Whats wrong with my Ex. Girlfriend?

[crimson k.]

My ex girlfriend cheated on me with a guy from her work recently. She is one of those girls that if there is something lacking in the relationship she’ll not feel “loved” and she began looking elsewhere. She cheated on her boyfriend before me twice because of he wasn’t paying enough attention to her. Also, she is an attention seeker where she fakes being sick so people can be all over her, and she is very insecure(also, she even began “seeing” ghosts). She even told me that she has always had a boyfriend for the past five years. She would ask me why I loved her every now and then even though I clearly showed it by telling her verbally, and through my actions.

I always knew in the back of my mind that if I wasn’t good enough for her she would leave me, and she would always promise me that she wouldn’t. Right after we broke up, I wanted to take her back, but to my surprise she insisted that she didn’t want to(was confused). Then I figured out she had been talking to this guy at her work that knew her from the past and he became her boyfriend within one month. I found out that they go out all the time and are all over each other(kissing). I also know that when she finds out the flaws in this guy she will become distraught from him and look for someone else, I just know it. Also, I was the best boyfriend she ever had in her whole life because I put her on a big pedestal(did so many special things together).

I have a couple of questions, did she most likely leave me because she has a history of cheating and because she was selfish and didn’t consider my feelings(maybe wanted to feel new love)? Also, what happens to girls like that who stay with their bf for about a year then quickly find a new guy every so often and automatically start having a good times with them, ie. Kissing, holding hands, eventually sex to feel that she’s loved? What kind of problem does she have?(psychological condition) Right now, she tries to act like I never existed and she didn’t even tell me she was cheating. I found out on my own. Also, may she realize what she lost was really good when the good times end with her new boyfriend and perhaps may want to talk to me again or will she keep leaching off of a new guy in a never ending cycle? What kind of problem is that attention seeker thing she had going on too?(seeing ghosts, faking being sick). How bad her was her insecurity? Could she be thinking about me while out with this guy as in comparing the things I did for her (she always told me I was the most romantic guy ever)? I dropped all contact with her when I found out she went out on a date with him. Thanks for any replies, just trying to understand things better

[Semid]

There are pleople who cant' be whithout a relationship. men or women... I know a few of them. Is is not your fault... she has problem, and need professional help.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

Hug

[lunatic]

I have to say why ask why?

 

You NEED TO LEAVE HER NOW!! Don't look back EVER!!!

 

I had an ex like that and she broke my heart in high school and eight years later we hooked up again. Then she broke my heart again!

 

Your ex sounds a lot like my ex and I tell you from my experiences you HAVE TO GET OUT OF HER LIFE NOW!!!!

[macgyver4ever]

I agree with Debrita.

 

My ex and your ex are about the same. My ex had a history of cheating, but always claimed it wasn't cheating because of loophole excuses. If someone wants to cheat, they will find a reason. Either they aren't getting enough attention or they search for flaws.

 

My ex made a bad mistake and cheated on me. It was an accident and I forgave her, but she never forgave herself. I did not treat her as good after this happened and she found someone who made her feel special. We've only been apart a few short weeks and she is already is a serious relationship with a coworker she had been seeing behind my back.

 

You hit it on the head. Insecurity is a big issue, and there may be some commitment issues as well. My ex felt so sad and guilty around me that she spending time with me was miserable, even though I know she still loves me to this day. She has fun with this new guy, and he lets her do whatever she wants. No boundaries. That is what she feels like she needs right now so I have to let her go.

 

She treated me so bad that I could probably never take her back. Understand that you may have had something to do with her cheating, but is mainly her problem. It is better you found out now than in the future.

 

Stay strong, and realize that the pain and anger will go away. It's only been 17 days since we called it quits for good, and I am doing great. Live for yourself.

[crimson k.]

I stopped all contact with her and its been five days. I will never take her back. We had shared so many great memories and we were always together. It just shocked me when i found out she moved on so quickly. Macgyver you are right on everything especially the part in which they just want to be free and have fun.(no boundaries). I found that out because my cousin talks her friend. When she found out i knew she went on a date with that guy, she stopped contacting me, and then i was told by my cousin that she knew it would break my heart for her to tell me the truth. my ultimate goal though, is for her to realize in time that i would probably be the best guy for her, because i never took advantage of her like her past bf did and due to all the good and romantic memories we had. In a way, i want her to comeback to me and face me, but i would never take her back because of what she did, i would be an idiot if i did. Would she ever want to talk to me again and remmeber me?

[Zaphod]

I had an ex like that and she broke my heart in high school and eight years later we hooked up again. Then she broke my heart again!

 

ewwwwww....... nasty..... poor old you.

[lunatic]

ewwwwww....... nasty..... poor old you.

 

 

Well it was the same situation with her. Both times she had another guy in the wings when she told me she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I can totally relate to the OP of this thread.

[Zaphod]

Well it was the same situation with her. Both times she had another guy in the wings when she told me she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I can totally relate to the OP of this thread.

 

Yeah that's a particular "type" definitely - a particular "model" - I had one of those a few years ago - always needs to overlap relationships......

[Semid]

Red flags, Crimson. Red Flags.

If she cheated on you and you forgiveh her she will get the message that cheating is ok with you, and will keep on cheating and giving a thousand excuses for cheating and so on.

 

You deserve better.

[macgyver4ever]

She'll remember you, trust me. Everything she is doing now, rushing into a new relationship, and going out, are ways to keep from thinking about you. The grass is always greener to some people, and it will take her a few months to realize what she has lost.

 

I'm ashamed to admit I am the same with you. I spoke with my ex last night for the first time since we ended it. I implement "The Perfect Plan Mach II" which is used to make your ex feel insecure with herself and her decision to leave you. I told her she was right about the break up, that we had not been happy for awhile. I was disappointed we couldn't work things out but I know that if I was the only one willing to do it, then this was for the best. I then told her I wanted to be friends, and I know it will take time, but I will always be there for her if she needs someone to talk to or advice. This made her cry, because I was so nice. I was also very happy and upbeat, and made it seem as if I had no problem moving on without her.

 

This will make her think. I hope she tries to come back to me so I can say "NO" just like you. I want her to realize I treated her like gold for 4 years, and this is how she repays me? I don't think so.

 

If you talk to her stay upbeat and positive. Make it seem that you have moved on and she will realize how strong you are. Confidence is attractive.

 

At least your ex is only dating. My ex has already tried to introduce her new boy to her family, but her parents love me and said NO. So now she is moving out. She is already in debt and bought a laptop this week because it was something I told her she didn't need, because she doesn't. She always thought she should get what she wanted, and now she can. Let's see all the trouble she will cause.

 

best of luck

[crimson k.]

yes, macgyver you speak the truth. Its been five days without any contact and we were best friends before it went down the gutter. She went back to becoming best friends with one of her old girl friends ( i guess for emotional support since that was my job). I noticed that she wanted me to feel worthless over her because the day after we broke up i went out with an old friend of mind, and she tripped out on me. "i guess youre having so much fun wothout me" kinds of comments. I sounded all happy and she got mad at me for that and she said more sarcastic comments. She is such a hypocrite because she was out having dinner with her family. She actually called me to check up on me because i was at car show at the time. When do you think i should call her and say the whole speech in which you sound very happy to get her thinking? Where did you read about that PErfect plan Match II?

[macgyver4ever]

Here is the link to "The Perfect Plan Mach II"

 

 

 

What I did wasn't nice. It was really kinda toying with her emotions, and I have no idea what it will do. It could make her realize what she has done or it push her over the edge (although she doesn't have much further to fall.)

 

Focus on yourself. Have fun, enjoy being single, and read "It's Called a Break up Because it's Broken." It's for girls, but it helped me.

 

I'm happy she is thinking about me again, but at the same time I am thinking about her, so what good did it really do myself? I can't expect her to ever want to come back. She's too proud and stubborn to admit she was wrong, and she has already put me through hell. She doesn't want to hurt me anymore.

 

Our best bet is to move on. Our happiness is revenge enough. Our ex's will have to deal with the guilt of what they have done for the rest of their lives, and will someday realize what they have lost. It will hurt them more in the long run.

[heloladies21]

So many different reasons why she loses interest in any of the other guys, but in your case she felt as if you weren't being honest with your feelings. Think about it, I'm sure she wasn't 100% perfect before she cheated on you, but it doesn't sound like you ever confronted her on any of her BS. Like if you got upset or jealous, you would just put on a happy face and let it slide. Always putting her up on a pedestal, even when she didn't deserve it.

 

She had a reason to doubt how honest you were being with her, so start showing some of your negative emotions so girls don't think you're being fake.

[crimson k.]

I thank you all for your help and opinions. Overall, i have the feeling she'll always remember me because of the great things i did for her.Right now she may be having a great time at first, but ill most likely find out when that guy pulls his nails out because my cousin talks to her friend. She most likely has some kind of problem by shifting through boyfriends every so often. I just feel bad for her in a way and wish that she could rely on me for help, but she has moved on. I would never take her back because it tore my heart up due to what she did. I think about the good times we had, but i too have been looking at other women lately. Ive had days to think about my situation and came to the conclusion that she was just being selfish to just pretend im not alive anymore like she did. im 21 and there are some nice looking gals that i could meet and become friends with that ive seen when i go run errands. This experience will most likely make me stronger in the sense where ill be more persistent in confronting my gf when i see soemthing wrong. To heloladies, i did talk about my problems with her but she would always deny it so over time i wouldnt say anything to her. Thanks guys and gals

if anyone else has anything to say , please chime in

[macgyver4ever]

You've got the right attitude to make through this. I've realized I needed to let go of the anger in order to keep the memories we had together intact. The way she treated me during the break up was ruining our history, and I couldn't let that happen. I want to look back and smile, realizing it was a great time in my life, and a learning experience. I hope you can do the same one day.

 

I tried everything to help my ex figure out her problems including relationship counseling. There she received a lot of individual help in addressing her ambivalence, but it was all too late. Someday our exs will hit rock bottom, but until then they will not fully realize what they are losing.

 

Enjoy being single for awhile. Meeting new girls is fun, and you will learn a lot about yourself in the process.

[devast]

I had an ex like that... long ago...different from my recent ex...cheated me first time still forgave her and took her back... cheated on me second time put her out of my life...The reason I took her back first time is that i believe "I really loved her" and I can change her coz she just needed me (co I thought it was kinda my fault I wasn't paying her much attention)...But when she did it second time I thought she needs help psychologically... I can help her maybe someday when I don't hate her for what she did to me..

 

its been 8 years, I guess, we have some contacts on/off.. but I really can feel that she haven't changed a bit... attention seeker... insecure.. can't say anything without mixing it with a lie (big/small).. Sometimes when I talk to her (I lost all my feelings for her this time), I would say "you haven't changed"...sometimes "i don't understand you anymore right now, you talk fast and goes from one topic to another and so disorganised"...Honestly, all this 8 years she had begged to come back to me so many times... And I always say "NO"... coz I don't see her ever realized what she was doing...I Even suggested her this website recently, but she seemed not interested...

 

This kind of people mostly had lack of attention during childhood.. especially at home... Woman like this needed their fathers or brothers love and attention when they were child... They didn't get it so they try to find it from others...if you failed to show it constantly to them..they'll try find it from another..

 

If they don't realize it by themselves... You don't need them.. they will just hurt you again and again... You can't be a hero and think you can change them if they can't seem to understand what they are doing...

[crimson k.]

Good post Devast, you sound like you were in my situation!! My ex gf does need help because she cheated twice on her ex bf before me, I knew about the first time she cheated wehn i met her and the second one i found out when i was with her after 3 months and i became so scared of her. she promised she woulndt hurt me. Around the first time i was dating her i also found out she had a thing for my cousin too, but he liked someone else so she backed off. The thing is with her, she doesnt care WHO the guy is(could be anyone regardless of looks), if that guy pays attention to her and she wants that "freedom" of a new love shell go for it. She wants to feel loved. Hasnt been without a boyfriend for the past 4 years. She tells lies every so often, little lies mostly, but what would stop her from lying about bigger things which she later did. She never lacked attention when she was little though. IN fact, it was the opposite. Her parents spoiled her badly. They gave her what she wanted to eat, bought her everything, and they ask her if shes "ok" "how she is feeling", her parents, strangers, and parents friends are alway all over her.Her parents still treat her like she is nine, but she has her own personal space from them at times. She has very good looks, natural red hair, almost perfect smile, bright eyes. She is an attention seeker, that got attention like crazy her whole life. IT eventually went to her head. in her mind she once told me, she thinks she is ugly and beautiful at times.

[Gracelove]

Wow, it sounds like she's running from something. I think she has an obession with starting a new.

I think she's terrified of being alone and getting to know herself. She probably has many things she's ashamed of.

 

I also think that she probably doesn't want to be with a person if she feels they know her to well. Or if she believe they notice her flaws.

She's afraid of being close to someone.

 

Maybe something bad happened to her long ago.

 

Cheating is a way for her to scope her next relationship, while still being involved with someone (without being alone).

 

I guess she feels that without the unconditional attention of others, she's worthless. thereforeeee she's attempting to find self-worth in the eyes of others (which isn't possible).

 

She's damaged, and obviously hasn't taken the time to know herself. So she's depending on others to show her who she is, to a certain extent. She only wants to know her positives. Which is why she thrives in the "new love" arena. Hugging, kissing, flirting, mindless happiness, floating off of pleasant emotions.

 

She would have to have a lot of therapy before she could actually be anyone's long-term mate.

[comfyshoes]

Gracelove!

Do you know my ex girlfriend because you just wrote about her.

I think she may have a histrionic personality.

Beats me how people can be like that.

 

shoes

[devast]

Gracelove... What you posted brings me fear right now.... Coz my recent ex wouldn't really have second thoughts on coming back to me if she's the kind of woman you are describing...

 

I kinda feel she's someone who just wants to hear appreciations.. no contradictions to what she thinks and wants... I did the opposite coz I tried to make her know what is her negative side... Oh no!!!! well anyway if this is right... I ain't gonna be needing her back right?

 

So... Crimson... Do you still want your ex back? Forget it man...be thankful your out of her life... It will be so very painful if you're married to her..

[crimson k.]

(devast) no, i would never take her back because of what she did with that guy. Right now she is pretending i was never in her life even though i was there for her prom and winter dances, was with her for she gother drivers license, graduation party and any other big and small event of her life when her ex boyfriends just used her for sex and money. I feel used and cheated by her. but I would like her to just remember me when her new "relationship" blows up into the sky and that guy isnt there for her like i was and she MIGHT realize her mistake if she hasnt already cheated on that guy. Also, i would like her to come back and be my friend so she can see how happy i am without her, because its been 8 days now and i feel great, and there are plenty of fish in the sea without her insecurity/ mental probelms she has. That would be good!

[macgyver4ever]

So many girls with the same issues with insecurity and cheating.

 

My ex had a history of cheating, which worried me for the first 2 years of our relationship. I eventually let it go because she was so honest and sweet to me that I knew this was her past, and not a sign of what was to come. Boy was I wrong. The second things went bad and she got drunk and kissed my roommate, she started transforming back into that attention seeking insecure girl of her past.

 

I don't want that person in my life, but do miss the girl i fell in love with.

 

Being happy is the best revenge, but if my ex never knows of it I will be ok. I need to live for myself, because if I am only find happiness for revenge, then I am still living for her. THIS IS MY LIFE.

[savannahohsavannah]

I didn't see that you had told how old you both are? When a young woman or young man cheat on their SO, it can be simply a symptom of relationship immaturity. I suspect that is what this is. Next time, you will know that when someone cheated their way out of their former relationship, they will likely do that to you as well, and you won't go out with them. You will wait for another girl to come your way....

[savannahohsavannah]

Also, if I'm reading your posts correctly, your gf is still in hgh school, and you are an adult? That's asking for trouble right there! Even if you are only 21, when you discussed going to her proms and with her when she's getting her drivers license, well you do that in my state at 16. If you are 21 and she's 16, where on earth are her parents? To me I think you had too much of an age difference at the wrong time: i.e. one of you is an adult, and the other is still a child.

[crimson k.]

(savanna) there was just a two year age difference between us. I was born 12/26/1985 and she was born 12/5/1987. When i met her i was 20 and she was 18 and when we broke up she was 19 and i was 21. youre most likely right about that relationship immaturity thing.when i met her she had about 6 months of high school left and then she started going to the community college im going to, we had one class together and she stayed for two semesters before dropping out to raise money for a car. (macgyver) how long did it take for your ex to contact you (after you broke up)? did you do no contact which made her want to talk to you or....? ive gone 8 days already no contact, she hasnt tried anything, i know she is avoiding me because she knows how much it hurt me for what she did.