Whats the point of NC???

[rusloi]

what is the point of NC if all it does is make you unhappy and constantly ask what if?

 

wouldnt it be better to try one last meeting (after a small break) and get blazed then get on with it.

 

i only say this cos i have done NC now for 4weeks (6 depending on how u look at it) and feel worse than i did at the start...

 

i've tried moving on, goin out, changing direction....but nothing is working.

 

she was on msn last night and changed her online photo to a pic of herself (which she never used to) now it makes me wanna see and speak to her.

 

think im gonna send and email....

[HyruleGuardian]

Who broke it off with who in the relationship? I say if she broke it off with you, it's best to keep no contact going until she's ready to talk to you again. If not, then contact her when you're ready.

 

I know it's hard, but in time it'll work out.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am sorry about your breakup. Here is a link about NC that might be useful to you. Hang in there and stick around.

 

 

[lunatic]

Or you can read my thread about No Contact

 

 

[rusloi]

cheers...i understand the concept behind it but its not working

 

prob cos im clinging on to false hope.

 

me and my ex finished cos she "wanted space" and was always in a very bad mood as a result of stress from her final year studies and depression

 

now i hope i can meet her soon and chat but not about anything heavy and almost be like we were...or is that really a lost cause

 

i dont think i shud give up this easily

[MrCrazy2u]

take her off you msn list and keep going NC... it took me months to really get to the point where I had the strength to move on to better things

[papalazarou]

what is the point of NC if all it does is make you unhappy and constantly ask what if?

 

wouldnt it be better to try one last meeting (after a small break) and get blazed then get on with it.

 

i only say this cos i have done NC now for 4weeks (6 depending on how u look at it) and feel worse than i did at the start...

 

i've tried moving on, goin out, changing direction....but nothing is working.

 

she was on msn last night and changed her online photo to a pic of herself (which she never used to) now it makes me wanna see and speak to her.

 

think im gonna send and email....

 

 

A good idea or maybe ring her and ask for a meeting? At least it avoids the did they get the email/why have they not responded? Better send another one...

 

You are quite correct in what you say.

 

As Majord excellent thread will advise...by all means tell them that you want them to reconsider...give them that chance so they know you are open to reconciliation.

 

But if they say no then like you say get blazed and then get on with it by saying thank you, please dont contact me again unless you want to reconcile. The go NC (best if you dont tell them that you are).

 

I think on here we would advocate closure and it is needed because otherwise you will be thinking if only they knew I want to get back.

 

Basically cards on the table, then leave.

[drum4god]

cheers...i understand the concept behind it but its not working

 

prob cos im clinging on to false hope.

 

me and my ex finished cos she "wanted space" and was always in a very bad mood as a result of stress from her final year studies and depression

 

now i hope i can meet her soon and chat but not about anything heavy and almost be like we were...or is that really a lost cause

 

i dont think i shud give up this easily

 

Rusloi,

 

Would you feel any better if met up with her, and found out she is totally over you, and met someone new? What if she tells you, sorry I loved you, but i moved on. I am very happy with my new boyfriend. What is that going to feel like? I am not saying that is the case, but are you ready to handle that kind of news. If you feel that would help you move on, then contact her, but you can be setting yourself for more prolonged hurt.

 

Good luck

[rusloi]

why what have you heard?....has she got a new fella...only kidding

 

i know what ur saying...it would prob mess me up big time but then give me a final closure

 

right now i've been a zombie 2 months....and im so scared i will never get over her

 

every second i think about her and its making me poorly

[Honey Pumpkin]

For me, No Contact is spoken of a LOT here, sometimes perhaps too often. However, that said, a lot of people who post here are in horrible pain, and it is the right thing for them.

 

NC I think allows you to heal, and also gives you that dignity which you will be glad of in about 6 months. The memory of pleading/begging/stalking/crying etc is never a good one, whereas NC is easier to deal with!

 

It also gives you the space to get over someone, to get used to them just not being in your life. For it to work, I think it has to be NC in more than just contact, but deleting them from your life and thoughts. Easier said than done, believe me! But not seeing them online (delete and block), not having texts and emails, not having pictures around - all these let you move on.

 

I read a great challenge on 43 things, which was 'not contact him/her for 60 days'. That seemed good to me, because for every single person who did that, by the end of the 60 days they felt a LOT happier and more settled than people who lived from hope to hope, from brief phone call to text.

 

If you think one last meeting would help, then go for it. But then after that, it has to start again. You have to focus on yourself, and accept that for whatever reason, the relationship with your ex is over, and NOTHING you can do will bring them back. Absolutely nothing. The best you can do is focus on yourself and heal yourself.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting - break ups are incredibly tough.

 

Take good care!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think people are looking for a magic elixir one way or another to end their pain when they break up, but there is no one way that is exactly right for everyone.

 

the point of NC is to allow yourself time away from someone to heal and get perspective. but if you feel there is 'unfinished business' and you did not get the closure you need, then you need to do what it takes to keep you sane.

 

but plenty of people just use contact as a way of avoiding the reality that the relationship is over, and just extend their pain and fantasies about getting back together when there is no hope of that. contact just extends their time in limbo, and prevents them from getting on with their lives and finding new love and happiness.

 

but people with children or other shared issues (working together etc.) are required to see each other at specific times, so NC is not realistic for them.

 

so the challenge is to try to find a way to accept a breakup when there is really no hope left, or when the relationship is wrong or bad for you or the other person. that is when NC can be helpful, because you don't continue to feed the fire of false hopes and obsession via contact.

[devast]

The point of NC im to heal yourself... Are you healed? are you ready to see your ex? readiness means you expect nothing in return from your ex when you break NC and contact your ex... Otherwise, stay with NC...

 

"No expectations, No frustrations"...