. not for him, not for another man, do it for YOU... respect and cherish your own heart, mind and body just the way they are, and you will then attract the "right" kind of wonderful, respectful man who will cherish you as well.

 

Once a man hits you, or any shows any kind of emoitonal, verbal or physical abuse, it's time to make a choice to leave him... you are leaving him, not the other way around. He's going nowhere fast, because no matter who he is with, there HE is.... running into himself over and over again... he's emotional unstable and dangerous, YOU can NOT cure him of this, no one can, he can only do so for himself, and for right now, he's NOT doing so....

 

do NOT make the mistake of "justifying his behavior" because you are thinking you "provoked it".. if you had the power to make him "hit you", then you would have the power to make him "love you".. WRONG, the FACT is YOU are powerless over him and his "weakness/illness/dis-EASE within himself. the way he CHOOSES to behave has nothing to do with you..it's HIM, it's the way HE is...

 

Keep and respect your precious sense of self, and get away from him... go to link removed perhaps it will help you re-gain some much needed perspective. You are precious, worthy, and beautiful, and no man can validate it, OR take that away from you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

This is just a variation of the 'if i'm a good little girl, Daddy will love me' fantasy.

 

This guy doesn't love you becuase he is a lazy, self centered, violent jerk, not because you were a bad girl who didn't act or look the way you wanted.

 

You could transform yourself into movie star gorgeous, and he will still be who he is, and will still treat you badly whenever he is in the mood, becuase of who HE is, not who YOU are.

 

It is excellent that you want to work on yourself to make yourself feel better, but don't do it with him as the focus. Learn to love yourself, and find someone who will deserve you and the good things you offer, not this guy who is a jerk.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with the others. And the nice twist to the fantasy (in my own head), has been to get yourself feeling fantastic and ravashing, only to have him come droolin' and making a jerk of himself....so you can have your final

"I do not want you."

 

hahaha. I was lucky enough to be able to say it to someone who showed cruelty right on the spot. He gave a perfect opening, so I told em "You don't have a say anymore. I do not want you."

 

But you can do that now. And the sooner the better. Believe me, it is sooo satisfying to decide, on your own, that you no longer want that person in your life.

 

And if he hasn't provided an opportunity to tell him to "Get out and stay out of my life", you can just say it outloud to yourself and the ones who care about you.

 

I did it lots. It's very liberating.

[Hope75]

It's not likely.

 

And in your case my hope is that he never takes you back. I know that sounds harsh, but someone who kicks you and beats you up has no place in your life... and someday soon I hope you will begin to realize that too.

 

(although I think part of you knows that already and is just afraid to admit and accept it.)

[kiama]

maybe i just want to reject him... i dont know. i sent a good few texts this morning to him - i know i should not have, but you get to a point where you think 'what do i have to loose', no? well i am at that point... so i sent him messages this morn...

 

i had no reply until 'late this evening saying 'i do remember the good times we had, but that is in the past, im sorry kiama, but its over.'

 

you know what.... i didnt burst out crying... i thought *mod edit* him. i felt a lot of anger. - always scared to show too much anger cos that would ruin our chances in the future, but i felt it.

 

i sent a reply saying 'ok then, that means we cant be friends, cos if were friends you risk the chance of changing how you feel with me....

 

he sent a reply about an hour later saying, 'u never know what wil happen. when you sort out your life and get better........'

 

anyway... i did not and will not respond to this.....

 

ii went out with a friend tonight and she is so lovely, i love her! - she really listened to me and gave her opinion. she is so full of bubbly energy, that i had to smile, and i did have fun with her... (although she is on PROZAK for depression......)

 

shes just so lovely. i really think shes helped me a little to get over it all. im not crying anymore... touchwood..... i may be tomorrow.... but im at a point where i think that ive accepted hes not interested... and im angry about that....

 

dunnno.....

[annie24]

yeah, don't respond to those texts. geez! i am glad you had a good time with your friend, that is definitely the way to go. keep healing!