Once a cheater always a cheater?

[Carl5000]

I haven't read it all, i just scanned over it. Sorry -)

 

Although people never change very much over a lifetime.. so usually once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Two good friends of mine have multiply relationships and one doesn't cheat in any relationships i've known of, he's very consistent in his behavour. My other friend has been a womansier since around sixteen yrs old, he recently left his girlfriend of eight years for a younger model.. then cheated on his new girlfriend very recently. He's been a serial cheat all his life and i don't think any of the women found out. He was just clever about it =) my father was an adulterer all his life aswell.

 

I believe you can pick up signs if you bf/gf is going to cheat - i.e morality are they into causal sex, how many previous partners have they had? if 20plus more likely to cheat, or dump u. Also self esteem is another one.. although its questionable. If your partner is very attractive, good in the bedroom and has a high level of esteem i'd imagine it would be difficult for them to keep it in their pants. I've got low self esteem and i doubt i'd cheat, i'd appreciate having a decent girlfriend ) my buddy whose super confident - well hung, good looking, tall and totally comfortable around women.. finds it very difficult to turn them down. If i was born with those genetics, i'd probably be the same. Living it to the max - maybe even cheating like he does, who knows =)

 

If you don't want a guy to cheat be more selective over your men, look for the shy, more timid, although maybe less exciting they'd probably be more loyal - its a catch 22. Anyways, with humans being an adaptation of apes and other animals we aren't made to be in monogamist relationships it isn't part of the natural order of the nature. How many ppl have one sexual partner over a lifetime? it takes some mental strength to remain loyal or a belief in religion and its 10 commandments. I'm in a favour of this culture atm, its a free for all fu*k festival and its teh way it should be..it brings us back to our natural, powerful animalistic roots and thats where our happiness lies. In the IT our powerful drives for sex and aggressive which is the dominate force of the psyche - the sick unconscious which we deny.

[SummerGirl38]

To agree with everyone else, (which I am sure you have already gathered) You are setting yourself up for a heartbreak.

 

I truly believe that theory "once a cheater, always a cheater".

 

I dated a guy like that guy for five years. They are Serial cheaters. They are not out to find the one woman who will give it to him, they are out to find ALL the women who will give it to him.

 

It's like a contest, how many balloons can I break with my dart. It must be an ego boost or something.

 

Trust me, I dated them all and after having my heart broke at least a good

3-4 times, I found the one I completely trust.

 

If you are snooping looking to find something, it just says that you have no trust at all, so I ask you how it can be worth it, when you can't relax and feel at ease.

[EvaGina]

Once again, I have cheated in the past in certain situations... I didnt with my finacee and I havnt with Macca, despite a lot of opportunity. I cant see myself cheating either.

 

So are you referring to ANYONE who has ever cheated? Or people who seem to have little qualms with it, people who had "affairs" as opposed to a random hook up?

[SummerGirl38]

Well to answer your question Eva. I believe that once a person allows themselves to cross the line and cheat on a SO, it only says they have a character flaw about them. Meaning, It's too much trouble for them to handle the stress of trying to make their relationship work, so instead they cheat.

 

They might go from relationship to relationship trying to find the perfect mate and decide until they find "the one", they can't stay faithhfu. Ex: This one does drugs, that one beat me, that one is not as good looking as this one. Oh, but this one, this one is perfect.

 

Or the guy who says my girlfriend won't do the things "I like" in bed, so I'm going to go and hook up with this nasty girl and she'll do what I want.

 

By no means am I perfect. I too have cheated on a SO at one time. No I wasn't married but the relationship was going south (I had already forgiven him for cheating once) so I booked it onto another guy once I had had enough.

 

Wrong? Sure it was!

 

Wrong, I know, but one of "my" major character flaws is that if the ship is sinking, I'l be the first to jump out, once I feel there's no turning back.

 

I've grown up alot since those days and had to kiss a lot of toads. I know now that no relationship is perfect.

 

Would I cheat on my current SO?, I'd be willing to bet my life, I won't. I know it in my heart. I've known him since I was 16 (I'm thirty-eight now) and honestly have to say I respect him more than I ever have any other man. We have a great relationship on all aspects. HE IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT IN A PARTNER!

 

I also have had a case of turn about is fair play thing. I've been cheated on, lost my boyfriend of four years, my steps kids, the house, the business and it totally messed my head up.

 

I've had to learn alot but what I know now is there's no need to cheat. If things start to go sour with Mr. Wonderful down the road, we have an agreement, don't cheat, just go.

 

So to sum it all up I believe that a bad relationship may make anyone decide to cheat, (because who they are with is not "the one" obviously) but what they should really do in reality is just get out without destroying someone's life. Be honest and say, you weren't what I was looking for.

 

I would rather hear this than have my man tell me, "You might want to see the doctor" because I cheated on you and may have given you something.

[ghost1150]

Oh - My - God Run, run away quickly!! Yes he will cheat again, he is cheating on you now without a doubt. There is a name for people like this "sociopath". They have no feelings for other people and are only interested in what is in it for them. These people can be very charming and they can also kill you with a smile on their face and never feel remorse. Run.

[laurahasnoidea]

Believe this: Cheaters NEVER change their stripes. I just found out that my boyfriend of two years has cheated yet again with a fitness instructor from Lifetime Fitness. Sweet. God only knows how many other girls there are besides her!

 

Prior to that my friends found girls he had been with behind my back on myspace - these girls had pictures of him on their pages and talked about their hookups with him. He had "friends with benefits" all over Crystal Lake and Woodstock as well as girls he'd hang out with and then sleep with, make them think he was serious and then never talk to them again when he got bored. His football player teammates even told me about his cheating, which speaks volumes, and his crazy hookups emailed me anonymously on facebook.

 

I chose to ignore all of it and believe that he loved me because he would cry and beg me to come back to him, and I did, and that is my fault. He's good looking and talks a good game, so being 20 (I feel like I'm goin' on 40 from this experience...haha!) I WAS naive (operative word being I WAS naive). No more!

 

At the first sign of cheating get out, because once they realize that you'll put up with it (i.e. they can talk their way back in), they'll do it again and again because they have nothing to fight for. But then again, even if they do say they're sorry and fight for you I wouldn't trust a cheater, ever. You're always wondering if what he says is true and that's NO way to live. He would say "I love you!", hang up and go meet up with his hookup.

 

What's really sick is that he talked about who would stand up in our wedding, our honeymoon in Italy, where we'd live as husband and wife, about our kids (Ty would be our son's name) and how in love with me he was, etc., etc. all the while saboutaging our relationship. So sad!!!

 

I wouldn't know he was with the Lifetime Fitness instructor most recently. A friend of mine found him on myspace after he said he'd never go back to it and she told me. It was the last straw.

 

To boot, at the same time, just two weeks ago, he was wooing me via texts, hotmail and phone calls. He wanted to get together for lunch and hang out. Yeah, and he's so happy with this new girl? He's a sick man.

 

Don't waste your time. Unless the guy has self awareness and gets some counseling, he will NEVER change. Most cheaters don't think they have a problem.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think it depends on the circumstances behind the cheating. There are those who cheated due to certain circumstances and then never cheated again. Your boyfriend is a player and that is a whole other matter. He is the classic sweet talker. When a man starts yammering on about the future as husband and wife, that often is a red flag...the cart before the horse, so to speak. Many women have been lulled into a false sense of security when their guy waxes poetic about their future together, their wedding, their honeymoon blah, blah when they haven't even proposed! Players don't typically reform.

[laurahasnoidea]

RE: I think it depends on the circumstances behind the cheating. There are those who cheated due to certain circumstances and then never cheated again. Your boyfriend is a player and that is a whole other matter. He is the classic sweet talker. When a man starts yammering on about the future as husband and wife, that often is a red flag...the cart before the horse, so to speak. Many women have been lulled into a false sense of security when their guy waxes poetic about their future together, their wedding, their honeymoon blah, blah when they haven't even proposed! Players don't typically reform.

 

Thanks for your reply! It comforts me. Despite the fact that I know Craig is not the one for me I'm having trouble sleeping and eating!

 

He told me he has cheated on every girl he's dated, but our relationship would be different and that I'm only the second girl he has said, "I love you" to. I think girls probably want to be the one who changes the guy?? I dunno. I ignored many red flags.

 

It's funny you bring up the term, "player." All of his guy friends call him that. Oh and "pretty boy" too. He's very egotistical about his looks and his sexuality. Another set of red flags! lol!

 

The girl he's with now has no clue I'm sure - that he was asking me for sexy pics just recently, so his game is definitely replaying itself. I would bet that there are other girls too. But who knows. Maybe he'll marry this one?? She is the main squeeze (as I was) and then he has "affairs" on the side. It's weird. Why not just play the field rather than have one main girl? It's really evil!

 

I'm a psych major to boot, so this is very interesting to me...what is at the root of his madness...how did he get this way? His relationship with his Mother has always been good. She's overprotective, but he spends a lot of time with his family and really loves them. Hmmmm...

 

Anyway, thanks again for replying!

[Bunney]

Haven't read the whole thread but I thought I'd give my opinion as well.

 

"once a cheater always a cheater" is incorrect. Cause you cannot generalize like that. It all depends on the situation and the person. One person may cheat and totally regret it and never do it again, for the other one it's a pattern. So whoever says that "once a cheater is always a cheater" is wrong.

[laurahasnoidea]

This is a chronic cheating situation. The cheating not only happened in my relationship with him but many times accross many relationships he has had. He has never been faithful. So no, I do not think such people (or players) change their stripes. My opinion! I respect yours too.

[jkarp]

i can tell you from experience... no.

 

i'm ashamed to admit this, but i've cheated on EVERY girl i've ever been with, including my ex-wife. i don't know exactly why i've done it, but i have.

 

a year and a half ago i met someone that fulfilled me COMPLETELY. i mean in every way possible. i never looked at a single girl in that year and a half with desire. i never thought about cheating. i was never tempted.

 

it had nothing to do with "keeping my commitment" or "trying hard to be a better person" or anything like that. it was 100% that i was getting everything i needed from this person and had NO reason to look elsewhere.

 

sure, i could still appreciate a sexy or beautiful woman, i could still see situations that could be "fun" sexually with other people, but that was never anything more than an acknowledgment. it was NEVER a consideration.

 

the ironic part... she broke up with me because she didn't trust me ;-)

 

she's the ONLY girl in the entire world that SHOULD'VE trusted me, yet she's the only girl that didn't trust me.

 

maybe it's karma for all the other girls i've cheated on ;-)

 

simple answer... no, not once a cheater always a cheater. i am living proof.

 

...josh