Is this normal...or narcissistic? I wanna know your opinion...

[freeindeed]

hazeyamber - I get what you mean, thanks for trying to help me out BTW, are you preggers?

 

Parsley - That's funny because that's how my roommate is as well, and I've always wondered how people can be like that? I could never imagine constantly trying to one up someone else, how uncomfortable! I think I had a post on here about that, but I understood my situation was as such that she's my roommate and I don't feel like moving out, so I can just deal with it somehow (by avoiding her as much as possible). This is different though, because I WANT to be around him...physically....lol...is that bad? And I DO enjoy his company when were goofing off....and making out. Hmmm....I'm almost starting to wonder if I'm putting up with the nonsense because he's my physical ideal.

[Jayar]

I used to say the same thing about my bf. We were planning to get married so I started calling him my fiance. Then we broke up, but I was still calling him my fiance because it was easier than, "that guy whose kid I'm carrying who I was going to marry but then decided not to". Anyway, now we're back to dating but I try to avoid the topic of marriage.

 

You're not alone... I do the same thing. I wasn't carrying anyone's BABY, but after dating for 2.5 years, planning to live together, waiting for that ring... I guess I feel a little less stupid saying that my FIANCEE left me, rather than my boyfriend. Sure, it wasn't official, but he had played me like he was going to marry me, then decided not to.

 

I just feel like less of a fool saying "my fiancee" rather than "the guy who led me on for 2.5 years while I was too stupid to see it"

 

Anyway...

[arwen]

One of my best friends had a relationship with someone who was a diagnosed narcissist. I think that most personality disorders are extremes of characteristics that by themselves are not a disorder. Everyone needs to be selfish in order to survive, but it's clear that we all have different levels of selfish behaviour vs empathic behaviour, etc. Only a specialist will be able to diagnose it.

 

I think that the issue here is that there is something that bothers you in a relatively early stage of the relationship. Maybe you can change the subject back to you or whatever you are talking about, so that it won't be a confrontation?

 

Arwen

[ghost69]

this guy is trying to steal thunder. he might be one of those 'it's all about me' types. always having to throw in your 2 cents or telling a story is annoying to me. i would end it. that's just me though.

[freeindeed]

So, I don't want to confront him about it or bring up the issue through email (I'd rather be in person if I do that), but I did try something else.

 

This morning he's been sending emails and texts that completely just talk about himself...Hasn't even asked how my day was, how I was feeling etc....Just completely went on for paragraphs about how he's feeling, what he's doing, etc.... I feel like he's sending me journal entries, (but I always respond kindly, ask questions and stuff, and I've been doing that so far). Well, in my last email, I brought up something that is just about me. A short tidbit. But let's see how he responds.

[freeindeed]

Here is a test: Tell him to close his eyes, and tell you what color YOURS are.

 

Sounds like he is self-absorbed for sure. Probubly thinking what his next retort will be while someone is speaking to him.

 

lol...that's too easy, my eyes are just plain and simple brown. Have you seen the movie Monster-In-Law?

[newvenus]

We only only got engaged two weeks ago. As soon as he proposed, he had a panic attack (I was ready for it!). The weird thing is that I never asked him to propose. I honestly think he really wants to take that step -- but emotionally he's unable to cope with such a big decision.

 

After I read the book, I realized that he doesn't have any emotions... he's unable to love (a conscious decision on his part according to the book). I comfronted him about it and his response was "I want to love someday but I just don't think I can". He's a good kid though.

 

I would never want to marry someone like that. The beginning of our relationship was great... the middle was terrible... and the end is coming.

[ladyspirit]

Hello there,

 

The reason I signed onto this website is because I had a horrible experience with someone who was narcissistic/ bipolar, and he actually was diagnosed, and I actually work in a psychiatric hospital ( the irony...but we started dated before I started to work there). So....pathetically, most of my posts have been about such topics because although I realized what was up with him, and thought I : 1- could help him/ enlighten him about it/ change him/ whatever cure him, call it what you want; and that I: 2- was smart enough to handle it because I knew what was going on and could access for him the resources he needed, I was NOT able to help him, and it only has left deep scars ( which is what I'm trying to heal by being on this site). Let me just warn you: READ ME POSTS. Get out of the relationship, whatever label or non-label he has: he sounds too, too self-centered. You are still early on in the relationship. Don't think you'll be able to change him. It will erode your self-esteem slowly but surely because ( as I noticed already) you are (healthily, for now) questionning if the problem is you ( "if you enabled him to be like that", you said). And Newvenus, I don't know your situation enough, but if you already know he has histrionic personality disorder, I hope you are sure that you'll be leaving. Because (as I think you said, and it is correct) they do not change. They don't.

[newvenus]

I know ladyspirit. I have gone through so much with him already.... he ran over me and I didn't even noticed. At first, I thought he had commitment issues, then I thought I was the one with the issues...

 

After so much research, I've realized that he's a manipulator --- sucking the energy out of me. After I read the many researches posted on the internet... wow..wow.... I guess you have to experience it yourself to really know what 'we' have gone through. I'm out for good!

 

I hope she takes the advice wisely as I wouldn't see anyone else in my life get sucked into a situation like that..... they're the biggest manipulators in the world. Wow...wow!

[ladyspirit]

Yes they are manipulators: it is unbelievable. I thank God he's gone, but I can't believe what I've been through, what I allowed to happen....I'm sorry you've been through it too...Well, at least we are now aware...my boundaries and alarm system are very very alert now.

 

Good luck Freeindeed- let us know what happens...

[Siriana]

This guy lives in some paralel universe.

He should own a planet named by him. The one that is the center of universe and all the other planets are it's satellites!

[ghost69]

if i had this many things to complain about a month into a relationship, i'd move on.

[freeindeed]

Okay, he did respond, and not only did he respond, but he encouraged me, gave me some advice, and not once in his response did he mention anything about himself. I'm wondering if he's reading these posts....lol..

 

But all jokes aside, now I'm reverting back to my old thinking, that maybe since it's a new relationship, he's trying to impress me every chance he gets which includes talking himself up. He knows he doesn't need to do this, but he has mentioned in several conversations that it would devastate him to lose me, so I can understand the effort he puts into making himself look better than he is.

 

At the same time, this points out my own flaws, which I'm not afraid to talk about. I'm pretty shy, and I tend not to bring up subjects and talk about myself. I ask questions and am good at keeping a talker talking, so maybe he's getting used to that. But then I expect him to ask me "what happened" if I'm having a bad day, but maybe he's just expecting me to talk about it if I want to.

 

I do get a vibe from him that he's trying to impress me still....so maybe this will pass.

 

Thanks everyone for your advice and suggestions.

[rocio]

But remember that he also did this to his friend.

[ghost69]

maybe he is one of those guys that talks too much because he doesn't want you to dump him for not talking.

[freeindeed]

Hazy Amber - Yeah, you're right, but the thing was, I was right there, so he could've still been trying way to hard 'cuz I was there. The other thing is remember I mentioned there was an uncomfortable silence after that? Well, his friend had this weird look like..."okay, why did you go into that?"...almost as if it's not normally like him to do that or something. Am I maybe justifying his behavior too much now? lol

 

Ghost69 - That's another excellent point, he knows that the reason why I stopped dating the last guy I was dating was because he wouldn't talk at all. We discussed it. Hmmmm....thanks for bringing that up, i totally forgot.

 

I think it's all making sense now.....

[ladyspirit]

he'd be devastated to lose you??? a month into it???

red flag...

[ghost69]

glad i can help. i think you should pinch his underarm or something when he goes off like that. he will stop when you clue him into it. tell him when you leave a place that he has done that, that he looked stupid in front of everyone there. then you can argue about that.