Marriage- what does society really expect?

[chickidee23]

I am getting married in less than two weeks. I am so excited for it! However, I have noticed a sort of trend lately from people when I tell them what I think is fabulous news- the general remark is, "what are you thinking??????????" Why is it that society puts such pressure on us to get married but at the same time makes it seem like it's the biggest mistake everyone makes? Why has marriage become so casual to people instead of being the sacred unity it really is?

 

I just want to note that society's veiw of marriage does not affect how I feel about getting married- I just want to hear other people's takes on the concept of marriage and why the views on it have changed so drastically in the past 30-40 years.

[JoeWho]

Congratulations!!!

[renaissancewoman101]

I think nowadays people have such a casual outlook on marriage because divorce is so easily obtained and doesn't have the same stigma as in the years past. So now people dont seem to be as motivated to work through problems in a marriage as they once did before. Now, if things get too tough in a marriage, divorce seems to be the answer.

[Leonhart]

Congratulations!

 

Wish you guys all the best!!

 

Society is anti-marriage, in some respects because of the ever-high divorce rate. 50% of marriages end in failure in the U.S. That's crazy! Some people are anti-marriage because of anti-religious views, some because of the traditional gender roles, some simply because they are bitter because they can't find anyone.

 

Don't listen to them, and have a great life with your new husband!

 

Good luck and best wishes.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think it depends on which society you are referring to. i've read recently-I'll have to find it - that Americans are negative, over all. So if you're talking about American society, then in -line with that thing I read, it makes sense that negative things would be said......

 

When I was tellling people that I was getting married, I remember one guy asking me, "so...you're done having sex then?"

 

Sorry you're getting negative responses and comments. Just do your thing.

 

Best of luck to you bad CONGRATS!!

[shes2smart]

I think some of it depends on your age (if you're under, say 23 or 24, the perception would be you might be a bit too young) and some of it depends on what they've observed about your relationship (if, for example, a couple that argues in public a lot announces they're getting married, people they know might be a little less than optimistic about their chances.)

 

People's views are also clouded by their own experiences -- if they've lived through a nasty divorce (theirs or, say, their parents) they might have a more negative view of marriage than someone who is happily married.

 

If you are doing what you believe is right for you, then screw the naysayers. They're entitled to their opinions -- even on things that are none of their business -- and you are entitled to ignore them.

[caro33]

I'm not sure that society as a whole is anti-marriage. I agree with shes2smart - it may well come down to those specific people's perceptions of your young age, or jealousy or bitterness. Maybe you're just surrounded by the wrong people for this type of news, which is a shame.

 

Quite frankly I am surprised. I got married in October last year and everyone was all over me with excitement and it actually freaked me out . (Actually I did have one friend whose marriage had ended 18 months or so beforehand, and me telling her I was engaged actually ended the friendship - she wanted nothing more to do with me. Some people just have issues.)

 

Congratulations! I hope you both have a very happy day and a wonderful life together.

[annie24]

why are people giving you the negative remarks? are you very young?

 

It's funny how people don't make the "what are you thinking!?!?" comment when referring to a bad fashion choice or ordering some strange dish at a restaurant, but when you make major life decisions, everyone has an opinion.....

[sophie274]

I agree with caro and shes2smart. I assume from your name you're 23 (maybe I'm wrong)? Maybe it makes others nervous that you are getting married relatively young, and they are just projecting their own fears onto you. Don't listen to them.

 

I think it's usual (though not good) for people to project their feelings into situations. This guy at my college recently got married - he is in the sophomore class but is 21 - and he got married to a girl he had been dating for only 6 months. I have to admit: I was speechless and could not stop talking about it with some of my friends and about how much it freaked me out! I think marriage nowadays is a both a big deal and risky, so when people see someone take the plunge it brings out their own fears about marriage.

 

Congratulations! I hope you have both a wonderful wedding and a wonderful marriage!

[ghost69]

marriage is a joke to people these days. they do it to say they are, then they realize the mistake they made. not all though. it's not the good ole days when marriage was set in stone and divorce was unheard of.

[Scout]

That's a pretty dramatic remark for numerous people to be making. Is it possible they think you and your fiance are badly mismatched?

[ghost69]

how long together? you get along over 50% of the time?

[chickidee23]

Congratulations!!!

 

 

Thank you!!

[chickidee23]

I think some of it depends on your age (if you're under, say 23 or 24, the perception would be you might be a bit too young) and some of it depends on what they've observed about your relationship (if, for example, a couple that argues in public a lot announces they're getting married, people they know might be a little less than optimistic about their chances.)

 

I've read before, and I agree, that people who argue in public (not full on screaming matches or anything out of control or a constant happening dof course) is a good sign for a couple- it means they are comfortable enough with and respect each other enough to face a problem right away and not bottle up feelings.

[chickidee23]

Thank you all for all the congratulations and good wishes!! I am 23 and even though I know that is young, I don't feel young, at least not too young. There is nothing more I want in this life than to marry the one I've always dreamed of and have of babies and have a big, happy family of my own- my family and childhood were not the greatest. When people say, "what are you thinking?" they say it in more of a joking manner but I still don't understand why marriage is equal to doom these days. What's better to celebrate than the coming together of two people who really love each other and who can't envision their lives without one another??

[ghost69]

it is someone you dream of. that is true. key word 'dream'. lol

[assumeLove]

If the people asking "what are you thinking??????????" are happily married themselves, I'd take a good, long look at the person you're marrying.

 

If they're single, remember that your marrying says, "I don't want to be like you anymore." Be gentle with them.

 

If they're unhappily married or recently divorced, your decision to marry says, "I think I'll be better at this than you." Ask their advice on ways to avoid marriage problems other than not marrying, and you'll put the two of you back on a level playing field.

[Leonhart]

Thank you all for all the congratulations and good wishes!! I am 23 and even though I know that is young, I don't feel young, at least not too young. There is nothing more I want in this life than to marry the one I've always dreamed of and have of babies and have a big, happy family of my own- my family and childhood were not the greatest. When people say, "what are you thinking?" they say it in more of a joking manner but I still don't understand why marriage is equal to doom these days. What's better to celebrate than the coming together of two people who really love each other and who can't envision their lives without one another??

 

You're not THAT young. Maybe compared to the overly high and elevated average age of both sexes getting married now, but it's not like you're 18 or something. That would be different.

 

I completely agree with your vision of matrimony, but sadly, not all share this idealistic view. I've learned how to just either: a) ignore people when they trash marriage and family life or b) rebuttal them to the point where they don't dare say a word about it when I'm around. I love to argue. lol

 

Once again, congrats!

[ghost69]

let people ask why and what are you thinking. do what you feel is right. just make sure you can honestly say you will be together forever. that is a big word.

[ghost69]

and always get frisky when possible. even if not in the mood.

[ghost69]

not just a male saying. women that do that usually are much more happy.

[Scout]

and always get frisky when possible. even if not in the mood.

 

Relationship counselors actually recommend this as one of the top things couples can do to keep the intimacy alive. So, if you find yourself habitually putting off sex because you feel weary, or just "not in the mood"...you're not doing your relationship any favors.

[ghost69]

thanks for the back up scout. dually appreciated.

[redrose85]

it's true. have sex even when it's the last thing on your mind. works wonders for both!

[ghost69]

even while you are mad at each other. it will be like camping...intense.