Single forever?

[snglforever]

Hi everyone.

 

My problem is this: I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend. I do have male friends though and I'm not afraid to start a conversation or anything. It's just I have never managed to find "the one" to share my life with.

 

During my teens I was very shy. I had many hobbies and couldn't go out with my friends due to lack of time. As a result, I lost the contact with my peers, I was completely out of what was going on there. In high-school I used to imagine how the things were and what the people thought instead of hanging out with my classmates and know what they really are like. Plus, I was always told that you shouldn't even think of relationships while you're studying. Thanks the internet, I had a couple of close friends but they only existed in the virtual, I never saw them in real life.

 

Now that I'm in college, I've been trying to create some kind of a social network and I've succeeded in that. I have many good real friends and people to talk to. The only thing that bothers me is that everyone is dating someone except me. Sometimes I catch myself envying them in a good way.

 

I don't want to have relationships only because everybody else has or only because I don't have one. I want it to be real and spontaneous. But even those single guys that I fancy don't sem to be interested in me. I've learned from my teenage mistakes and I'm socially active now. But for some reason I've never had anything more than just a friendship.

 

What's wrong with me? I don't want to stay alone for the rest of my life. I'm already too old to have a "first relationship", I feel abnormal. And I know that the older I get the worse it will be.

[88cookie]

wow, you are only 20. i am kind of in a similar situation and but im 19. ive only had one 'more than friends' thing that lasted a few months but didnt really go anywhere but we remain friends. I am seeing a girl now, although timing is bad and i havent actually seen her in a few weeks. Once you get into a situation, its just natural from there. In high school i rarely talked to girls and didnt date any cuz it was not gonna last and would be pointless. I guess im an average guy, definatly not great looking or anything. I would never of though in a million years i could date the girl i am dating right now (beautiy-wise) but fortunatly for both of us looks are maybe 10%. Everyone that sees her pics is just like, whoa how did you manage that or whatnot. I dont condone it, but you can try finding someone online that way your intentions for a relationship/dating are out in the open, thats kind of what i did and it is such a relief to the whole situation. the girl i havent seen in almost 2 months (our first date) i am going to see tomorrow and its soo great

[whatsagirltodo]

Don't think like that. My advice is: Enjoy being single now, before you ever know what it is like to be in a relationship and THEN be single. It sounds like bad advice, but I was never in a relationship until i was 19. It was wonderful...while it lasted. Now I'm single again and it's REALLY different than being single before. Before I wanted a relationship, but I didn't know what it was really like, so it's not like now where I MISS being in a relationship more than I actually miss him, lol.

 

Do you understand what I mean? I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I just know that I wish I could feel the same way about being single now as I did when I was single back then before I ever was in a relationship.

 

...i hope that makes sense.

 

As for finding a relationship - it will happen. As long as you're out there and open to finding someone, you will...Do you ever ask your friends to introduce you to someone?

[Daligal83]

Don't feel abnormal. I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 20. I still have friends who have never had a boyfriend. It's just different for everyone. Take pride in the fact that you won't settle.

 

Like whatsagirltodo said, it'll just happen. I used to think like you and wonder when it ever would happen..if ever..and then all of a sudden it just did. You'll know when it's right and in the meantime, continue to enjoy your newfound social life! The more people you meet, the better chance you have of finding that right person.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

you are not a freak, there is nothing wrong with you. you're just shy and haven't met the right guy. my advice is to just get out there and have fun. join some organizations where you will meet men naturally. depending on your interests, you could join a church youth group, join a political campaign, or join an outdoors club. or all 3! just be where the men are and look nice and smile, and a bf will come along soon. good luck!

[Leonhart]

Yeah, it can be hard. I didn't get my first partner till I was 18, and even then, we met online, so it wasn't a 'normal' situation to begin with. I can understand where you're coming from.

 

You want to fit in, but you feel like you're different because you don't have what everyone else does. I can assure you you're not as different as you may think. There are other people - both males and females - out there who are going through exactly the same thing as you, feeling they don't fit in because they're single and thinking they'll never find anyone. But just because you think something doesn't necessarily make it true.

 

I ask you, why do you think you'll never find anyone? You talk as though you have some huge flaw that everyone can see. Believe me, people will only know you're single if you tell them. There's no sign that hangs over your head that gives it away. So stopping feeling inferior to others. And think about why you feel that you'll never find anyone. (And if you don't feel this way, I apologize in advance, just how I read it.) You probably have many great qualities that others would kill for! Reflect on those and you'll start to realize how silly your thinking is.

[snglforever]

Thank you guys for answering, everything was helpful.

 

to 88cookie: Thanks and good luck with your girl. About the looks, they don't really matter. It's advantage if you're good looking and so on but in the end what matters is the whole personality. Glad you've found your sweetheart!

 

to whatsagirltodo: Thanks and yeah I understand what you mean. Actually, i don't ask my friends to introduce me to anyone. I just think that it would be awkward and they'd think I'm a weirdo that can't do anything for herself. So I've never considered it an option. ... Hmm=) An interesting idea, really. But hell, what if they just laugh at me when they find out that I'm single and it's bothering me??

 

to annie24: Thanks, the problem is also that I can't tell the guy that I like him. I've got some male friends that I do like but I always think that going on would ruin the friendship. Besides, I'm a girl and I think it's a bit pathetic to like beg for a relationship or something, I don't know.

 

to Wilhelm: Thanks.. Nope, I don't have any flaws that people could see. I'm looking after myself, I'm pretty and smart (not trying to compliment myself here). Why I feel I'll never find anyone is because I haven't found anyone yet and I'm that old already. I mean teens go dating, and you have to search hard for any free guy among my peers. I know I have to make an effort and I try my best but I'm not the type of girl who would openly talk to the guys about being single. As I said before, I feel it's pathetic. No offence to anyone, btw=)

[annie24]

to annie24: Thanks, the problem is also that I can't tell the guy that I like him. I've got some male friends that I do like but I always think that going on would ruin the friendship. Besides, I'm a girl and I think it's a bit pathetic to like beg for a relationship or something, I don't know.

 

who said anything about begging for a relationship? there are tons of cues to give guys to signal that you are interested in them. like when you are talking to them, smile and look right into their eyes, stand a little closer, touch their arm, etc..... flirt a little. I never implied that you should beg for a relationship but if there is a guy you find intresting, you should give him some signals that you think of him as more than just a friend.

[Leonhart]

to Wilhelm: Thanks.. Nope, I don't have any flaws that people could see. I'm looking after myself, I'm pretty and smart (not trying to compliment myself here). Why I feel I'll never find anyone is because I haven't found anyone yet and I'm that old already. I mean teens go dating, and you have to search hard for any free guy among my peers. I know I have to make an effort and I try my best but I'm not the type of girl who would openly talk to the guys about being single. As I said before, I feel it's pathetic. No offence to anyone, btw=)

 

I... can relate. I feel older and older as time goes by too. I think, well if it hasn't happened yet, then why should this year be any different?

 

Keep your chin up, you'll find someone. Nay, let me say: He'll find you. You just need to stay positive. Hard, I know.

 

Do as I say, not as I do. Golden words to live by.