Can someone just tell me Im pathetic....

[miss888s]

Can someone please tell me what to do...

 

Okay, some of you may have followed my break up last year which really made me go though HELL. I fell awfully sick but i am a lot better now and i worked VERY hard to get over him. All is good and i very seldom think of him or the times which we had together. In fact i usually just think of the good times and am happy to just be friends. If you asked me this 3 months back i would have said over my dead body. Its amazing how time heals.

 

Anyway, i want to say is i need your help oh wonderful and wise ENA-er's.

 

So i met this guy over the new year. He is 22 and im 24. He is a student and i work full time in an amazing job. Im really happy with it.

 

He asked me out but we only met a week after planning things. the first date was really good. we had dinner and watched a movie. Then he called back to ask if he could meet me again. And we did and he told me how much he liked me and all. things were going really well. we kept on seeing each other and he went on about me with his family.

 

about 2 weeks ago he suddenly told me how he felt initimadated by this realtionship. especially me as i was working and he was just a student. He said that he felt he just couldnt keep up with my lifestyle. and he felt that maybe he just was not ready for us.

 

so the last time we met was on Thursday and he even brought a friend long so we really couldnt talk about anything.

 

and we havent been in touch since then. to be honest thoe whole time that we have been together, he went through this "im not sure about us" phase about one or two times. but we worked it out.

 

We occasionally txt each other to see how things are but thats just about it. I have asked if he wants to meet up for dinner or anything but he keeps giving excuses.

 

i really like him and everyone tells me to ditch him. what should i do? he tells me he really still likes/attracted to me and really doesnt want to meet as he will end up just sleeping with me and he doesnt want to do this as its not fair for both of us.

 

i dont know what to do. i keep on telling my self that maybe if i wait he will suddenly come back but i seriously losing hope.

[Luke Skywalker]

What type of advice are you looking for? This guy seems to be very intuitive and wants to make sure that everyone is being treated fairly and in his judgement it will not work out because the levels are not the same. Sounds like a sincere guy who is not a player. Why not be friends with him?

[Batya33]

The ball is in his court - if he is interested he will call you. You contacting him will drive him further away. Next time what I would do differently is not go to his home or invite him to yours on a first date to watch a movie - can give the wrong signals. As far as him being intimidated it sounds like it's an excuse - he knew you had a job when he met you, right, and he asked you out anyway.

[kate111]

Forget him.

 

It is only the beginning of things and he is no longer keen.

 

If he changes his mind he will call you.

[Daddy Bear]

I DON'T think he's making excuses, I DO think he probably feels inadequate around you, and I would have a sit-down with him and attempt to clear the air about it if I were you. Much luck!

[Batya33]

If he feels intimidated and that is truly the reason then he is telling you that you and he are not a good match. He knows you're interested and if he changes his mind - you cannot help him with this - he knows where to find you. Typically the "I'm intimidated" means "I am not that interested in dating you."

[Daddy Bear]

Typically the "I'm intimidated" means "I am not that interested in dating you."

Perhaps that's true in your experience, but I really think miss888s's guy was honestly expressing his feelings.

[Batya33]

Yes, he may have been honestly expressing his feelings - his feelings are likely that he lost interest as many do early on in dating and blamed it on feeling intimidated (meaning that is what he believes the reason is). If he were truly intimidated my guess is he would have known that by the first date and probably mentioned something on the first date -- he knew about her job, etc by then. Perhaps also inadvertently she talked about her job a lot in a way that he couldn't relate to or in a way that he found arrogant even if she didn't mean it.

 

For the last 15 years I've had a really solid career but I always knew how to remove my professional hat when I was with a man on a date - not to act less intelligent but to be feminine, to let the man be "the man" - whether he was technically less successful than me, made less money, or the opposite. Perhaps those who didn't ask me out again were "initmidated" but in all those years I never heard or sensed that as a reason. Often it was the opposite - they loved that I had a profession and was financially stable.

 

But, given his mind set I don't think it will help one bit for her to try to 'convince" him not to be intimidated - even if it works for a few dates eventually he will meet her colleagues or in some way the feeling will come back. He needs to get to that place on his own and be motivated by missing her in his life.

[shikashika]

yeah whatever reason he gives... even if he truly is intimidates... it doesn't sound like it would be a good match.

 

If I met a guy I felt intimidated by, I would not want to date him either. I want to be comfortable with who I date.

 

Maybe it has nothing to do with the job.. maybe he is intimidated by some part of your personality..but your saying "its your job' is the easiest answer to give

[Batya33]

I once read in a book written by a religious figure that if you feel you have to read a lot of books before you go on a date with the person in order to have enough to say or seem intelligent enough he/she is not a good match.

[anna_k]

Hrmm.

 

I had the same problem actually. I was even given the old "your job/lifestyle is intimidating" line. It's a pretty weak excuse but there are people who could genuinely feel that way.

 

In hindsight, when someone says that it's 'unfair to you' if they see you and just sleep with you, it's true. I mean, initially you might think 'Huh? It's fine. Come see me.' But in the long run, it's for the best.

 

What's the line everyone always says? "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they'll stay forever*. If they don't, you never had them in the first place."

 

*Forever is not a good word. Perhaps 'for a while longer'. Hahaha.

[kate111]

I reckon nobody is too intimidated to go out with someone. It is an excuse. He is trying to tell you that there is a quality in you he doesn't like, but he is trying to say it in a nice way.

 

I know it is hard to accept. But you wanted an honest opinion.

[ghost69]

so you make a lot of money huh? we can have dinner. lol, jk. i bet this guy does feel like he can't compete. it goes way back in time when the man was always catering to the woman. the guy always had the better job, paid for dinner, did this did that, etc. maybe he has that old fashion sense.

 

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